“I promise JUSTNESS and equality in our relationship, to be fair and to honour you as an individual besides our relationship.”

With this vow, we promise to always treat each other with fairness and justness and find a balance between individual needs as well as the needs of the relationship.

What does the vow mean?

If we go by the dictionary meaning, justness and equality mean free from favouritism or self-interest or bias or deception; conforming with established standards or rules. Equality means partners in a marriage see and treat each other as equals, with respect, taking into account each other’s needs, and supporting one another towards the achievement of a shared goal.

Why do we need JUSTNESS for a gratifying marriage?

Justness plays a very important role in our marriage. Nothing is more vital and gratifying in a marriage than seeing the marital union as fair and just. Though I believe in gender roles, I am all about gender equality and equality as partners in the relationship. But in our marriage more than equality, it’s about justness – it’s about how fairly we treat each other.

Justness in marriage is about understanding and working towards the needs of your spouse as an individual apart from the needs of the relationship. It means that in all fairness of the relationship the individual needs should not be ignored or disregarded.

So, when I say “I promise justness” it means I am willing to recognize and respect Mr. Husband’s needs besides addressing the needs of our relationship. It’s about working a balance between my needs, my partner’s needs and the needs of the relationship.

In our household, Mr. Husband is providing for the family while I am a stay-at-home mom and look after the baby. So, for us, the justness is more about equality through teamwork rather than equality through division. In our marriage, we find it just to do work together rather than assigning separate work to each. Mr. Husband is a very involved parent and apart from nursing, he has been helping in each and every baby chore. He doesn’t feel shy to help me out with the dishes and laundry as well while he also has to work 8-hour shifts at his office. If it wasn’t for the fair approach that we decided on before marriage,  I could have been struggling with dissatisfaction and resentment. So, “I promise justness” also means sharing goals and working at it together as a team to achieve it.

With justness in a marriage comes understanding and trust– understanding that your spouse is possibly doing all he can and trusting that whatever he is doing is for mutual good. And by cultivating the marital virtue of justness we are working to achieve more than just equality, we are progressing towards a more gratifying marriage on the common grounds of justness with mutual reciprocity of our ability to lovingly cooperate and adjust.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet K. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet I here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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