“I promise to FORGIVE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On April 6, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships2 Comments

“I promise to FORGIVE and seek forgiveness and to always reach for you over my pride to hold and to heal you when you are hurt.”

With this vow, we promise to always reach out to each other over our pride and seek forgiveness if we have hurt, and grant forgiveness if we’ve been hurt allowing to heal and grow together.

What does the vow mean?

Forgiveness is a process that allows you to feel liberated by making you release anger and pain and allowing you to feel stronger and less vulnerable. Forgiveness is the very first step in any relationship that helps in moving forward and helps in healing and restoring as well as earning trust. Forgiveness is not only a gift of freedom that we choose to give ourselves but is also giving each other a healthy relationship unhampered by anger, hurt or resentment.

Why do we need to FORGIVE and seek forgiveness for a satisfying and fulfilling marriage?

Humans are prideful and egoistic beings. As humans, we are bound to make mistakes because to err is only human. Some mistakes we commit intentionally while some are totally unintended. And we are bound to hurt or be hurt. And in our marriage, we don’t even promise that we’ll never hurt each other because sometimes even the best intentions fall short.

I’ll tell you about the incident. It was Mr. Husband’s first birthday after marriage and we were living in different cities at the time. So I planned to surprise him by paying him a visit on his birthday. But when I reached there he did something which made me really disappointed in him. I was about to leave and return back feeling betrayed and hurt.

But what he did after was really unexpected. He literally begged me not to leave kneeling before me. He was really sorry and ashamed for what he had done and he started to cry asking for forgiveness. If you have ever seen your man cry for any reason you must know how it feels. And all I could do was hold him close and comfort him. We had both started to weep. His was because of the shame and fright that I might leave and mine was not because I was hurt but because I had never seen him broken like this before. He has always been a man of calm and composure. We stayed holding each other for very long – he weeping and asking for forgiveness and me comforting him. This moment has been forever etched in our memories. It was beyond magical. He sought forgiveness because he wanted this relationship more than anything and I granted him forgiveness to show my faith in him and our marriage. It is this kind of magical experience that makes forgiveness not only vital but also necessary in our marriage.

And we both felt that forgiveness was such a liberating act. I did feel extremely hurt for his actions but had I been festering my wounds holding on to the hurt it would have resulted in bitterness and ultimately, hatred. Rather I chose to let it go allowing both of us to heal and grow. Forgiveness is not the easiest of acts but the most liberating of all.

So when I say, “I promise to forgive” I mean I am willing to learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness to show faith in our marriage and keep it healthy allowing both of us to heal and grow and retain harmony.

Marriage needs forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting it or you can’t be hurt again. Forgiveness means that you are showing faith in the relationship to let things go and move forward with life. So when I say “I promise to forgive” it also means that we care enough for our relationship to give each other another chance by willing to get rid of the hurt, disappointment, and shame, breaking the cycle of bitterness and resentment and providing opportunities to move forward. Practicing forgiveness in our marriage allows us to bring peace of mind and satisfaction making us feel more connected.

We both have “fumbled” plenty of times in our marriage and it is natural and commonplace because not all days are rainbows and sunshine. We have plenty of misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts but we practice grace in our marriage and have learned to forgive allowing ourselves to keep bitterness away, mature in our faith and grow together. To grant forgiveness takes strength and so does accepting your fault and seeking forgiveness but it truly takes two forgivers for a happy marriage. And we are on that path already.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet G. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet E here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

“I promise to EMPATHISE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On April 5, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, RelationshipsLeave a comment

“I promise to EMPATHISE and be better attuned to your feelings, perspectives, and experiences to develop a deeper connection and understanding.”

With this vow, we promise to develop a deeper connection and understanding of each others’ feelings by truly experiencing your emotions.

What does the vow mean?

Empathy is the ability to perceive the world through the eyes of another. It is the ability to understand the feelings and perspectives of another person by stepping into their shoes and guide our actions according to our understanding.

Why do we need to EMPATHISE with our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?

Empathy is rather an essential component of a successful relationship. When we show empathy the other person feels understood, valued and respected and we garner trust and likeness for ourselves. It is with empathy that we can tap into those genuine human connections and make the most out of our marriage.

Ours is an arranged marriage and we come from different backgrounds with different tastes and perspectives. But when we started empathising we started to be open about ourselves and started taking delight in each other. Empathy helped us bridge the divide between us made us appreciate each other and the life we have created together. It has deepened our marriage through a shared experience, perspective, and understanding.

