“I promise to be PATIENT” – #BlogchatterA2Z

P is for PATIENT

“I promise to be PATIENT with you and work through our marriage with love and perseverance.”

With this vow, we promise to always be patient with one another and build our marriage with endurance and determination.

What does the vow mean?

Patience is defined as the quality of enduring trying circumstances with even temper or characterized by such endurance while perseverance is defined as steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

Why do we need to PATIENT for a long lasting marriage?

Both patience and perseverance are traits that are equally important ingredients for the recipe of a happy and long lasting marriage. While patience is required to discern what is needed to be tolerated and what is needed to changed, perseverance is required for being persistent and determined to be working towards achieving it.

Mr. Husband takes double the amount of time I take to get ready and while I am mostly very particular and punctual about things his is a more laid back attitude. So our habits are sometimes troublesome for each other but we have realized that these are habits that are deeply ingrained in our personality and cannot be changed. So, when it still bothers us knowing that neither of us likely to change, we try to be patient with each other.

So when I say “I promise to be patient” it means we are willing to be enduring and love each other even through our imperfections.

Marriage is a journey which changes its shape and course with time as we grow and change. And besides being patient with one another we need to be patient with our marriage itself while it grows and changes along with us. And this is where perseverance comes into play. When the change is happening it is easy to lose sight of what once we considered as beautiful and sacred. But we need perseverance to stick together and work through them despite the distractions and obstacles that may come our way.

So, “I promise to be patient” also mean we are willing to be determined and headstrong to do whatever our marriage demands to be healthy and strong and emerge victorious with a deepened appreciation of the marriage and of each other.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine


 

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“I promise to be OPEN-MINDED” – #BlogchatterA2Z

O is for Open-minded

“I promise to be OPEN-MINDED and learn to entertain new ideas and be accepting and embrace each other without prejudices.”

With this vow, we promise to always be willing to entertain new ideas and beliefs.

What does the vow mean?

Open-mindedness is defined as the willingness to consider new ideas, unprejudiced. It means to be aware and be willing to listen and take new points of view.

Why do we need to OPEN-MINDED for a satisfying relationship?

Being open-minded in a marriage is very vital for a healthy relationship. Mr. Husband and I come from different family backgrounds and have been raised with a particular set of beliefs and values. We both consider ourselves fairly open-minded but we both have some pretty strong opinions about certain things which we find it very difficult to deter from.  And we often come across instances when we really don’t quite come to terms about a particular decision on a certain issue. That’s a really difficult situation to be in and we definitely struggle through it, believe me. But with time we have realized that having an open mind helps us to look at the matter from a different perspective.

So, when I say that “I promise to be open-minded” I mean that I am willing to be accepting and willing to entertain and let new beliefs to come in,

Being open-minded helps us to free our minds from limiting ideas and thoughts opening our mind beyond the boundaries and to consider different alternatives. Having an open-minded approach in our marriage has enhanced our ability to love and be loved allowing us to be more accepting and to have a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

So “I promise to be open-minded” also means that we are willing to expand our knowledge to be able to consider different possibilities and solutions to a problem without passing judgment.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet P. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet N here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise to NURTURE” – #BlogchatterA2Z

N is for NURTURE

“I promise to NURTURE your dreams and ambitions, and celebrate our relationship through both failures and triumphs.”

With this vow, we promise to always cherish each other’s dreams, feed one another’s passions celebrate each other through the successes and failures.

What does the vow mean?

Nurture is defined as helping something grow and develop. So if we are nurturing something we want it to grow and flourish.

Why do we need to NURTURE for a gratifying relationship?

Everybody has their own dreams and ambitions which make their soul shine through them. And sometimes when we are getting into a relationship or in a marriage we are even impressed and attracted towards our partner’s dreams.

But in the hustle of life, we get so busy that we tend to forget what it was like to know your partner’s dream and see that twinkle in their eyes when they talk about it. It is very foolish of us to think that love or even marriage is self-sustaining when partners are so comfortable in love. Nothing is self-sustaining. It’s the biggest illusion one can have. Marriage needs to be fed and nurtured continuously through the ups and downs of life.

