“I promise to NURTURE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

N is for NURTURE

“I promise to NURTURE your dreams and ambitions, and celebrate our relationship through both failures and triumphs.”

With this vow, we promise to always cherish each other’s dreams, feed one another’s passions celebrate each other through the successes and failures.

What does the vow mean?

Nurture is defined as helping something grow and develop. So if we are nurturing something we want it to grow and flourish.

Why do we need to NURTURE for a gratifying relationship?

Everybody has their own dreams and ambitions which make their soul shine through them. And sometimes when we are getting into a relationship or in a marriage we are even impressed and attracted towards our partner’s dreams.

But in the hustle of life, we get so busy that we tend to forget what it was like to know your partner’s dream and see that twinkle in their eyes when they talk about it. It is very foolish of us to think that love or even marriage is self-sustaining when partners are so comfortable in love. Nothing is self-sustaining. It’s the biggest illusion one can have. Marriage needs to be fed and nurtured continuously through the ups and downs of life.

Every relationship, be it love or marriage, it needs nurturing. Nurturing, in fact, is a very important attribute in a married life which can bring about a big difference in the relationship. Nurturing is like a step towards knowing, understanding and honouring your partner’s dream and helping enough to work towards achieving them.

So, when I say that “I promise to nurture” I mean that we are willing to rekindle that lost spark of reaching for our dreams that tend to lose its lustre as we juggle our busy lives.

When we have spent so much time together we become so comfortable in love that we begin taking each other for granted. We forget to remember and cherish the beauty and worth of small things that usually go unnoticed and unappreciated. But it is through the act of nurturing that we can renew the lost charm and burnish our relationship again.

So, “I promise to nurture” also mean that we are willing to constantly renew our relationship by simple yet consistent acts of ingenuity and consideration and not let our marriage fall in the background. It means we choose to care enough about each other to create unique experiences for each other and not just feed individual dreams, but also have shared dreams and work towards them.

Mr. Husband has been this unwavering source of inspiration for my dreams. He’s like the wind beneath my wings; he not only motivates me to follow my dreams but also helps me in my journey of achieving them. We are growing our marriage into something very beautiful through the act of nurturing, are you?

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet O. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet M here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 199

“I promise to be MINDFUL” – #BlogchatterA2Z

M is for MINDFUL

“I promise to be MINDFUL and pay loving attention to you and the life we have built honouring one another with love and care.”

With this vow, we promise to always be aware and attentive to each other’s needs and treating each other with love, care, and mindfulness.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines mindfulness as the trait of staying aware and paying close attention to your responsibilities. But being mindful in a marriage is not just about the responsibilities. It is about how well we can be tuned to our partner’s feelings, emotions, needs, and thoughts to be able to be attentive and accepting towards them without being judgmental. Being mindful is about being there for your partner at that moment and letting your thoughts concurring with your feelings.

Why do we need to be MINDFUL towards our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?

Mindfulness is a really great marital virtue when it comes to having a healthy and growing marriage. When we are in our “honeymoon phase” we have these very strong emotions and feelings about each other that usually cloud our eyes and make us overlook the flaws which might have been an issue had we not been blinded by love-crazed hormones. But before we know it the honeymoon phase is over and it is then that the disagreements begin to surface.

Marriage is a long journey and there come many moments when we are bound to have disagreements and arguments which may get escalated and heated up pretty easily. It is in those moments when we need to be mindful the most because most of the time we can’t possibly take back what’s been said in a heated moment when we don’t even mean it actually. So, when I say “I promise to be mindful”, it means that we are willing to regulate our own responses and to completely accept each other.

Abusing, name-calling and violence is a strict “NO” in our marriage, not even by mistake. Because we both know that once it gets started it can only get so mean and filthy from there. So, “I promise to be mindful” also means we are willing to be mindful and aware of not just our ways and words, but also our feelings. It means cultivating a non-judgmental awareness of your partner’s feelings and thoughts and not labelling them “right” or “wrong”. Practicing mindfulness early in our marriage has helped us steer clear of any major conflicts and hurling abuses because, with the value of mindfulness, we refrain from judging each other and be completely accepting of one another.

