Category: Blogchatter Projects

The Truth Behind My Picture-perfect Motherhood

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Challenges, Motherhood, Parenting25 Comments

Have you wondered what picture-perfect motherhood might be like for you? I imagine it to be like the one where I am utter patient with my child, where I refrain from shouting at him out of frustration because he spilled water again and I need to clean it up or I come back home tired wanting to lie down for some time only to find a whole pile of toys scattered all over the bed. Picture-Perfect motherhood for me would be where he listens to me once for a change and does exactly what he’s being asked to do. Sigh! Wouldn’t life be so much easier and so much beautiful if we had everything our way? But the reality is entirely different from what we want and how it is.

These past three months that I have been working I have been juggling my life. I wake up at 5 am in the morning and the first thing I do is put dirty laundry in the washing machine. Then I begin to cook and clean which I try to complete by 7 am because by that time it’s already time to wake Shaarav up and get him ready for school. I completely need to be with Shaarav until 8 am at which he leaves for school. During that one hour, I need to wake him up, make him brush his teeth, bathe him, massage and change and feed him and get him ready for school. Believe me, getting through this one hour daily is the toughest and the most draining hour of my entire day. It’s a real struggle with a toddler who wants to sleep a little more and doesn’t want to wake up, or takes an eternity to brush his teeth asking for more toothpaste repeatedly, or is reluctant to take a bath or refuses to come out of the tub or wants to wear jeans and redshirt when I picked black trousers and yellow T-shirt for him to wear, or when he wants to eat bread and jam when I prepared aaloo paranthas for him after confirming with him thrice. And mind you, these are just some of the unreasonable demands that I need to entertain and honour every day.

I try to maintain my calm and not lose my patience, but going through all this daily besides solo parenting when I have a schedule to maintain because I have to catch a 9.30 am bus to office if I don’t want to get late is insane. I feel I don’t get enough time for myself anymore because after returning from work when all I want is to lie down for some time and check my Emails, Facebook or WhatsApp my son comes running up to me with his favourite storybook asking me to put my phone away and tell him the same story a 100th time.

And I have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from scolding him and consciously take a few deep breaths to curb my rising frustration before I take the storybook from him with a smile, pick him up and place him on my lap kissing him on his cheeks and begin our storytelling session.

When I thoroughly believed that my life as a stay-at-home mom was tough I am realizing that my life as a working mom has become a whole lot tougher. I constantly have to deal with a guilty conscience for not being able to make enough time for my son anymore – for not being a perfect mother to my child. I constantly find myself torn apart by the conflicting feelings of wanting some time off for myself and then ending up feeling that I wasted the time which I could have given to my son. I feel like I could go crazy dealing with this every day.

But a growing realization that I had not so long ago is that in my pursuit of being an ideal mother I had stopped being a real one. But now I have understood that it’s not wrong to idealize motherhood, but the kind of mother that I have been idealizing isn’t the mother that lives the same life as me. Reality is that there’s no perfect motherhood and there’s no perfect, one-size-fits-all love. When I first met Mr. Husband, I remember having the feeling that I couldn’t love another human more until I met my son. I look at him and it feels he’s enough and more I could have ever asked for. My life derives its very meaning from his existence. And I might not be a perfect mother or I might not even don picture-perfect motherhood, but one thing I’m very sure of is that I can love my son perfectly despite my lack of perfection.

And for that I need to be kind – kind not just to my innocent child but kind to me as well, for I have been harsh on myself for way too long. I need to choose kindness over harsh judgement because if there’s one thing I ever want to do perfectly is to make my son feel free and safe by my love. And love can feel safe only when there’s acceptance – acceptance that the real motherhood is as beautiful as or even more beautiful than picture-perfect motherhood, and that I might never be a perfect mother but I can be the perfect me.

Read about my theme reveal post for #MyFriendAlexa Season 4 here.

P.S. I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

 

Views: 1170

#MyFriendAlexa – Theme Reveal

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Motherhood6 Comments
“My Cup of Motherhood” is my theme for #MyFriendAlexa

Hello Readers!