Every relationship, be it love or marriage, it needs nurturing. Nurturing, in fact, is a very important attribute in a married life which can bring about a big difference in the relationship. Nurturing is like a step towards knowing, understanding and honouring your partner’s dream and helping enough to work towards achieving them.

So, when I say that “I promise to nurture” I mean that we are willing to rekindle that lost spark of reaching for our dreams that tend to lose its lustre as we juggle our busy lives.

When we have spent so much time together we become so comfortable in love that we begin taking each other for granted. We forget to remember and cherish the beauty and worth of small things that usually go unnoticed and unappreciated. But it is through the act of nurturing that we can renew the lost charm and burnish our relationship again.

So, “I promise to nurture” also mean that we are willing to constantly renew our relationship by simple yet consistent acts of ingenuity and consideration and not let our marriage fall in the background. It means we choose to care enough about each other to create unique experiences for each other and not just feed individual dreams, but also have shared dreams and work towards them.

Mr. Husband has been this unwavering source of inspiration for my dreams. He’s like the wind beneath my wings; he not only motivates me to follow my dreams but also helps me in my journey of achieving them. We are growing our marriage into something very beautiful through the act of nurturing, are you?

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet O. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet M here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise to be MINDFUL” – #BlogchatterA2Z

M is for MINDFUL

“I promise to be MINDFUL and pay loving attention to you and the life we have built honouring one another with love and care.”

With this vow, we promise to always be aware and attentive to each other’s needs and treating each other with love, care, and mindfulness.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines mindfulness as the trait of staying aware and paying close attention to your responsibilities. But being mindful in a marriage is not just about the responsibilities. It is about how well we can be tuned to our partner’s feelings, emotions, needs, and thoughts to be able to be attentive and accepting towards them without being judgmental. Being mindful is about being there for your partner at that moment and letting your thoughts concurring with your feelings.

Why do we need to be MINDFUL towards our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?

Mindfulness is a really great marital virtue when it comes to having a healthy and growing marriage. When we are in our “honeymoon phase” we have these very strong emotions and feelings about each other that usually cloud our eyes and make us overlook the flaws which might have been an issue had we not been blinded by love-crazed hormones. But before we know it the honeymoon phase is over and it is then that the disagreements begin to surface.

Marriage is a long journey and there come many moments when we are bound to have disagreements and arguments which may get escalated and heated up pretty easily. It is in those moments when we need to be mindful the most because most of the time we can’t possibly take back what’s been said in a heated moment when we don’t even mean it actually. So, when I say “I promise to be mindful”, it means that we are willing to regulate our own responses and to completely accept each other.

Abusing, name-calling and violence is a strict “NO” in our marriage, not even by mistake. Because we both know that once it gets started it can only get so mean and filthy from there. So, “I promise to be mindful” also means we are willing to be mindful and aware of not just our ways and words, but also our feelings. It means cultivating a non-judgmental awareness of your partner’s feelings and thoughts and not labelling them “right” or “wrong”. Practicing mindfulness early in our marriage has helped us steer clear of any major conflicts and hurling abuses because, with the value of mindfulness, we refrain from judging each other and be completely accepting of one another.

Mindfulness requires us to invest extra time and energy into understanding and being aware of each other’s feelings and emotion. But the thing it has to offer in the long run is totally worth it. Over the years our relationship has evolved exponentially. We have come a long way through our fair share of peace as well as challenging times. But by being mindful of each other through successes and failures, ups and downs, shining moments of glory and despicable moments of shame, we have grown and transcended into this blissful marital bond that’s beautiful beyond words.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet N. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet L here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I PROMISE TO LAUGH” – #BlogchatterA2Z

L is for LAUGH

“I promise to LAUGH with you together in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow making the journey fun, exciting and worthwhile.”

With this vow, we promise to laugh together and cry together at things with one another and make it light and overcome the challenges together.

What does the vow mean?