Mindfulness requires us to invest extra time and energy into understanding and being aware of each other’s feelings and emotion. But the thing it has to offer in the long run is totally worth it. Over the years our relationship has evolved exponentially. We have come a long way through our fair share of peace as well as challenging times. But by being mindful of each other through successes and failures, ups and downs, shining moments of glory and despicable moments of shame, we have grown and transcended into this blissful marital bond that’s beautiful beyond words.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet N. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet L here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 201

“I PROMISE TO LAUGH” – #BlogchatterA2Z

L is for LAUGH

“I promise to LAUGH with you together in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow making the journey fun, exciting and worthwhile.”

With this vow, we promise to laugh together and cry together at things with one another and make it light and overcome the challenges together.

What does the vow mean?

Humour is defined as the quality of being funny and laughter is the act of showing or feeling pleasure or happiness. A sense of humour and the ability to make one laugh is one of the most sought after attributes in a partner. Why you ask? It’s because the kind of sense of humour a person has tells a lot about his personality and the kind of relationship we can expect from him. A good sense of humour is by far the most attractive and desirable quality in a spouse.

Why is it important to LAUGH for a happy and satisfying marriage?

When Mr. Husband came to see me for the first time the other quality I noticed in him which appealed to me the most apart from his decency was his sense of humour. While people look for different things in a partner for compatibility, I was looking for humour compatibility. And luckily I got it in Mr. Husband.

Isn’t it amazing to genuinely laugh at each other’s jokes and be goofy about it? In a marriage, it works wonders. Finding humour in our day to day lives has helped us cope with not just small challenges but also with the tragic. Laughing is such a mood elevator and stress buster. But it’s more so when you laugh together and share the same joy and sense of humour that the enjoyment is doubled. We have realized that when we find reasons to laugh together we feel more connected, relaxed and happy with each other.

So, when I say that “I promise to laugh” it means I am willing to integrate humour in our lives and choose to laugh at and with one another and at our circumstances.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet M. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet K here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 238

“I promise to be KIND” – #BlogchatterA2Z

K is for KIND

“I promise to be KIND and considerate of one another, be thoughtful of our feelings and needs and cultivate benevolence in our relationship.”

With this vow, we promise to always treat one another with kindness and be thoughtful and considerate to each other putting each other’s needs and feelings before our own.

What does the vow mean?

According to a dictionary, kindness is defined as the quality of being warm-hearted and considerate and humane and sympathetic. An act of kindness can be a simple thing, but it can be revolutionary in marriage since it is transformative. And though a simple thing we need strength and courage to show kindness.

Why do we need to be KIND towards one another for a healthy and happy marriage?

There’s no one thing that makes a marriage healthy and happy. But if I were to point out one major interpersonal skill that we require in a marriage to make it beautiful then it’s definitely going to kindness. Kindness is one attribute that’s a must in any marriage for it to be satisfying. Marriage is more about what you give than what you get. Being kind towards your partner harbours positive feelings in each other and propagates warmth and affection in the relationship.

Kindness doesn’t just mean being “nice” to each other. Our partners deserve every bit of our compassion and kindness considering the fact that we may not what they might be experiencing at work or at home. So the best we can do is being gentle towards them and offer kind and affectionate words. Kindness in words propagates confidence, but kindness in thinking and feeling propagates profoundness and love respectively.

So when I say “I promise to be kind” it also means that we are willing to be positive, affirming and compassionate about one another validating each other’s likes, feelings, and desires. Kindness also means being happy for your partner and being open about it.

Being kind doesn’t mean we are not allowed to have fights and arguments or have negative feelings. We don’t particularly have control over our feelings and reactions, but we sure do have control over our actions and how we choose to act upon our feelings. Being kind means you are willing to be considerate towards your partner and treat them with generosity. Also, an act of kindness is always remembered and acts as a buffer mitigating the feelings of hurt and anger and helping reestablish peace and harmony.