Now, at six years and counting Mr. Husband and I have started taking each other for granted. Sometimes that’s a good thing because it shows the level of comfort we share in our relationship. But sometimes, when the things are assumed without actually being indicated or spoken about it hurts. So, “I promise to empathise” also means not only to be observant of each others’ feeling and but also to be aware of what’s behind that feeling. It is important to make each other feel welcome in our hearts by focussing on those strengths and qualities that we respect and honour in each other.

Motherhood has left me with some raw emotions. I’d be honest; there have been several times in my motherhood journey that I have found myself on the brink of depression. And if it wasn’t for Mr. Husband who empathised with me I started to feel understood. When he expressed empathy I felt that I was not just being heard, I felt I was listened to and understood and valued. And that is a great feeling. And when I felt I was valued I was willing to give what he wanted. That’s the power of empathy.

So when I say “I promise to empathise” it also means I shall cultivate compassion in my relationship which would help strengthen our bond more and value each other.

Empathising with each other has also been helped us to be non-judgmental of each other, stay calm during a conflict, being and rather look at things from each others’ perspective having attuned to each other.

So “I promise to empathise” also means that by developing fertile ground for empathy we are facilitating our marriage to grow and strengthen boosting positive regards, confidence, and trust in each other. And with empathy as an essential ingredient, we try to sail smoothly through our marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet F. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet D here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

“I promise to be DEVOTED” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On April 4, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, RelationshipsLeave a comment

“I promise to be DEVOTED and committed to you through both sunshine and the clouds and to continue to be passionate about us.”

With this vow, we promise to be fully dedicated to each other investing our full energy, love, desire, and loyalty into our relationship through the good parts and the bad alike. We promise to find things in each other that are worth fighting for, seeing them through and rediscovering them time and again.

What does the vow mean?

Devotion is defined as a strong feeling of ardent love and loyalty and that is why devotion is an essential virtue in a marriage. When you thought there was nothing quite as electrifying as falling in love you just came to realize that staying in love is more soul-satisfying. And that is what is achieved through devotion. Devotion is a direct reflection of the respect you have for your own ideas, vision, and well-being.

You need passion to burn the flame brightly but you need the devotion to keep it burning. Passion helps you start a relationship but it is devotion that makes you stay in the relationship and keeps you falling in love with the same person again and again.

Why do we need to be DEVOTED to our spouse for a successful marriage?

When we first met, though I found Mr. Husband a very decent man I still wasn’t keen on starting a relationship with him. On the other hand, he was very sure about me and said ‘yes’ the next day. I didn’t find him an interesting man initially but as we progressed in our relationship he started to grow on me. With time, I began recognizing the deeper and meaningful qualities he has. And slowly and gradually something changed in me and he started becoming more and more attractive to me. And before I could know I was madly in love with him. While it was love at first sight for him, it didn’t happen overnight for me. It took devotion – the time and emotions that Mr. Husband devoted to understanding me.

So, when I say “I promise to be devoted” it means I respect my man enough to be making a genuine effort to truly understand his dreams, his fears, and his desires and I am willing to let things unfold over time.

I strongly believe that being devoted to each other will help us achieve a lifetime of happiness. Why you ask? Because, the best relationships start with a passion but last because of devotion. Early in a relationship, it is very natural to feel “the high” as we feel excited and passionate to discover new things and have new experiences. But over time as the novelty begins to wear off and we start becoming more familiar with the person, the passion fizzles away. It takes devotion to rediscover the passion that made them in the first place.

So, when I say “I promise to be devoted” I mean I am willing to continually rediscover those amazing shared experiences we once discovered out of passion and continue to stay in love. And by being devoted to each other’s dreams, aspirations and wellbeing we hope and wish to have a happy, successful and satisfying marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet E. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet C here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

“I promise to COMMUNICATE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On April 3, 2019April 4, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, RelationshipsLeave a comment

“I promise to COMMUNICATE fully, fearlessly and effectively not only to convey my feelings to you, but also to listen to yours and establish a better understanding.”

With this vow, we promise to establish a true understanding by not only voicing one’s own feelings, but also making sure to listen to what the other has to say, and be open-minded to see things from their perspective.

What does the vow mean?

The dictionary meaning of communication says it is the transfer of information from one person to another. But, communication in relationships and especially in marriage is much more than the transfer of information; it is how we interact and connect with people around us. Communication brings transparency in a relationship which helps build and strengthen the trust, confidence, and bonding between two people. And good communication means we respect our partner enough to be honest and true to them.