Do you remember the month of April when I participated in the crazy BlogchatterA2Z blogging challenge? Yeah, it’s the same one where I had to put up 26 posts with 26 alphabets in 26 days. So you must remember how fun, exciting and full of madness it was. So, Blogchatter hosts another blogging challenge which is called #MyFriendAlexa and this year they are running its 4th season. I had been waiting to participate in it since last year when I came to know about it but was too late to register myself for it. But my wait is finally over. #MyFriendAlexa is here with its fourth season and I am all set to participate in this one of a kind blogging campaign.

#MyFriendAlexa Blogging Challenge

If you are wondering what #MyFriendAlexa challenge is, let me tell you it is an annual blogging campaign hosted by Team Blogchatter which aims to raise the Alexa ranking of one’s blog. Alexa ranking is a measure of one’s website’s popularity which takes into account the number of visitors and the amount of engagement one gets on their blog over a while. Depending on the same the lesser the Alexa number is the more popular the blog is.

So each year Team Blogchatter comes up with a unique plan to help fellow bloggers not just to increase their online presence by providing motivation to write for their own blogs that would aid in raising their Alexa ranks, but to also boost engagements by prompting to read, comment and share posts from other fellow bloggers as well.

So as part of the #MyFriendAlexa campaign, I’d need to write 8 compulsory blog posts spread over 4 weeks in September. Besides, I’d also need to read around 10-12 blogs each day throughout the challenge which would help me discover new blogs and new people to interact with. Had I mentioned aching eyes, cramped fingers and burning the midnight oil during BlogchatterA2Z challenge? It’s going to be a similar environment with all-day work at the office struggling to meet the deadlines and then coming home fulfill your passion. Mind you, just like BlogchatterA2Z #MyFriendAlexa too is not for the faint-hearted since it would require you to push your limits. It’s crazy, right? Well, I’m crazier and I’m hell-bent to complete it and give my writing inertia a little push to gain momentum. My writing hashtag would be #CloudndSunshineWrites and my reading hashtag would be #CloudandSunshineReads.

So, with that being said just like BlogchatterA2Z challenge I have decided to stick to a theme for myself to give a feel, connect and solidarity to my posts, something that my readers can look forward to reading throughout the month. And now, it’s time for the “Theme Reveal” and I can already sense the adrenaline gushing in me, that’s the kind of excitement all Blogchatter campaigns and challenges entail and is raved about. Excited much?

Theme Reveal for #MyFriendAlexa

The theme that I have chosen for the challenge is “My Cup of Motherhood”. Yes, that’s the theme I choose for #MyFreindAlexa. Not many of you know that I started working some three months back and it has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride not so much for Shaarav but definitely for me. It has not just been a physically and emotionally draining three months but at the same time, it has also been an accomplished and fulfilling three months too. With time to manage, life to juggle and duties to fulfill, motherhood has become a lot more complicated than it already was. So these 8 posts are going to be about my recent tryst with motherhood and parenting with my little man. So join me as #cloudandsunshinewrites about #MyCupOfMotherhood for the #MyFriendAlexa challenge. Exciting, right?

So are you up for some serious fun? Keep watching this space for the whole month of September as I share My Cup of Motherhood with you all. Feel free to join me and share your views on the same.

P.S. I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 659

BlogchatterA2Z Challenge – Reflection Post

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships2 Comments
BlogchatterA2Z Challenge – Reflection Post

Hello Readers!

April was a crazy month with BlogchatterA2Z Blogging Challenge. I successfully completed 26 posts in a single month and here’s my reflection post about the whole experience. It was hectic, it was tiring but at the same time, it was accomplishing and fulfilling. Many times during the journey I felt like giving up and quitting the challenge midway it was so daunting but I kept myself motivated and was determined to complete it.

It all started with the theme reveal. Since it was my first time and I had been waiting to take part in the challenge I was very both excited and nervous at the same time. I wanted my theme to be unique and suddenly it popped in my mind like a thinking bulb and nothing could have been better than this. So my theme to the challenge was Marriage Rededicated. Isn’t it unique and exciting? You can read all about it here.

The challenge was real. The struggle was real. But so was the learning and excitement. I got to discover and test my own limits, creativity and writing skills. I got to push my limits and discipline myself to write under pressure. I got to know and connect with so many amazing bloggers and read their brilliant pieces all in one place. And more than anything I could get consistent visits on my blog.

