“I promise to be PATIENT with you and work through our marriage with love and perseverance.”
With this vow, we promise to always be patient with one another and build our marriage with endurance and determination.
What does the vow mean?
Patience is defined as the quality of enduring trying circumstances with even temper or characterized by such endurance while perseverance is defined as steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
Why do we need to PATIENT for a long lasting marriage?
Both patience and perseverance are traits that are equally important ingredients for the recipe of a happy and long lasting marriage. While patience is required to discern what is needed to be tolerated and what is needed to changed, perseverance is required for being persistent and determined to be working towards achieving it.
Mr. Husband takes double the amount of time I take to get ready and while I am mostly very particular and punctual about things his is a more laid back attitude. So our habits are sometimes troublesome for each other but we have realized that these are habits that are deeply ingrained in our personality and cannot be changed. So, when it still bothers us knowing that neither of us likely to change, we try to be patient with each other.
So when I say “I promise to be patient” it means we are willing to be enduring and love each other even through our imperfections.
Marriage is a journey which changes its shape and course with time as we grow and change. And besides being patient with one another we need to be patient with our marriage itself while it grows and changes along with us. And this is where perseverance comes into play. When the change is happening it is easy to lose sight of what once we considered as beautiful and sacred. But we need perseverance to stick together and work through them despite the distractions and obstacles that may come our way.
So, “I promise to be patient” also mean we are willing to be determined and headstrong to do whatever our marriage demands to be healthy and strong and emerge victorious with a deepened appreciation of the marriage and of each other.
“I promise to be OPEN-MINDED and learn to entertain new ideas and be accepting and embrace each other without prejudices.”
With this vow, we promise to always be willing to entertain new ideas and beliefs.
What does the vow mean?
Open-mindedness is defined as the willingness to consider new ideas, unprejudiced. It means to be aware and be willing to listen and take new points of view.
Why do we need to OPEN-MINDED for a satisfying relationship?
Being open-minded in a marriage is very vital for a healthy relationship. Mr. Husband and I come from different family backgrounds and have been raised with a particular set of beliefs and values. We both consider ourselves fairly open-minded but we both have some pretty strong opinions about certain things which we find it very difficult to deter from. And we often come across instances when we really don’t quite come to terms about a particular decision on a certain issue. That’s a really difficult situation to be in and we definitely struggle through it, believe me. But with time we have realized that having an open mind helps us to look at the matter from a different perspective.
So, when I say that “I promise to be open-minded” I mean that I am willing to be accepting and willing to entertain and let new beliefs to come in,
Being open-minded helps us to free our minds from limiting ideas and thoughts opening our mind beyond the boundaries and to consider different alternatives. Having an open-minded approach in our marriage has enhanced our ability to love and be loved allowing us to be more accepting and to have a deeper and more meaningful relationship.
So “I promise to be open-minded” also means that we are willing to expand our knowledge to be able to consider different possibilities and solutions to a problem without passing judgment.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet P. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet N here.
“I promise to NURTURE your dreams and ambitions, and celebrate our relationship through both failures and triumphs.”
With this vow, we promise to always cherish each other’s dreams, feed one another’s passions celebrate each other through the successes and failures.
What does the vow mean?
Nurture is defined as helping something grow and develop. So if we are nurturing something we want it to grow and flourish.
Why do we need to NURTURE for a gratifying relationship?
Everybody has their own dreams and ambitions which make their soul shine through them. And sometimes when we are getting into a relationship or in a marriage we are even impressed and attracted towards our partner’s dreams.
But in the hustle of life, we get so busy that we tend to forget what it was like to know your partner’s dream and see that twinkle in their eyes when they talk about it. It is very foolish of us to think that love or even marriage is self-sustaining when partners are so comfortable in love. Nothing is self-sustaining. It’s the biggest illusion one can have. Marriage needs to be fed and nurtured continuously through the ups and downs of life.
Every relationship, be it love or marriage, it needs nurturing. Nurturing, in fact, is a very important attribute in a married life which can bring about a big difference in the relationship. Nurturing is like a step towards knowing, understanding and honouring your partner’s dream and helping enough to work towards achieving them.