Relationships are built around communication and communication is very important in a healthy marriage. While relationships reflect how we are perceived and how we are valued, the way we communicate reflects the kind of relationship we hope to have.

How important it is to COMMUNICATE with your spouse for a healthy marriage?

Communication is very important in a marriage and the effectiveness of communication decides the quality of your relationship. We need to communicate to develop a better understanding and get connected to our spouses on a deeper level.

Communication without a doubt is the cornerstone of our loving marriage. It has been playing a crucial role in our relationship since the time we were engaged to be married. We were in a long distance relationship during our courtship period when we just used to talk on the phone. And our interest in each other mostly grew out of talking and sharing about things we were passionate about.

Importance of speaking in a relationship

It gives me a great sense of acceptance and validation having Mr. Husband taking a genuine interest when I share and discuss my feelings with him. In turn, it gives Mr. Husband a great sense of relief when I shape my feelings in words rather than keep him guessing or letting him assume. Isn’t that what marriage is all about – to understand and be understood?

So, when I say “I promise to communicate” it means that I shall honestly express myself clearly without holding back my emotions even if it is a negative emotion. In our marriage, there’s a place for negative emotions because negative emotions also make us the humans that we are until we convey and get them out. Burying negative emotions can lead to dissatisfaction and agony. But, if we voice our feelings we can discuss them out and solve it together.

Misunderstood communication leads to resentment in a relationship. But in our marriage, there’s no space for resentment and for that, we make sure to deliver our messages across very loud and clear. And just so that no scope of doubt remains we even practice a habit of reiterating and asking if the message has been conveyed the way it was meant to be.

Importance of listening in a relationship

Hearing is not the same as listening. Hearing is when you receive an audible sound and listening is when you pay close attention to it. Just as important as it is to express and convey your feelings to your partner it is equally important to listen to what your partner has to say about their feelings.

So, when I say “I promise to communicate” it also means that I am open and willing to seek understanding of what Mr. Husband has to say. It means I am willing to be attentive and present to the conversation, even though I might disagree with what he’s saying or even if I might have listened to it many times before.

Communication is definitely an important aspect of a healthy and satisfying marriage. Our marriage thrives on the open exchange of emotion, desires, and beliefs. And, honest and effective communication whether it be verbal, non-verbal, written or touch is what we practice in our marriage for it to be healthy and growing.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet D. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet B here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

“I promise to BELIEVE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On April 2, 2019April 4, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships5 Comments

“I promise to BELIEVE and have faith in us, me and our relationship, and to strengthen our confidence without reservations for whatever life hands us.”

With this vow, we promise to always believe in ourselves, each other, and our relationship. We promise to have and show confidence in each other to deal with whatever life hands us without any fear, apprehensions, and reservations and see our relationship as a place of comfort and a platform for growth.

What does the vow mean?

Belief is the secret magical ingredient that is a must for a healthy everlasting relationship and a good marriage. Belief is when you place your complete confidence and loyalty in someone. Belief is when you have deep faith in someone free from any doubts which have a positive influence on their self-esteem. When I say “I promise to believe” it means I have genuine and complete confidence in you and your actions without any fear and apprehensions.

Believing in our relationship and in our marriage is by far the greatest way we practice to make our lives better. And our willingness to believe that we are in the right relationship with the right person for all the right reasons is what makes us a happy couple who are blissfully married.

Why do we need to BELIEVE in the relationship for a healthy marriage?

Believe in yourself

The kind relationships we have with others are always mirrors reflecting the kind of relationship we have with ourselves. We can have a thriving relationship and a happy marriage only when we have a thriving relationship with ourselves. And it’s because we tend to reflect our own beliefs and faiths in the people who we are in relationships with.

People who are happy with themselves reflect that in their relationships as well. And the people who are happy can do this is because they have found their true identity, they believe in themselves and love their innermost being. And those who fail to find their true identity within themselves look upon others to define them, inviting unhappiness in their own lives as well as when in a relationship with others.

So when I say ‘I promise to believe” it also means that I am willing to believe in myself because I have realized that since the relationship I have with Mr. Husband will be mirroring the kind of relationship I have with myself I need to have a positive and healthy relationship with my own self.