Humour is defined as the quality of being funny and laughter is the act of showing or feeling pleasure or happiness. A sense of humour and the ability to make one laugh is one of the most sought after attributes in a partner. Why you ask? It’s because the kind of sense of humour a person has tells a lot about his personality and the kind of relationship we can expect from him. A good sense of humour is by far the most attractive and desirable quality in a spouse.

Why is it important to LAUGH for a happy and satisfying marriage?

When Mr. Husband came to see me for the first time the other quality I noticed in him which appealed to me the most apart from his decency was his sense of humour. While people look for different things in a partner for compatibility, I was looking for humour compatibility. And luckily I got it in Mr. Husband.

Isn’t it amazing to genuinely laugh at each other’s jokes and be goofy about it? In a marriage, it works wonders. Finding humour in our day to day lives has helped us cope with not just small challenges but also with the tragic. Laughing is such a mood elevator and stress buster. But it’s more so when you laugh together and share the same joy and sense of humour that the enjoyment is doubled. We have realized that when we find reasons to laugh together we feel more connected, relaxed and happy with each other.

So, when I say that “I promise to laugh” it means I am willing to integrate humour in our lives and choose to laugh at and with one another and at our circumstances.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet M. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet K here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise to be KIND” – #BlogchatterA2Z

K is for KIND

“I promise to be KIND and considerate of one another, be thoughtful of our feelings and needs and cultivate benevolence in our relationship.”

With this vow, we promise to always treat one another with kindness and be thoughtful and considerate to each other putting each other’s needs and feelings before our own.

What does the vow mean?

According to a dictionary, kindness is defined as the quality of being warm-hearted and considerate and humane and sympathetic. An act of kindness can be a simple thing, but it can be revolutionary in marriage since it is transformative. And though a simple thing we need strength and courage to show kindness.

Why do we need to be KIND towards one another for a healthy and happy marriage?

There’s no one thing that makes a marriage healthy and happy. But if I were to point out one major interpersonal skill that we require in a marriage to make it beautiful then it’s definitely going to kindness. Kindness is one attribute that’s a must in any marriage for it to be satisfying. Marriage is more about what you give than what you get. Being kind towards your partner harbours positive feelings in each other and propagates warmth and affection in the relationship.

Kindness doesn’t just mean being “nice” to each other. Our partners deserve every bit of our compassion and kindness considering the fact that we may not what they might be experiencing at work or at home. So the best we can do is being gentle towards them and offer kind and affectionate words. Kindness in words propagates confidence, but kindness in thinking and feeling propagates profoundness and love respectively.

So when I say “I promise to be kind” it also means that we are willing to be positive, affirming and compassionate about one another validating each other’s likes, feelings, and desires. Kindness also means being happy for your partner and being open about it.

Being kind doesn’t mean we are not allowed to have fights and arguments or have negative feelings. We don’t particularly have control over our feelings and reactions, but we sure do have control over our actions and how we choose to act upon our feelings. Being kind means you are willing to be considerate towards your partner and treat them with generosity. Also, an act of kindness is always remembered and acts as a buffer mitigating the feelings of hurt and anger and helping reestablish peace and harmony.

But we can never be kind to another person if we are not kind to ourselves. So, when I say “I promise to be kind” it also means that apart from being thoughtful of each other’s needs and desires, we are also willing to take good care of ourselves as well as treat ourselves with kindness and compassion. Being kind also means to treat them the way they want to be treated rather than the way we’d want to be treated.

A little kindness can go a long way and in marriage change the entire dynamics if we choose to add a little kindness to our everyday life. A smile when I offer coffee, a touch when I hand him lunch, appreciation on a nice shirt, a kiss when he leaves for office or greeting him with a smile when he’s back from office are some of the things I do on a daily basis as a way of showing affection towards Mr. Husband. I may not be able to control what he goes through the entire day, but I can certainly do my bit to help him get through the day. Our marriage is built with kindness and we have abundant kindness in our marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet L. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet J here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise JUSTNESS” – #BlogchatterA2Z

J is for JUSTNESS

“I promise JUSTNESS and equality in our relationship, to be fair and to honour you as an individual besides our relationship.”

With this vow, we promise to always treat each other with fairness and justness and find a balance between individual needs as well as the needs of the relationship.