So, when I say that “I promise to nurture” I mean that we are willing to rekindle that lost spark of reaching for our dreams that tend to lose its lustre as we juggle our busy lives.
When we have spent so much time together we become so comfortable in love that we begin taking each other for granted. We forget to remember and cherish the beauty and worth of small things that usually go unnoticed and unappreciated. But it is through the act of nurturing that we can renew the lost charm and burnish our relationship again.
So, “I promise to nurture” also mean that we are willing to constantly renew our relationship by simple yet consistent acts of ingenuity and consideration and not let our marriage fall in the background. It means we choose to care enough about each other to create unique experiences for each other and not just feed individual dreams, but also have shared dreams and work towards them.
Mr. Husband has been this unwavering source of inspiration for my dreams. He’s like the wind beneath my wings; he not only motivates me to follow my dreams but also helps me in my journey of achieving them. We are growing our marriage into something very beautiful through the act of nurturing, are you?
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet O. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet M here.
“I promise to be MINDFUL and pay loving attention to you and the life we have built honouring one another with love and care.”
With this vow, we promise to always be aware and attentive to each other’s needs and treating each other with love, care, and mindfulness.
What does the vow mean?
A dictionary defines mindfulness as the trait of staying aware and paying close attention to your responsibilities. But being mindful in a marriage is not just about the responsibilities. It is about how well we can be tuned to our partner’s feelings, emotions, needs, and thoughts to be able to be attentive and accepting towards them without being judgmental. Being mindful is about being there for your partner at that moment and letting your thoughts concurring with your feelings.
Why do we need to be MINDFUL towards our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?
Mindfulness is a really great marital virtue when it comes to having a healthy and growing marriage. When we are in our “honeymoon phase” we have these very strong emotions and feelings about each other that usually cloud our eyes and make us overlook the flaws which might have been an issue had we not been blinded by love-crazed hormones. But before we know it the honeymoon phase is over and it is then that the disagreements begin to surface.
Marriage is a long journey and there come many moments when we are bound to have disagreements and arguments which may get escalated and heated up pretty easily. It is in those moments when we need to be mindful the most because most of the time we can’t possibly take back what’s been said in a heated moment when we don’t even mean it actually. So, when I say “I promise to be mindful”, it means that we are willing to regulate our own responses and to completely accept each other.
Abusing, name-calling and violence is a strict “NO” in our marriage, not even by mistake. Because we both know that once it gets started it can only get so mean and filthy from there. So, “I promise to be mindful” also means we are willing to be mindful and aware of not just our ways and words, but also our feelings. It means cultivating a non-judgmental awareness of your partner’s feelings and thoughts and not labelling them “right” or “wrong”. Practicing mindfulness early in our marriage has helped us steer clear of any major conflicts and hurling abuses because, with the value of mindfulness, we refrain from judging each other and be completely accepting of one another.
Mindfulness requires us to invest extra time and energy into understanding and being aware of each other’s feelings and emotion. But the thing it has to offer in the long run is totally worth it. Over the years our relationship has evolved exponentially. We have come a long way through our fair share of peace as well as challenging times. But by being mindful of each other through successes and failures, ups and downs, shining moments of glory and despicable moments of shame, we have grown and transcended into this blissful marital bond that’s beautiful beyond words.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet N. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet L here.
“I promise to LAUGH with you together in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow making the journey fun, exciting and worthwhile.”
With this vow, we promise to laugh together and cry together at things with one another and make it light and overcome the challenges together.
What does the vow mean?
Humour is defined as the quality of being funny and laughter is the act of showing or feeling pleasure or happiness. A sense of humour and the ability to make one laugh is one of the most sought after attributes in a partner. Why you ask? It’s because the kind of sense of humour a person has tells a lot about his personality and the kind of relationship we can expect from him. A good sense of humour is by far the most attractive and desirable quality in a spouse.
Why is it important to LAUGH for a happy and satisfying marriage?
When Mr. Husband came to see me for the first time the other quality I noticed in him which appealed to me the most apart from his decency was his sense of humour. While people look for different things in a partner for compatibility, I was looking for humour compatibility. And luckily I got it in Mr. Husband.