There was a time when I was on my lowest self-esteem and had lost all sense of self-worth. That was the time when I was having a strained relationship with Mr. Husband. And it was only when Mr. Husband showed confidence and belief in me and our relationship, that I could overcome my fears and started gaining back my lost belief in myself. And it was then that loving me became admittedly easier, I started to develop back my confidence and also my ability to connect back meaningfully with Mr. Husband. A lot in our marriage depends on the belief that we have in each other.

Believe in the relationship

Relationships are perplexing in nature and marriage is the next level kind of relationship where we commit for our whole lives. So it does need to have some amount of belief, faith, and loyalty to keep it flourishing. When we say we believe in someone it fills them with confidence to do much better in their lives and this can help boost the happiness factor in the relationship.

Relationships are mirrors that reflect our own beliefs. So in our marriage, we promise not only to believe in each other and our relationship but to also believe in ourselves. And we also practice to show faith and boost confidence in each other when one loses it. Because in our marriage, we believe that it’s not only our duty to make ourselves happy, but it is also our duty to make each other happy. And with a strong belief in ourselves, each other and our relationship each day we are striving to find happiness and fulfilment in our marriage. So, yeah, if you ask that one secret ingredient that we add to our marriage is definitely “Belief”. Go ahead. Add a little more belief in your marriage. You might be surprised!

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet C. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet A here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

“I promise to ADMIRE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On March 31, 2019April 4, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships7 Comments

“I promise to ADMIRE and appreciate you for who you are, who you have been and who you wish to become.”

With this vow, we promise to always see the best in each other and support each other in our journey towards personal growth and self-improvement accepting all the forms of each other.

What does the vow mean?

The first part of the vow means:

If we go by the dictionary meaning of admiration, it says admiration is a feeling of delighted approval and liking. And so, admiration is one of the most powerful foundations for a long-lasting relationship. It is indeed a very strong first feeling you develop in a person you have known and you respect. Admiration has to do about the story you want to tell about your spouse to yourself. And, that means it should come straight from the heart. When I say “I promise to admire you” it means I have genuine respect for you which comes from the wonder, pleasure, and warmth I get in your company.

Admiration is, thus, the first positive feeling that makes us stick to our spouses because when all other emotions begin to fade away, only the best things that we see in our spouses makes us admire them.

The second part of the vow means:

Our past has a lot to do with who we are and who we have become. I have had my ups and downs, highs and lows, and successes and failures which have shaped me to be the person that I am today. To me, getting married always meant the ultimate acceptance of me from my partner, without any regrets, accepting me with open hearts and guiding me in our future with open arms. It has always been very important to me in our marriage that we both challenge each other and help each other grow to be a better person. Here, we don’t mean to improve the way the one wants the other to, but to improve in a way that one wants to improve herself for the mutual good.

Why do we need to ADMIRE our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?

When we are at the beginning of a relationship, during that rosy feeling of the butterflies-in-the-stomach kind, we usually tend to overlook all the negative habits in our partner which we begin to notice only when we have spent a considerable amount of time with them. And when we are past the all-is-roses phase, we suddenly begin to find those habits we once overlooked and didn’t mind about as unbearable and difficult to deal with. Marriage is choosing to see the best in you with all your heart and being reciprocated.

But it’s equally important for us to communicate and appreciate what we admire in our spouses. Mutual admiration is not only the foundation of a healthy marriage, but it is also a hallmark of a flourishing relationship. “I promise to admire” means I am ready to actively cultivate and focus on the positive in the one I deeply love.

But we need to understand that a relationship can only last when you try to focus on the good your partner has rather than ruminating about the bad. Nobody is perfect. Perfect is a lie. But still we can strive for a healthy relationship if we slightly change our outlook and that’s the image I hope to carry with me throughout my marriage. I hope as Mr. Husband and I grow in love, we continue to find unique ways to admire each other looking past our imperfections and helping each other to become the best version of ourselves. And this is how we vow to make each other happy and our relationship enjoyable.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet B. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

What marriage means to me?

On March 29, 2019March 30, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships24 Comments

Marriage to me is a conscious choice of choosing us over and over again!

With BlogchatterA2Z Challenge Theme Reveal you have already come to know that I’ll be rededicating my marriage by renewing my wedding vows. But this time around instead of 7 there are going to be 26 vows with 26 alphabets spread across 26 posts. So with this post, let me give you an opening, a sneak peek of what you’ll be getting to read and know about what you may expect from my posts through the entire month.

What do you say when someone asks you what marriage means to you?