But we can never be kind to another person if we are not kind to ourselves. So, when I say “I promise to be kind” it also means that apart from being thoughtful of each other’s needs and desires, we are also willing to take good care of ourselves as well as treat ourselves with kindness and compassion. Being kind also means to treat them the way they want to be treated rather than the way we’d want to be treated.

A little kindness can go a long way and in marriage change the entire dynamics if we choose to add a little kindness to our everyday life. A smile when I offer coffee, a touch when I hand him lunch, appreciation on a nice shirt, a kiss when he leaves for office or greeting him with a smile when he’s back from office are some of the things I do on a daily basis as a way of showing affection towards Mr. Husband. I may not be able to control what he goes through the entire day, but I can certainly do my bit to help him get through the day. Our marriage is built with kindness and we have abundant kindness in our marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet L. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet J here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 230

“I promise JUSTNESS” – #BlogchatterA2Z

J is for JUSTNESS

“I promise JUSTNESS and equality in our relationship, to be fair and to honour you as an individual besides our relationship.”

With this vow, we promise to always treat each other with fairness and justness and find a balance between individual needs as well as the needs of the relationship.

What does the vow mean?

If we go by the dictionary meaning, justness and equality mean free from favouritism or self-interest or bias or deception; conforming with established standards or rules. Equality means partners in a marriage see and treat each other as equals, with respect, taking into account each other’s needs, and supporting one another towards the achievement of a shared goal.

Why do we need JUSTNESS for a gratifying marriage?

Justness plays a very important role in our marriage. Nothing is more vital and gratifying in a marriage than seeing the marital union as fair and just. Though I believe in gender roles, I am all about gender equality and equality as partners in the relationship. But in our marriage more than equality, it’s about justness – it’s about how fairly we treat each other.

Justness in marriage is about understanding and working towards the needs of your spouse as an individual apart from the needs of the relationship. It means that in all fairness of the relationship the individual needs should not be ignored or disregarded.

So, when I say “I promise justness” it means I am willing to recognize and respect Mr. Husband’s needs besides addressing the needs of our relationship. It’s about working a balance between my needs, my partner’s needs and the needs of the relationship.

In our household, Mr. Husband is providing for the family while I am a stay-at-home mom and look after the baby. So, for us, the justness is more about equality through teamwork rather than equality through division. In our marriage, we find it just to do work together rather than assigning separate work to each. Mr. Husband is a very involved parent and apart from nursing, he has been helping in each and every baby chore. He doesn’t feel shy to help me out with the dishes and laundry as well while he also has to work 8-hour shifts at his office. If it wasn’t for the fair approach that we decided on before marriage,  I could have been struggling with dissatisfaction and resentment. So, “I promise justness” also means sharing goals and working at it together as a team to achieve it.

With justness in a marriage comes understanding and trust– understanding that your spouse is possibly doing all he can and trusting that whatever he is doing is for mutual good. And by cultivating the marital virtue of justness we are working to achieve more than just equality, we are progressing towards a more gratifying marriage on the common grounds of justness with mutual reciprocity of our ability to lovingly cooperate and adjust.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet K. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet I here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 248

“I promise INTIMACY” – #BlogchatterA2Z

I is for INTIMACY

“I promise INTIMACY not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well reciprocating a sense of belongingness.”

With this vow, we promise to always reciprocate feelings of trust, emotional and physical closeness towards each other fostering a feeling of belonging together.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines intimacy as closeness with a feeling of belonging together that is not particularly sexual but emotional and spiritual as well. Though intimacy can mean and involve sexual closeness too it is much more than just that. It means blending of hearts besides merging of bodies and being sexually intimate.

Why do we need INTIMACY for a satisfying marriage?