So, with this reflection post, I take the opportunity to thank the whole Blogchatter Team for this wonderfully awesome experience. I’m happy that I jumped on the boat not fully knowing what I had gotten myself into. I’m glad I could survive through the challenge and emerge victoriously. In this month I plan to read and engage in as many posts I can and I’m looking forward to participating in the challenge again the next year. You can find all my post from the challenge under #MarriageRededicated.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 284

“I promise to be ZEALOUS” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships1 Comment
Z is for ZEALOUS

“I promise to be ZEALOUS maintaining the same zest, enthusiasm and a sense of wonder, and never grow weary of each other.”

With this vow, we promise to always be willing to be investing the same amount of zeal, energy, and enthusiasm in our relationship with which we started out in the first place.

What does the vow mean?

Being zealous means showing active interest and enthusiasm in something. When you are being zealous it means you are ardently desirous of that thing to invest your time and wholeheartedly dive into it.

Why do we need to be ZEALOUS for a lasting and joyful marriage?

Being zealous is an attribute which though holds a very important place in a relationship it is the one that most relationship lacks. As we begin to get more comfortable in our relationship we tend to lose the fervour with which we once began the relationship. But it is up to us to maintain the same enthusiasm and ardour to keep the marriage thriving and happy.

So, when I say that “I promise to be zealous” it means that we are willing to go to any lengths keep the spark alive with the same passion, sense of wonder and eagerness with which we once started out.

Marriage requires us to be present for each other and actively interested. What’s a marriage when we’re not present for our spouse or seem disinterested in each other? Nobody wants a relationship that’s just for namesake. Marriage requires partners to be actively involved in each other’s biggest as well as the smallest joys and sorrows equally.

So, when I say that “I promise to be zealous” it also means that we are willing to keep the zing in the relationship alive and keep upping the oomph factor and continue to be desirous to each other.

With this, we come to an eventful month of blogging. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet Y here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 402

“I promise to be YIELDING” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, RelationshipsLeave a comment
Y is for YIELDING

“I promise to be YIELDING and willing to save the relationship instead of trying to win an argument.”

With this vow, we promise to always be willing to be submissive and allowing to be influenced by each other and give in to an argument rather than hurting the other in trying to win in a particular situation.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines yielding as tending to give in, surrender or agree. People look upon yielding as a weakness when in fact in marriage it is the most courageous and powerful attribute. When you are willing to yield it means you care enough for the person and not the situation. The person matters more than the situation and therefore we find it more convenient to lose when winning can mean losing the person and the relationship.

Why do we need to be YIELDING for a joyful and lasting marriage?

Yielding in disagreements in marriage can really be transforming if you aim for a happy and peaceful marriage. Whether you’ve had an arranged marriage or a love marriage willingness to be yielding is one of the most important attribute in marriage. And since we have had an arranged marriage and we are still in the process of knowing each other better to be yielding becomes all the more important.

Coming from different backgrounds and having different sets of beliefs, faiths, ideas and opinions are bound to attract disagreements and conflicts. And our marriage, too, isn’t conflict-proof. No matter how happy we are or how strong our marriage is disagreements is too commonplace in our marriage too. And we are not of the belief as “don’t go to sleep angry”. In fact, we are a more of “sleep-it-off” couple.

When we have a conflict we can either choose to allow it to build up and get heated up or we can choose to step back and approach at the situation with a fresh perspective. By being stubborn we only build walls around us allowing us to wound us more deeply and to grow resentment. So, someone has to be yielding and being yielding doesn’t raise questions about our equality or make us any less important and valued than the other.

So, when I say “I promise to be yielding” it means that in an event of an impasse between us we are willing to reinvigorate by stepping back and returning back to the situation with a fresh perspective rather than nurse our own inflicted woundedness.

A divorce is never an option for us. We had decided very early on that we’ll make this work whatever it takes. Why? Because, there hasn’t been a single case of divorce in our community and we definitely don’t want to be the first. That’s motivation enough for us and more than anything we are in the marriage for everything forever and we are very clear about that.