Well, when someone asked me the same question I was so stupefied with the question that I stood there tongue-tied gaping at the questioner like a fool. Yeah, that’s what I did. But why didn’t I have anything to say for such a simple question? I was extremely embarrassed at my own lack of expression.

But this really made me ponder and reflect on what marriage truly means to me. And when I truly understood what marriage means to me, I was flabbergasted by the profoundness of its meaning and its significance in my life, rather our life because Mr. Husband and I share more or less the same ideologies. We are similar that way!

So, coming back to the question of what marriage means to me?

Having grown up in a family where my mom and dad followed and practiced a healthy and growing relationship I couldn’t have had a more positive and inconvertible feeling towards this sacred institution.

I wonder if I’d have the same irrefutable feeling had I been raised in a broken marriage. But regardless of that, I still feel marriage to me is much more than just paperwork and legal binding or social affirmation of two couples staying together.

Marriage to me is the “gift for life” as well as the “gift of life”. To me, marriage is a celebration not just for the day that we get married, but for the whole life – celebrating each other as we build a life together.

Marriage to me is a journey of a lifelong commitment to each other through everything – the good parts, the bad parts and everything in between, but out of love and not out of obligation.

Marriage to me is sticking together, no matter what, on days when we’re head over heels in love with each other, but mostly on days where we’d rather leave each other alone and not see each others’ faces. It means sticking together even when things get inevitably difficult and we’d rather find it easy to walk away desperately wanting to start over and start afresh.

Marriage to me is to share not just the last name or the same bed or the same closet. Marriage is sharing a family, sharing the joys and sorrows – sharing a life.

Marriage to me is choosing to say “I love you” every day building a life together not just over countless conversations – some serious, some nonsensical, myriad of fights and disagreements – some logical some, illogical, not just over annoyance and mundanity, but also over pure happiness and sheer joy, the kind that makes your heart flutter and makes the journey worth it.

So, here’s a small poem I wrote about what marriage means to me:

Marriage to me is a beautiful song
Of forgiveness when one is wrong
To be singing when one gets hurt
Giving them reasons to stay strong!
Marriage to me is treasure and wealth
A lifelong commitment until comes death
To find them the light when one gets lost
And to stick together in sickness and in health!
Marriage to me is a remarkable way
To celebrate life, make merry, and to play
But also when it gets rough and one gets sad
To be present for them to save the day!
Marriage to me is a gift for life
Where you either be one or get a wife
You strive to grow and build a life together
And have a family to cherish as a gift of life!

No wonder I was dumbfounded by the question. Sometimes when it means so much it’s hard to express it in just a few words. Sometimes when it means so much it’s easy to write volumes of books on it. But hold your thought right there, I’d rather suffice with this small blog post for what it means to me. And when marriage means so much to me, it’s only coherent that I renew my vows and rededicate my marriage with this person to whom I’m bound to for now and forever. Join us as we redefine our marriage this April.

And I would definitely love to hear your views and opinions to this question – “What marriage means to you?” in the comments below.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

BlogchatterA2Z Challenge 2019 – Theme Reveal

On March 21, 2019March 29, 2020 By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships4 Comments

“Marriage Rededicated” is my theme for BlogchatterA2Z

Hello Readers!

March was fun with three posts in a week on Women’s Day. But April is going to be extra fun. I’m excited to share that my one-year wait has finally come to an end and I’m finally participating in the crazy BlogchatterA2Z Blogging Challenge.

Why crazy?

Because I need to post 26 posts in a single month. Can you imagine the madness? I posted a total of 30 posts in the last year that I have been blogging, and now I need to post a similar number in just a month. Whaaatttt??? That’s crazy, right? But you know what, I’m crazier, and I’m determined to complete the challenge whatever it takes.

BlogchatterA2Z Blogging Challenge

If you are wondering what BlogchatterA2Z challenge is, let me tell you it is an exciting and thrilling, action-and-drama-packed, month-long blogging challenge where the participant needs to put up 26 posts with 26 alphabets in 26 days (Sundays being a holiday). The posts can be a part of a theme or individual posts depending on the participant’s choice.

So, with that being said I have chosen to stick to a theme for myself to give a feel, connect and solidarity to my posts, something that my readers can look forward to reading each day throughout the month. And now, it’s time for the “Theme Reveal” and I can already sense the adrenaline gushing in me, that’s the kind of excitement BlogchatterA2Z challenge entails and is raved about. Excited much?