Intimacy in a marriage does majorly mean a sexual expression. If both the partners are able to express each other through sexual intimacy it does imply that they have attained a good level of intimacy in their relationship. But, marriage is meant to make two people one in all aspects, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. We generally talk of intimacy as being sexually intimate but it is not just about two bodies merging together, it has more to do with merging of two souls together. Intimacy allows us to “look into” each other’s soul fostering a feeling of belongingness.

So when I say “I promise intimacy” it means I am not just comfortable sharing that most special part of myself but it also means reaching that level of comfort in our relationship where I am emotionally close.

Intimacy in a marriage means letting your guards down and feeling vulnerable. Intimacy means that kind of closeness where you can express freely without reservations and feel accepted. So, “I promise intimacy” also means that I know you enough to see what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel. Intimacy means to know your spouse and be known in a manner that you may be able to complete each other’s sentences.

Intimacy is definitely a journey in itself which, undeniably, is a strong foundation to an everlasting and fulfilling marriage. In our marriage, we both are in our way of exploring our comfort level in our intimacy journey trying to build an everlasting relationship based on closeness, warmth, mutual trust, and reciprocity of intimacy.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet J. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet H here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 200

“I promise to be GRATEFUL” – #BlogchatterA2Z

G is for GRATEFUL

“I promise to be GRATEFUL for you for your love to me and count my blessings every single day.”

With this vow, we promise to always remember to be thankful and show gratitude to each other for the gifting our marriage has bestowed us with.

What does the vow mean?

Gratitude is the feeling of being thankful, showing appreciation and willingness to return the kindness. Gratitude is a skill that you cultivate to show how thankful you are for the things you have and radiate an optimistic and positive feeling.

Why do we need to be GRATEFUL to for loving marriage?

Gratitude is not only an essential component in a marriage that keeps couples bonded but it is also a positive indicator indicating how much a couple finds their marriage satisfying and fulfilling. When we truly feel the gratefulness for our spouse we get to experience appreciation and heartfelt awe for them. And feeling grateful towards your spouse showing that you respect and value them, and treasure them for their uniqueness is definitely beautiful.

So, when I say “I promise to be grateful” it means I am willing to express earnest thanks, show humility and let go of my ego to be able to cultivate more joy and bliss in our lives.

Feeling grateful towards each other for everything we do for us is without a doubt the key to our sparkling and healthy relationship. It is the most significant habit that we follow in our marriage as it enhances and illuminates the positive qualities in us strengthening and protecting our marriage. Feeling grateful is about choosing to see the abundance than the scarcity and bringing back those cherished memories of precious time spent together. In our marriage, we make it a practice to go down the memory lane every now and then experience again those positive emotions and satisfying interactions. And when we are committed to seeing and appreciating life’s gifts together it helps us broaden our perspectives and be able to better achieve our personal goals.

Mr. Husband is the best hands-on dad that I know of. He helps me with my household chores even after he has had a hectic day at work. I’m definitely grateful to him for it and couldn’t say him enough ‘thank yous’. So when I show gratitude towards him he becomes more confident making me feel more gracious which makes me more appreciative towards him. It’s like a loop. And what we have come to realize is that when we practice showing gratefulness towards each other during good times we tend to get buffered from the withering effects of bad times. Expressing gratefulness to each other is probably the best thing we can cultivate to foster happiness in our marriage because it makes us feel valued and respected helping us maintain an intimate bond.

So, when I say “I promise to be grateful” I mean that we are willing to further deepen our beautiful closeness by cultivating the feeling of gratitude in our marriage by the mutuality of giving and receiving.

Over the years, I have understood the essence of counting blessings and I mentally count my blessings each day to feel more positive, be connected to each other and achieve maximum satisfaction from our marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet H. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet F here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 303

“I promise to EMPATHISE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

E is for EMPATHISE

“I promise to EMPATHISE and be better attuned to your feelings, perspectives, and experiences to develop a deeper connection and understanding.”

With this vow, we promise to develop a deeper connection and understanding of each others’ feelings by truly experiencing your emotions.