So, when I say “I promise to be yielding” it also means that rather than making our marriage a power struggle we are willing to resist our urge to “win” arguments and disagreements, and manage our conflicts in a way that we both walk out of it feeling heard, respected and valued. Because, sometimes we need to lose if we want to win.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet Z. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet X here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 376

“I promise XCITEMENT” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships2 Comments
X is for XCITEMENT

“I promise XCITEMENT and thrill in our relationship to add the spark and turn our ordinary lives into extraordinary.”

With this vow, we promise to always keep the spark ignited and strive towards never having a dull moment in the relationship.

What does the vow mean?

Xcitement is defined as the feeling of being lively and cheerful from joy. Xcitement is a feeling or situation full of activity, joy, exhilaration, or upheaval. If you are full of Xcitement, it means you are showing a heightened state of energy, enthusiasm, eagerness, etc.

Why should there be XCITEMENT for a happy and happening marriage?

A happy marriage is not something that you find, but it is something that you create and keep creating it. And Xcitement, indeed, is the essence of healthy and happening marriage which helps to never let those tingles fadeaway that was there during the newness of the relationship.

Between Mr. Husband and me, Mr. Husband is the tamed one while I am the wild one. So in our marriage, it is up to me to add the excitement. The secret to our marriage not falling into a rut despite its long-term is not because we do different things; it’s because we do the same things differently. And one reason for bringing Shaarav to our lives is definitely for the excitement. And now there’s never a dull moment in our lives (not that there ever was).

So, when I say “I promise Xcitement” it means we are willing to put efforts it needs to keep the relationship lively and delightful.

We keep painting and repainting our love with shades of our favourite colours to avoid boredom and keep it lively. We keep rediscovering in each other the person who made us fall madly in love, who drove us crazy in lust, who made us laugh out loud at some silly joke and who made annoyed the hell out of us.

So, when I say “I promise Xcitement” it also means that amongst all those infinite nitty-gritty and mundane moments of daily life we are willing to strive to achieve some extraordinarily stellar moments of novelty adding a sense of fulfilment and gratification.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet Y. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet W here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 347

“I promise to WITNESS” – #BlogchatterA2Z

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships2 Comments
W is for WITNESS

“I promise to WITNESS and care about everything that happens in your life and that your life wouldn’t go unnoticed.”

With this vow, we promise to always be witnesses to each other’s lives caring about the smallest things that happen in our lives including the good things and bad things alike.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines witness as to perceive or be contemporaneous with something or someone. The literal meaning of to witness means to notice and observe closely but in a relationship or in a marriage it means to care enough to be a source of both strength and solace to each other by way of acknowledging each other’s existence.

This vow is inspired by the movie “Shall We Dance” and if you have watched the movie you might actually know what I am talking about.

Why do we need to bear a WITNESS for a long-lasting and happy marriage?

Marriage is all about companionship and we all need a witness to our lives to notice us and make us feel cared for. We want someone to be a part of our life experiences, to share and have a life together and to see us live. And marriage is that institution where we become witnesses to each other through everything – the good and the bad, the big and the small, the happening and the mundane – everything. I mean who else apart from spouses would be interested in knowing the minutia of your daily life like what you had for lunch or how many hours you slept or why are you having a headache or when was the last movie you watched.

So, when I say “I promise to witness” it means we are willing to pledge each other to not let their lives go unnoticed because we’ll be each other’s witnesses. It means that we are willing to be present for each other through it all – the joy and the pain, the opportunities and the hard luck, and the surprises and the shocks. And not just because we will nevertheless be special and amazing to each other but also because we shall be at a loss to let our wonderful lives go unnoticed and un-witnessed.

Promising to witness is a way of showing that you’ll never be alone since you matter to me and so do your life and your experiences. It is a way of telling that I see you through your journey.

So, when I say “I promise to witness” it also means that we are not only willing to lovingly give our attention to each other and compassionately observe how our lives unfold through the fullness of our life experiences, but we are also giving each other the freedom to be known and acknowledged.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet X. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet V here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 298

“I promise to be VULNERABLE” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, RelationshipsLeave a comment
V is for VULNERABLE

“I promise to be VULNERABLE revealing my innermost to you and be my authentic self without the fear of being hurt or rejected.”

With this vow, we promise to always be true to ourselves and each other showing and sharing our true self without pretentions and fear of being judged or hurt.