Theme Reveal

The theme that I have chosen for the challenge is “Marriage Rededicated”. Yes, that’s the theme I choose for the challenge. Having been known each other for 6 years of marriage plus 6 months of courtship we have started to take each other for granted. With Shaarav in our lives, we hardly take time to appreciate each other. We both take very highly of our marriage and we just want to appreciate, cherish and invest in it a little more than we already do. We wish to give our marriage an extra shine with a little extra polish. And to add that extra shine, I suggested it’s time we renewed our marriage vows, but with a slight twist. Also, I did not want to wait for a landmark anniversary or veritable lifetime to pass before I did this. It’s time we celebrated our marriage and reaffirmed our commitment towards the person we would like to spend an eternity with. So, join me as we renew our marriage vows by taking not 7, but 26 vows through alphabets A to Z with #MarriageRededicated. Exciting, right?

With these 26 vows from 26 alphabets spread across 26 posts through BlogchatterA2Z, I wish to redefine our marriage. With this challenge, I should also be able to set new relationship goals for us and also add a little extra shine to our already shining marriage. This April should be special as I celebrate and cherish our marriage with a new vow each day. Keep watching this space starting 1^st of April’ 2019 as I rededicate my marriage vows, or even better you too could with me.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!

On March 9, 2019March 10, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Relationships1 Comment

I’m okay with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!

In the previous post I talked about how I might be a “work in progress” but still, “I love me.” In this post, let’s talk about how I came to appreciate who I am and what I am and why I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!

I was this super skinny girl, both literally and figuratively, throughout my preteen years right until I got married. I started putting on weight only after I got married and during my pregnancy, I put on some 20 kilos. And although all the baby weight I had gained went away the way it came, the stubborn abdominal fat stayed behind and refuses to go away. So if you ask me what shape I am now, I’m clueless myself. Because I used to be a perfect size M but now I’m somewhere between a size M and L as M feels a bit smaller while L is too large.

Body image is a mental representation that we create for our body compared to the standards set by the society, disregard of how others perceive us. Body image, whether positive or negative can play a vital role in a person’s mental and physical well-being. And depending on the type of body image a person has for oneself, it can either conjure feelings of security, love, and value (positive body image) or inflict feelings of shame and self-pity (negative body image).

I was once a typical case of a person with a sense of negative body image. During my skinny years, even the rudest people who made mean and snide remarks could never make me feel low, discouraged or demoralized. But when you make harsh comments about your own body, by saying it out loud or by even thinking it, it hurts your self-esteem more and it hurts just as much as if when somebody else said it. So, it was me who admonished my own body because I couldn’t wear a certain type of clothes I’d like to wear. I won’t say I was ashamed of my body, but I felt very self-conscious and insecure about it for a really long time. It was my own disoriented view of the aesthetics of my body which filled me with dissatisfaction, made me feel disheartened and lowered my self-esteem.

Our society has placed inordinate value on the beauty of the human body since time immemorial. And, we’ve been brought up in a society where we are conditioned to believe a certain body shape to be perfect. And the cherry on the cake is the digital media, which have been flooding the world with such highly stylized and unrealistic appearance ideals, creating a very flawed concept of “perfect.” The high cultural expectation from this unobtainable “perfect” that has been fabricated in our society has been leading to a lot of discontentment and insecurities in people like me who lack it.

But not long ago, I stumbled upon this beautiful song “Perfect” by Anne Marie with a very powerful message of self-acceptance and it made me realize that I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!

I realized that I don’t need a perfect body to feel perfect. I needed to like my body to feel perfect. And when rather than fixating on body negativity I started focussing on body positivity I had a clear true perception of my body and it was then I began to respect, appreciate and celebrate my body.

Why do we need somebody else’s approval for our own body? Aren’t we unique because of our imperfections? The ode to self-love is all about loving our imperfections. That’s what makes us perfect, right. And, I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!

This post is a part of the #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon Train hosted by Preetjyot, Jasmeet, and Charu. It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers are celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. I would like to thank Ravijot Kaur for introducing me. Ravijot is a strong single mother who is courageously raising her daughter. She shares the journey of her life with multifarious interests at Shining Shower. Read her take on the prompt “Body positivity” here. I would like to introduce Revati Bhushan. A fellow stay-at-home mom she was a Soft Skills Trainer in the corporate world when motherhood happened. She now shares her parenting journey at Mommy Musings. I’m sure you will enjoy reading her take on the prompt here. Please check out other wonderful posts on the theme by other boarders as well. Here comes the train! Choo Choo!