What does the vow mean?

Empathy is the ability to perceive the world through the eyes of another. It is the ability to understand the feelings and perspectives of another person by stepping into their shoes and guide our actions according to our understanding.

Why do we need to EMPATHISE with our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?

Empathy is rather an essential component of a successful relationship. When we show empathy the other person feels understood, valued and respected and we garner trust and likeness for ourselves. It is with empathy that we can tap into those genuine human connections and make the most out of our marriage.

Ours is an arranged marriage and we come from different backgrounds with different tastes and perspectives. But when we started empathising we started to be open about ourselves and started taking delight in each other. Empathy helped us bridge the divide between us made us appreciate each other and the life we have created together. It has deepened our marriage through a shared experience, perspective, and understanding.

Now, at six years and counting Mr. Husband and I have started taking each other for granted. Sometimes that’s a good thing because it shows the level of comfort we share in our relationship. But sometimes, when the things are assumed without actually being indicated or spoken about it hurts. So, “I promise to empathise” also means not only to be observant of each others’ feeling and but also to be aware of what’s behind that feeling. It is important to make each other feel welcome in our hearts by focussing on those strengths and qualities that we respect and honour in each other.

Motherhood has left me with some raw emotions. I’d be honest; there have been several times in my motherhood journey that I have found myself on the brink of depression. And if it wasn’t for Mr. Husband who empathised with me I started to feel understood. When he expressed empathy I felt that I was not just being heard, I felt I was listened to and understood and valued. And that is a great feeling. And when I felt I was valued I was willing to give what he wanted. That’s the power of empathy.

So when I say “I promise to empathise” it also means I shall cultivate compassion in my relationship which would help strengthen our bond more and value each other.

Empathising with each other has also been helped us to be non-judgmental of each other, stay calm during a conflict, being and rather look at things from each others’ perspective having attuned to each other.

So “I promise to empathise” also means that by developing fertile ground for empathy we are facilitating our marriage to grow and strengthen boosting positive regards, confidence, and trust in each other. And with empathy as an essential ingredient, we try to sail smoothly through our marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet F. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet D here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 157

“I promise to BELIEVE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

B is for BELIEVE

“I promise to BELIEVE and have faith in us, me and our relationship, and to strengthen our confidence without reservations for whatever life hands us.”

With this vow, we promise to always believe in ourselves, each other, and our relationship. We promise to have and show confidence in each other to deal with whatever life hands us without any fear, apprehensions, and reservations and see our relationship as a place of comfort and a platform for growth.

What does the vow mean?

Belief is the secret magical ingredient that is a must for a healthy everlasting relationship and a good marriage. Belief is when you place your complete confidence and loyalty in someone. Belief is when you have deep faith in someone free from any doubts which have a positive influence on their self-esteem. When I say “I promise to believe” it means I have genuine and complete confidence in you and your actions without any fear and apprehensions.

Believing in our relationship and in our marriage is by far the greatest way we practice to make our lives better. And our willingness to believe that we are in the right relationship with the right person for all the right reasons is what makes us a happy couple who are blissfully married.

Why do we need to BELIEVE in the relationship for a healthy marriage?

Believe in yourself

The kind relationships we have with others are always mirrors reflecting the kind of relationship we have with ourselves. We can have a thriving relationship and a happy marriage only when we have a thriving relationship with ourselves. And it’s because we tend to reflect our own beliefs and faiths in the people who we are in relationships with.

People who are happy with themselves reflect that in their relationships as well. And the people who are happy can do this is because they have found their true identity, they believe in themselves and love their innermost being. And those who fail to find their true identity within themselves look upon others to define them, inviting unhappiness in their own lives as well as when in a relationship with others.

So when I say ‘I promise to believe” it also means that I am willing to believe in myself because I have realized that since the relationship I have with Mr. Husband will be mirroring the kind of relationship I have with myself I need to have a positive and healthy relationship with my own self.