Isn’t it amazing to genuinely laugh at each other’s jokes and be goofy about it? In a marriage, it works wonders. Finding humour in our day to day lives has helped us cope with not just small challenges but also with the tragic. Laughing is such a mood elevator and stress buster. But it’s more so when you laugh together and share the same joy and sense of humour that the enjoyment is doubled. We have realized that when we find reasons to laugh together we feel more connected, relaxed and happy with each other.
So, when I say that “I promise to laugh” it means I am willing to integrate humour in our lives and choose to laugh at and with one another and at our circumstances.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet M. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet K here.
“I promise to be KIND and considerate of one another, be thoughtful of our feelings and needs and cultivate benevolence in our relationship.”
With this vow, we promise to always treat one another with kindness and be thoughtful and considerate to each other putting each other’s needs and feelings before our own.
What does the vow mean?
According to a dictionary, kindness is defined as the quality of being warm-hearted and considerate and humane and sympathetic. An act of kindness can be a simple thing, but it can be revolutionary in marriage since it is transformative. And though a simple thing we need strength and courage to show kindness.
Why do we need to be KIND towards one another for a healthy and happy marriage?
There’s no one thing that makes a marriage healthy and happy. But if I were to point out one major interpersonal skill that we require in a marriage to make it beautiful then it’s definitely going to kindness. Kindness is one attribute that’s a must in any marriage for it to be satisfying. Marriage is more about what you give than what you get. Being kind towards your partner harbours positive feelings in each other and propagates warmth and affection in the relationship.
Kindness doesn’t just mean being “nice” to each other. Our partners deserve every bit of our compassion and kindness considering the fact that we may not what they might be experiencing at work or at home. So the best we can do is being gentle towards them and offer kind and affectionate words. Kindness in words propagates confidence, but kindness in thinking and feeling propagates profoundness and love respectively.
So when I say “I promise to be kind” it also means that we are willing to be positive, affirming and compassionate about one another validating each other’s likes, feelings, and desires. Kindness also means being happy for your partner and being open about it.
Being kind doesn’t mean we are not allowed to have fights and arguments or have negative feelings. We don’t particularly have control over our feelings and reactions, but we sure do have control over our actions and how we choose to act upon our feelings. Being kind means you are willing to be considerate towards your partner and treat them with generosity. Also, an act of kindness is always remembered and acts as a buffer mitigating the feelings of hurt and anger and helping reestablish peace and harmony.
But we can never be kind to another person if we are not kind to ourselves. So, when I say “I promise to be kind” it also means that apart from being thoughtful of each other’s needs and desires, we are also willing to take good care of ourselves as well as treat ourselves with kindness and compassion. Being kind also means to treat them the way they want to be treated rather than the way we’d want to be treated.
A little kindness can go a long way and in marriage change the entire dynamics if we choose to add a little kindness to our everyday life. A smile when I offer coffee, a touch when I hand him lunch, appreciation on a nice shirt, a kiss when he leaves for office or greeting him with a smile when he’s back from office are some of the things I do on a daily basis as a way of showing affection towards Mr. Husband. I may not be able to control what he goes through the entire day, but I can certainly do my bit to help him get through the day. Our marriage is built with kindness and we have abundant kindness in our marriage.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet L. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet J here.
“I promise INTIMACY not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well reciprocating a sense of belongingness.”
With this vow, we promise to always reciprocate feelings of trust, emotional and physical closeness towards each other fostering a feeling of belonging together.
What does the vow mean?
A dictionary defines intimacy as closeness with a feeling of belonging together that is not particularly sexual but emotional and spiritual as well. Though intimacy can mean and involve sexual closeness too it is much more than just that. It means blending of hearts besides merging of bodies and being sexually intimate.
Why do we need INTIMACY for a satisfying marriage?
Intimacy in a marriage does majorly mean a sexual expression. If both the partners are able to express each other through sexual intimacy it does imply that they have attained a good level of intimacy in their relationship. But, marriage is meant to make two people one in all aspects, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. We generally talk of intimacy as being sexually intimate but it is not just about two bodies merging together, it has more to do with merging of two souls together. Intimacy allows us to “look into” each other’s soul fostering a feeling of belongingness.