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Hosted By :#MyLittleMuffin #TheMomSagas #MommyVoyage

I might be a “work in progress” but still, “I love me”

On March 7, 2019March 10, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Motherhood, Relationships2 Comments

I am a stay-at-home mother and trust me it is extremely difficult to be one. It can get overly lonely, isolating and depressing at times. Being a stay-at-home mom is difficult and the never-ending responsibilities can feel like growing on you. There are high expectations of being a stay-at-home mom. Not just from the little human dependent on me, but also from Mr. Husband and people around me, but mostly the expectations are self-inflicted by my skewed views of myself and how I dreamt and envisioned my life to be. And being a Virgo I have a habit of being overcritical of things and in particular myself. I tend to over-analyze stuff and get worried needlessly. There was once a point in my life when I had lost all sense of self-worth and didn’t value myself. I constantly sought acceptance and approval of somebody for the most trivial things. I was at my lowest best and I had begun to harbour negative emotions, not for anybody else but for myself.

And then I came across this very inspiring song by Meghan Trainor “I Love Me.” There never have been more self-empowering words than these.

I’m sure I loved myself. But did I actually?

It hit me where it hurt the most. But before I could truly love myself I needed to discover the real me. I needed to identify who the real me was. When I started introspecting I became very vulnerable to my own thoughts and feelings. The guards which I had been putting up for so long were suddenly brought down. It made me confront with my own unknown and unfathomed emotions enlightening those uncharted regions of my heart. And I had to face my own deepest fears and apprehensions. But, when I came to acknowledge those unsounded emotions, I felt the power to transform those fears into something more positive and more creative. It helped me to contemplate and express myself without any reservation leaving me feeling empowered.

It was then I found a world of freedom – freedom of thoughts, freedom of expression and freedom of personality. I discovered a sense of liberation from hypocrisy. I found my individuality – letting me make mistakes, letting me learn from them and giving me the gift of experience. I could believe in myself and my dreams – to be myself. Not only did the song inspired me to stand for the values and beliefs that I hold true, but it also helped me discover the real me – the “me” that was lost somewhere. And then it finally happened! I was in love – with me!

I might be a “work in progress” learning to celebrate myself appreciating and honouring “me” for my gifts and talents along with all my flaws and shortcomings but I still, “I love me.”

I might be a “work in progress” growing in confidence and as a person and even when it does seem daunting and confusing at the same time figuring out my truest essence but still, “I love me.”

I might be a “work in progress” identifying, exploring and expressing my individuality and uniqueness. But I believe in my authenticity and originality. I represent my own style, character, and opinion and “I love me” for it.

I might be a “work in progress” still trying to come to terms with the true perception of who I am and testing my newfound courage and freedom but still, “I love me” for it.

And I have realized that loving me is the best I can do at loving others. I mean, how I could love someone else before loving myself. Today I feel closer to myself I have ever been. Because I not only love me when everybody does, but I also love me when nobody does.

And amidst all the chaos of finding and getting found, it suddenly dawned on me that there might be all these ideals about what is perfect and what is beautiful and what is smart, but the most appealing thing is, that which is “me” is nobody else. I am “special” indeed in my own way and I am going to live that way. I am happy loving me because it has made my life more enlightening, meaningful and fulfilling. And this blog, my friends, is the result of discovering my true self, where I truly embody my truest essence, setting myself free, feeling liberated, loving myself and spreading the word.

Ever since “I love me” more each day and this song has become my go-to motto and even now whenever I feel blue or need self-esteem boost I simply put the song on the speaker to get my groove back!

This post is a part of the #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon Train hosted by Preetjyot, Jasmeet, and Charu. It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers are celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. I would like to thank Ravijot Kaur for introducing me. Ravijot is a strong single mother who is courageously raising her daughter. She shares the journey of her life with multifarious interests at Shining Shower. Read her take on the prompt “Self-love” here. I would like to introduce Revati Bhushan. A fellow stay-at-home mom she was a Soft Skills Trainer in the corporate world when motherhood happened. She now shares her parenting journey at Mommy Musings. I’m sure you will enjoy reading her take on the prompt here. Please check out other wonderful posts on the theme by other boarders as well. Here comes the train! Choo Choo!

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Hosted By :#MyLittleMuffin #TheMomSagas #MommyVoyage