There was a time when I was on my lowest self-esteem and had lost all sense of self-worth. That was the time when I was having a strained relationship with Mr. Husband. And it was only when Mr. Husband showed confidence and belief in me and our relationship, that I could overcome my fears and started gaining back my lost belief in myself. And it was then that loving me became admittedly easier, I started to develop back my confidence and also my ability to connect back meaningfully with Mr. Husband. A lot in our marriage depends on the belief that we have in each other.

Believe in the relationship

Relationships are perplexing in nature and marriage is the next level kind of relationship where we commit for our whole lives. So it does need to have some amount of belief, faith, and loyalty to keep it flourishing. When we say we believe in someone it fills them with confidence to do much better in their lives and this can help boost the happiness factor in the relationship.

Relationships are mirrors that reflect our own beliefs. So in our marriage, we promise not only to believe in each other and our relationship but to also believe in ourselves. And we also practice to show faith and boost confidence in each other when one loses it. Because in our marriage, we believe that it’s not only our duty to make ourselves happy, but it is also our duty to make each other happy. And with a strong belief in ourselves, each other and our relationship each day we are striving to find happiness and fulfilment in our marriage. So, yeah, if you ask that one secret ingredient that we add to our marriage is definitely “Belief”. Go ahead. Add a little more belief in your marriage. You might be surprised!

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet C. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet A here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 153

“I promise to ADMIRE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

A is for ADMIRE

“I promise to ADMIRE and appreciate you for who you are, who you have been and who you wish to become.”

With this vow, we promise to always see the best in each other and support each other in our journey towards personal growth and self-improvement accepting all the forms of each other.

What does the vow mean?

The first part of the vow means:

If we go by the dictionary meaning of admiration, it says admiration is a feeling of delighted approval and liking. And so, admiration is one of the most powerful foundations for a long-lasting relationship. It is indeed a very strong first feeling you develop in a person you have known and you respect. Admiration has to do about the story you want to tell about your spouse to yourself. And, that means it should come straight from the heart. When I say “I promise to admire you” it means I have genuine respect for you which comes from the wonder, pleasure, and warmth I get in your company.

Admiration is, thus, the first positive feeling that makes us stick to our spouses because when all other emotions begin to fade away, only the best things that we see in our spouses makes us admire them.

The second part of the vow means:

Our past has a lot to do with who we are and who we have become. I have had my ups and downs, highs and lows, and successes and failures which have shaped me to be the person that I am today. To me, getting married always meant the ultimate acceptance of me from my partner, without any regrets, accepting me with open hearts and guiding me in our future with open arms. It has always been very important to me in our marriage that we both challenge each other and help each other grow to be a better person. Here, we don’t mean to improve the way the one wants the other to, but to improve in a way that one wants to improve herself for the mutual good.

Why do we need to ADMIRE our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?

When we are at the beginning of a relationship, during that rosy feeling of the butterflies-in-the-stomach kind, we usually tend to overlook all the negative habits in our partner which we begin to notice only when we have spent a considerable amount of time with them. And when we are past the all-is-roses phase, we suddenly begin to find those habits we once overlooked and didn’t mind about as unbearable and difficult to deal with. Marriage is choosing to see the best in you with all your heart and being reciprocated.

But it’s equally important for us to communicate and appreciate what we admire in our spouses. Mutual admiration is not only the foundation of a healthy marriage, but it is also a hallmark of a flourishing relationship. “I promise to admire” means I am ready to actively cultivate and focus on the positive in the one I deeply love.

But we need to understand that a relationship can only last when you try to focus on the good your partner has rather than ruminating about the bad. Nobody is perfect. Perfect is a lie. But still we can strive for a healthy relationship if we slightly change our outlook and that’s the image I hope to carry with me throughout my marriage. I hope as Mr. Husband and I grow in love, we continue to find unique ways to admire each other looking past our imperfections and helping each other to become the best version of ourselves. And this is how we vow to make each other happy and our relationship enjoyable.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet B. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 287