So when I say “I promise intimacy” it means I am not just comfortable sharing that most special part of myself but it also means reaching that level of comfort in our relationship where I am emotionally close.
Intimacy in a marriage means letting your guards down and feeling vulnerable. Intimacy means that kind of closeness where you can express freely without reservations and feel accepted. So, “I promise intimacy” also means that I know you enough to see what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel. Intimacy means to know your spouse and be known in a manner that you may be able to complete each other’s sentences.
Intimacy is definitely a journey in itself which, undeniably, is a strong foundation to an everlasting and fulfilling marriage. In our marriage, we both are in our way of exploring our comfort level in our intimacy journey trying to build an everlasting relationship based on closeness, warmth, mutual trust, and reciprocity of intimacy.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet J. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet H here.
“I promise to be HOPEFUL for us for today and tomorrow and to see light at the end of the tunnel when probably there isn’t any and believe in endless possibilities.”
With this vow, we promise to always expect and wish to see a silver lining in every dark cloud and overcome our fears to convert them into undying trust in each other and our marriage.
What does the vow mean?
Hope is defined as earnest anticipation that comes with believing something good. Hope is a confident belief and a peaceful assurance that every dark cloud has a silver lining. Being hopeful means you have faith that belief that makes you trust in things trying and challenging times. Being hopeful means you are being optimistic and willing to look beyond the obvious.
Why do we need to be HOPEFUL for a fulfilling marriage?
Every marriage is challenging and complex, and there’s no denying that. We have had our share of ups and downs when everything seemed like falling apart. There have been challenging and trying times in our marriage when it seemed like it is not going to work. But soon we realized that when we chose to self-reflect in our marriage we could even transform the painful experiences into growth.
When I say “I promise to be hopeful” it means that rather than focus on the hurt, pain, and disappointment I am willing to concentrate and emphasize positive memories.
Hope is such a simple word but with profound meaning and can be just the right thing in difficult times. Hope stems from the faith and though we cannot see it hope still is the substance of what we believe. We believe in us and so we are willing to practice commitment through the challenges.
Our hope in our marriage is formed out of the image and desire of the life we want for us and the belief that we can have it if we work towards it. Being hopeful gives me the power to see our relationship in a new light of reassurance and to believe that there’s a window of opportunity with endless possibilities.
When I say “I promise to be hopeful” I mean I am willing to find ways to stay in love and stay married when it becomes easier to call it quits. Hope alone can mean the difference between giving up on something and hanging in there. Without faith, there is no hope, and without hope, there is no true faith.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet I. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet G here.
“I promise to FORGIVE and seek forgiveness and to always reach for you over my pride to hold and to heal you when you are hurt.”
With this vow, we promise to always reach out to each other over our pride and seek forgiveness if we have hurt, and grant forgiveness if we’ve been hurt allowing to heal and grow together.
What does the vow mean?
Forgiveness is a process that allows you to feel liberated by making you release anger and pain and allowing you to feel stronger and less vulnerable. Forgiveness is the very first step in any relationship that helps in moving forward and helps in healing and restoring as well as earning trust. Forgiveness is not only a gift of freedom that we choose to give ourselves but is also giving each other a healthy relationship unhampered by anger, hurt or resentment.
Why do we need to FORGIVE and seek forgiveness for a satisfying and fulfilling marriage?
Humans are prideful and egoistic beings. As humans, we are bound to make mistakes because to err is only human. Some mistakes we commit intentionally while some are totally unintended. And we are bound to hurt or be hurt. And in our marriage, we don’t even promise that we’ll never hurt each other because sometimes even the best intentions fall short.
I’ll tell you about the incident. It was Mr. Husband’s first birthday after marriage and we were living in different cities at the time. So I planned to surprise him by paying him a visit on his birthday. But when I reached there he did something which made me really disappointed in him. I was about to leave and return back feeling betrayed and hurt.