What does the vow mean?

Vulnerability is defined as the ability to open up and be exposed to being hurt or rejected. But vulnerability is required to reach the true affection that a relationship and marriage requires.

Why do we need to be VULNERABLE for a happy and satisfying marriage?

Mr. Husband and I, both are very down-to-earth people and that’s one thing that drew us to each other and that’s the one thing that has kept us look and feel attracted to one another even after 6 and half years of marriage and a two-year-old toddler. Being vulnerable has helped us remain authentic to each other and voice our thoughts and opinions even if they are not popular. So, when I say “I promise to be vulnerable” I mean we are willing to allow knowing each other fully – our visions, our thoughts, secrets, weaknesses, apprehensions, etc. without the fear of being judged and criticized.

Being vulnerable can seem scary and terrifying because some may perceive it for being submissive or weak. But it’s actually not. But opposing to the popular belief, it actually entails the strength and courage to be yourself without being pretentious even if there’s a risk of being hurt. So, when I say “I promise to be vulnerable” it means we are willing to be courageous enough to show our authentic selves despite the risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet W. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet U here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 444

“I promise to be UNITED” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, RelationshipsLeave a comment
U is for UNITED

“I promise to be UNITED and work together as a team for a common goal and create a united front regardless of differences.”

With this vow, we promise to always keep a united front and work in unison towards a shared goal irrespective of our disagreements and divergence of opinions.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines united as something that is characterized by undivided or unbroken completeness and is joined into a single entity. Being united means that

Why do we need to be UNITED for sustaining a happy marriage?

When we enter in a marriage we are not only united by faiths and bodies but we are also united by souls and thoughts. In a marriage, one plus one always equals one. Mr. Husband and I got into the holy matrimony knowing this very well. And long before we knew it the “me” in our relationship had transcended into “us” and “we”.  And over the years we have not just been united in the flesh but we have also experienced oneness in feelings, emotions, thoughts, and purpose.

Unity has manifested itself in multiple instances throughout our marriage and has brought us even closer to each other through times where the return seemed impossible. When my mother passed away I was extremely shattered and though Mr. Husband had known her just for a few years, he shared the same grief and pain. Unity has made us grow.

So, when I say “I promise to be united” I mean we are willing to add that anchor and fuel in our relationship which steadies it and helps in its sustenance for a long haul.

People often enter into wedlock with a distorted view of being united. Being united doesn’t ask us to lose our uniqueness and identities or change our opinions about anything and everything. Being united means we must be on the same page about what really matters and have a united front on bigger things.

So, when I say “I promise to be united” also means that we are willing to be united for a shared purpose simultaneously maintaining our separate purposes and individual uniqueness and still experience maximum freedom within the boundaries of marriage.

Marriage is about sharing and utilizing each other’s gifts, minds, talents, and spirits for achieving the greatness which couldn’t be achieved alone along with maintaining our personal space. With this belief, we are getting stronger in our marital life each passing day.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet V. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet T here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 226

“I promise to be TRUSTING” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

On By Sweta KachhapIn Blogchatter Projects, Relationships1 Comment
T is for TRUSTING

“I promise to be TRUSTING and be trusted by being open and vulnerable and seek mutual dependability and reliance.”

With this vow, we promise to always be willing to not only be able to trust one another but also be working earning and maintaining each other’s trust.

What does the vow mean?

According to a dictionary, to be trusting is defined as full of trust or inclined to believe and confide readily. When we’re being trusting towards somebody it means that we have confidence in them and find them reliable.

Why do we need to be TRUSTING towards our spouse for a healthy and fulfilling relationship?

A healthy marriage requires both partners to trust and be trusted. And though it requires mutual commitment trust is something which takes time to build. You can only love someone if you trust them. Mutual trust is an extremely sought after virtue in a marriage and is the foundation of a fulfilling marriage.

Having an arranged marriage, the trust didn’t just come naturally to us. It took time to build and we had to work hard to not only to trust each other but also to be able to be trusted. So when I say “I promise to be trusting” it means we are willing to build our relationship together on mutual trust and choose to not only to trust each other but also to be trustworthy of each other.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet U. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet S here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Views: 230