What does the vow mean?

If we go by the dictionary meaning, justness and equality mean free from favouritism or self-interest or bias or deception; conforming with established standards or rules. Equality means partners in a marriage see and treat each other as equals, with respect, taking into account each other’s needs, and supporting one another towards the achievement of a shared goal.

Why do we need JUSTNESS for a gratifying marriage?

Justness plays a very important role in our marriage. Nothing is more vital and gratifying in a marriage than seeing the marital union as fair and just. Though I believe in gender roles, I am all about gender equality and equality as partners in the relationship. But in our marriage more than equality, it’s about justness – it’s about how fairly we treat each other.

Justness in marriage is about understanding and working towards the needs of your spouse as an individual apart from the needs of the relationship. It means that in all fairness of the relationship the individual needs should not be ignored or disregarded.

So, when I say “I promise justness” it means I am willing to recognize and respect Mr. Husband’s needs besides addressing the needs of our relationship. It’s about working a balance between my needs, my partner’s needs and the needs of the relationship.

In our household, Mr. Husband is providing for the family while I am a stay-at-home mom and look after the baby. So, for us, the justness is more about equality through teamwork rather than equality through division. In our marriage, we find it just to do work together rather than assigning separate work to each. Mr. Husband is a very involved parent and apart from nursing, he has been helping in each and every baby chore. He doesn’t feel shy to help me out with the dishes and laundry as well while he also has to work 8-hour shifts at his office. If it wasn’t for the fair approach that we decided on before marriage,  I could have been struggling with dissatisfaction and resentment. So, “I promise justness” also means sharing goals and working at it together as a team to achieve it.

With justness in a marriage comes understanding and trust– understanding that your spouse is possibly doing all he can and trusting that whatever he is doing is for mutual good. And by cultivating the marital virtue of justness we are working to achieve more than just equality, we are progressing towards a more gratifying marriage on the common grounds of justness with mutual reciprocity of our ability to lovingly cooperate and adjust.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet K. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet I here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise INTIMACY” – #BlogchatterA2Z

I is for INTIMACY

“I promise INTIMACY not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well reciprocating a sense of belongingness.”

With this vow, we promise to always reciprocate feelings of trust, emotional and physical closeness towards each other fostering a feeling of belonging together.

What does the vow mean?

A dictionary defines intimacy as closeness with a feeling of belonging together that is not particularly sexual but emotional and spiritual as well. Though intimacy can mean and involve sexual closeness too it is much more than just that. It means blending of hearts besides merging of bodies and being sexually intimate.

Why do we need INTIMACY for a satisfying marriage?

Intimacy in a marriage does majorly mean a sexual expression. If both the partners are able to express each other through sexual intimacy it does imply that they have attained a good level of intimacy in their relationship. But, marriage is meant to make two people one in all aspects, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. We generally talk of intimacy as being sexually intimate but it is not just about two bodies merging together, it has more to do with merging of two souls together. Intimacy allows us to “look into” each other’s soul fostering a feeling of belongingness.

So when I say “I promise intimacy” it means I am not just comfortable sharing that most special part of myself but it also means reaching that level of comfort in our relationship where I am emotionally close.

Intimacy in a marriage means letting your guards down and feeling vulnerable. Intimacy means that kind of closeness where you can express freely without reservations and feel accepted. So, “I promise intimacy” also means that I know you enough to see what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel. Intimacy means to know your spouse and be known in a manner that you may be able to complete each other’s sentences.

Intimacy is definitely a journey in itself which, undeniably, is a strong foundation to an everlasting and fulfilling marriage. In our marriage, we both are in our way of exploring our comfort level in our intimacy journey trying to build an everlasting relationship based on closeness, warmth, mutual trust, and reciprocity of intimacy.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet J. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet H here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise to be HOPEFUL” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

H is for HOPEFUL

“I promise to be HOPEFUL for us for today and tomorrow and to see light at the end of the tunnel when probably there isn’t any and believe in endless possibilities.”

With this vow, we promise to always expect and wish to see a silver lining in every dark cloud and overcome our fears to convert them into undying trust in each other and our marriage.

