Have you wondered what picture-perfect motherhood might be like for you? I imagine it to be like the one where I am utter patient with my child, where I refrain from shouting at him out of frustration because he spilled water again and I need to clean it up or I come back home tired wanting to lie down for some time only to find a whole pile of toys scattered all over the bed. Picture-Perfect motherhood for me would be where he listens to me once for a change and does exactly what he’s being asked to do. Sigh! Wouldn’t life be so much easier and so much beautiful if we had everything our way? But the reality is entirely different from what we want and how it is.
These past three months that I have been working I have been juggling my life. I wake up at 5 am in the morning and the first thing I do is put dirty laundry in the washing machine. Then I begin to cook and clean which I try to complete by 7 am because by that time it’s already time to wake Shaarav up and get him ready for school. I completely need to be with Shaarav until 8 am at which he leaves for school. During that one hour, I need to wake him up, make him brush his teeth, bathe him, massage and change and feed him and get him ready for school. Believe me, getting through this one hour daily is the toughest and the most draining hour of my entire day. It’s a real struggle with a toddler who wants to sleep a little more and doesn’t want to wake up, or takes an eternity to brush his teeth asking for more toothpaste repeatedly, or is reluctant to take a bath or refuses to come out of the tub or wants to wear jeans and redshirt when I picked black trousers and yellow T-shirt for him to wear, or when he wants to eat bread and jam when I prepared aaloo paranthas for him after confirming with him thrice. And mind you, these are just some of the unreasonable demands that I need to entertain and honour every day.
I try to maintain my calm and not lose my patience, but going through all this daily besides solo parenting when I have a schedule to maintain because I have to catch a 9.30 am bus to office if I don’t want to get late is insane. I feel I don’t get enough time for myself anymore because after returning from work when all I want is to lie down for some time and check my Emails, Facebook or WhatsApp my son comes running up to me with his favourite storybook asking me to put my phone away and tell him the same story a 100th time.
And I have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from scolding him and consciously take a few deep breaths to curb my rising frustration before I take the storybook from him with a smile, pick him up and place him on my lap kissing him on his cheeks and begin our storytelling session.
When I thoroughly believed that my life as a stay-at-home mom was tough I am realizing that my life as a working mom has become a whole lot tougher. I constantly have to deal with a guilty conscience for not being able to make enough time for my son anymore – for not being a perfect mother to my child. I constantly find myself torn apart by the conflicting feelings of wanting some time off for myself and then ending up feeling that I wasted the time which I could have given to my son. I feel like I could go crazy dealing with this every day.
But a growing realization that I had not so long ago is that in my pursuit of being an ideal mother I had stopped being a real one. But now I have understood that it’s not wrong to idealize motherhood, but the kind of mother that I have been idealizing isn’t the mother that lives the same life as me. Reality is that there’s no perfect motherhood and there’s no perfect, one-size-fits-all love. When I first met Mr. Husband, I remember having the feeling that I couldn’t love another human more until I met my son. I look at him and it feels he’s enough and more I could have ever asked for. My life derives its very meaning from his existence. And I might not be a perfect mother or I might not even don picture-perfect motherhood, but one thing I’m very sure of is that I can love my son perfectly despite my lack of perfection.
And for that I need to be kind – kind not just to my innocent child but kind to me as well, for I have been harsh on myself for way too long. I need to choose kindness over harsh judgement because if there’s one thing I ever want to do perfectly is to make my son feel free and safe by my love. And love can feel safe only when there’s acceptance – acceptance that the real motherhood is as beautiful as or even more beautiful than picture-perfect motherhood, and that I might never be a perfect mother but I can be the perfect me.
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Love,
Mrs. Sunshine
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You have said it all my dear, indeed motherhood is difficult, but we have a sweet fruit.
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Thank you Asfa. And this is what keeps us going. ?
Patience is the greatest virtue of motherhood, i think.
Yes indeed! But it is easier said than done. Thanks for stopping by!
Lovely post. Patience and love is the key to perfect motherhood. And don’t worry all of us are in the same boat. #MyFriendAlexa #ShubhraReads
Thank you Shubhra. It gives me a sense of relief knowing that I am not alone!
Acceptance is so much important. I am going through this phase too and that’s what I have to keep telling myself.
Yes. We need to accept our imperfect selves and continue to love our kids perfectly. Thanks for giving it a read!
I have seen many new mom’s life go for a toss once the child comes into picture. Some moms even get so engrossed with the child’s life that it is at times suffocating for the kid – all this for what? to be perfect!
They want to show the society how nicely they are managing their motherhood but it is crucial to ensure that they are not just doing it to seem perfect. I like how you mentioned that one should try to be the perfect version of themselves and not what the society says.
Thank you so much Pooja. Indeed one should be a perfect version of themselves and not compare since each one of us have a different story and a different path. Thanks for stopping by!
Motherhood years are trying and tough, even then many think these are the best years of their lives. Isn’t it so?
Absolutely true. And it’s about the attitude we carry and the choices that we take make the experience worthwhile! Thanks for taking time to read my post.
I totally second you. A parent needs to be really patient. The fact is that we all face it but honestly it’s all worth the effort.
Thank you Preetjyot! Mothers need all the love and support they can.
Being a parent to a 4yo, I can completely relate to each and every word said. The amount of patience we need to keep during that 1 hour early morning deserves a medal. Phew! Anyways, I feel that what’s important is the warmth and love that we give to the children despite being a tad bit tired ourselves.
Indeed! And I so wish my son remembers the things I did right more than the the things I did wrong. Thanks for taking time to read this.
That’s a heartfelt write up and yes who wants picture perfect ; each one of us is messy, chaotic, struggling but happy parents and that’s what counts
Struggles that motherhood entails is what truly makes worth it. Thanks for stopping by.
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Very honest take, real motherhood
Loved the pure honesty of this post… Yes, people tend to take motherhood for granted implying it comes naturally and all but it is actually one of the toughest jobs to do, especially when you have to juggle it with other commitments.
Wow, that’s so wonderful & lovely. Motherhood is the greatest among all responsibilities. Great write-up!
I haven’t experienced the beauty of motherhood but your posts provide me a good knowledge about the same.
Being a Mom as it is, is a big job on top of that look after house or work and house only adds to it, I salute the entire womanhood for giving more than we deserve at times. Beautiful post and journey of motherhood 🙂 Best always
I am always having such similar thoughts going in my mind every now and then. But as you said… the tension rises only when we compare ourselves with others or to a benchmark which we idealize. Consciously we have to break that and do our best.
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