But what he did after was really unexpected. He literally begged me not to leave kneeling before me. He was really sorry and ashamed for what he had done and he started to cry asking for forgiveness. If you have ever seen your man cry for any reason you must know how it feels. And all I could do was hold him close and comfort him. We had both started to weep. His was because of the shame and fright that I might leave and mine was not because I was hurt but because I had never seen him broken like this before. He has always been a man of calm and composure. We stayed holding each other for very long – he weeping and asking for forgiveness and me comforting him. This moment has been forever etched in our memories. It was beyond magical. He sought forgiveness because he wanted this relationship more than anything and I granted him forgiveness to show my faith in him and our marriage. It is this kind of magical experience that makes forgiveness not only vital but also necessary in our marriage.
And we both felt that forgiveness was such a liberating act. I did feel extremely hurt for his actions but had I been festering my wounds holding on to the hurt it would have resulted in bitterness and ultimately, hatred. Rather I chose to let it go allowing both of us to heal and grow. Forgiveness is not the easiest of acts but the most liberating of all.
So when I say, “I promise to forgive” I mean I am willing to learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness to show faith in our marriage and keep it healthy allowing both of us to heal and grow and retain harmony.
Marriage needs forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting it or you can’t be hurt again. Forgiveness means that you are showing faith in the relationship to let things go and move forward with life. So when I say “I promise to forgive” it also means that we care enough for our relationship to give each other another chance by willing to get rid of the hurt, disappointment, and shame, breaking the cycle of bitterness and resentment and providing opportunities to move forward. Practicing forgiveness in our marriage allows us to bring peace of mind and satisfaction making us feel more connected.
We both have “fumbled” plenty of times in our marriage and it is natural and commonplace because not all days are rainbows and sunshine. We have plenty of misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts but we practice grace in our marriage and have learned to forgive allowing ourselves to keep bitterness away, mature in our faith and grow together. To grant forgiveness takes strength and so does accepting your fault and seeking forgiveness but it truly takes two forgivers for a happy marriage. And we are on that path already.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet G. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet E here.
“I promise to EMPATHISE and be better attuned to your feelings, perspectives, and experiences to develop a deeper connection and understanding.”
With this vow, we promise to develop a deeper connection and understanding of each others’ feelings by truly experiencing your emotions.
What does the vow mean?
Empathy is the ability to perceive the world through the eyes of another. It is the ability to understand the feelings and perspectives of another person by stepping into their shoes and guide our actions according to our understanding.
Why do we need to EMPATHISE with our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?
Empathy is rather an essential component of a successful relationship. When we show empathy the other person feels understood, valued and respected and we garner trust and likeness for ourselves. It is with empathy that we can tap into those genuine human connections and make the most out of our marriage.
Ours is an arranged marriage and we come from different backgrounds with different tastes and perspectives. But when we started empathising we started to be open about ourselves and started taking delight in each other. Empathy helped us bridge the divide between us made us appreciate each other and the life we have created together. It has deepened our marriage through a shared experience, perspective, and understanding.
Now, at six years and counting Mr. Husband and I have started taking each other for granted. Sometimes that’s a good thing because it shows the level of comfort we share in our relationship. But sometimes, when the things are assumed without actually being indicated or spoken about it hurts. So, “I promise to empathise” also means not only to be observant of each others’ feeling and but also to be aware of what’s behind that feeling. It is important to make each other feel welcome in our hearts by focussing on those strengths and qualities that we respect and honour in each other.
Motherhood has left me with some raw emotions. I’d be honest; there have been several times in my motherhood journey that I have found myself on the brink of depression. And if it wasn’t for Mr. Husband who empathised with me I started to feel understood. When he expressed empathy I felt that I was not just being heard, I felt I was listened to and understood and valued. And that is a great feeling. And when I felt I was valued I was willing to give what he wanted. That’s the power of empathy.
So when I say “I promise to empathise” it also means I shall cultivate compassion in my relationship which would help strengthen our bond more and value each other.
Empathising with each other has also been helped us to be non-judgmental of each other, stay calm during a conflict, being and rather look at things from each others’ perspective having attuned to each other.
So “I promise to empathise” also means that by developing fertile ground for empathy we are facilitating our marriage to grow and strengthen boosting positive regards, confidence, and trust in each other. And with empathy as an essential ingredient, we try to sail smoothly through our marriage.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet F. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here and the previous vow with alphabet D here.
Love,
Mrs. Sunshine
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