What does the vow mean?

Hope is defined as earnest anticipation that comes with believing something good. Hope is a confident belief and a peaceful assurance that every dark cloud has a silver lining. Being hopeful means you have faith that belief that makes you trust in things trying and challenging times. Being hopeful means you are being optimistic and willing to look beyond the obvious.

Why do we need to be HOPEFUL for a fulfilling marriage?

Every marriage is challenging and complex, and there’s no denying that. We have had our share of ups and downs when everything seemed like falling apart. There have been challenging and trying times in our marriage when it seemed like it is not going to work. But soon we realized that when we chose to self-reflect in our marriage we could even transform the painful experiences into growth.

When I say “I promise to be hopeful” it means that rather than focus on the hurt, pain, and disappointment I am willing to concentrate and emphasize positive memories.

Hope is such a simple word but with profound meaning and can be just the right thing in difficult times. Hope stems from the faith and though we cannot see it hope still is the substance of what we believe. We believe in us and so we are willing to practice commitment through the challenges.

Our hope in our marriage is formed out of the image and desire of the life we want for us and the belief that we can have it if we work towards it. Being hopeful gives me the power to see our relationship in a new light of reassurance and to believe that there’s a window of opportunity with endless possibilities.

When I say “I promise to be hopeful” I mean I am willing to find ways to stay in love and stay married when it becomes easier to call it quits. Hope alone can mean the difference between giving up on something and hanging in there. Without faith, there is no hope, and without hope, there is no true faith.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet I. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet G here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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“I promise to be GRATEFUL” – #BlogchatterA2Z

G is for GRATEFUL

“I promise to be GRATEFUL for you for your love to me and count my blessings every single day.”

With this vow, we promise to always remember to be thankful and show gratitude to each other for the gifting our marriage has bestowed us with.

What does the vow mean?

Gratitude is the feeling of being thankful, showing appreciation and willingness to return the kindness. Gratitude is a skill that you cultivate to show how thankful you are for the things you have and radiate an optimistic and positive feeling.

Why do we need to be GRATEFUL to for loving marriage?

Gratitude is not only an essential component in a marriage that keeps couples bonded but it is also a positive indicator indicating how much a couple finds their marriage satisfying and fulfilling. When we truly feel the gratefulness for our spouse we get to experience appreciation and heartfelt awe for them. And feeling grateful towards your spouse showing that you respect and value them, and treasure them for their uniqueness is definitely beautiful.

So, when I say “I promise to be grateful” it means I am willing to express earnest thanks, show humility and let go of my ego to be able to cultivate more joy and bliss in our lives.

Feeling grateful towards each other for everything we do for us is without a doubt the key to our sparkling and healthy relationship. It is the most significant habit that we follow in our marriage as it enhances and illuminates the positive qualities in us strengthening and protecting our marriage. Feeling grateful is about choosing to see the abundance than the scarcity and bringing back those cherished memories of precious time spent together. In our marriage, we make it a practice to go down the memory lane every now and then experience again those positive emotions and satisfying interactions. And when we are committed to seeing and appreciating life’s gifts together it helps us broaden our perspectives and be able to better achieve our personal goals.

Mr. Husband is the best hands-on dad that I know of. He helps me with my household chores even after he has had a hectic day at work. I’m definitely grateful to him for it and couldn’t say him enough ‘thank yous’. So when I show gratitude towards him he becomes more confident making me feel more gracious which makes me more appreciative towards him. It’s like a loop. And what we have come to realize is that when we practice showing gratefulness towards each other during good times we tend to get buffered from the withering effects of bad times. Expressing gratefulness to each other is probably the best thing we can cultivate to foster happiness in our marriage because it makes us feel valued and respected helping us maintain an intimate bond.

So, when I say “I promise to be grateful” I mean that we are willing to further deepen our beautiful closeness by cultivating the feeling of gratitude in our marriage by the mutuality of giving and receiving.

Over the years, I have understood the essence of counting blessings and I mentally count my blessings each day to feel more positive, be connected to each other and achieve maximum satisfaction from our marriage.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet H. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet F here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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