“I promise to FORGIVE and seek forgiveness and to always reach for you over my pride to hold and to heal you when you are hurt.”

With this vow, we promise to always reach out to each other over our pride and seek forgiveness if we have hurt, and grant forgiveness if we’ve been hurt allowing to heal and grow together.

What does the vow mean?

Forgiveness is a process that allows you to feel liberated by making you release anger and pain and allowing you to feel stronger and less vulnerable. Forgiveness is the very first step in any relationship that helps in moving forward and helps in healing and restoring as well as earning trust. Forgiveness is not only a gift of freedom that we choose to give ourselves but is also giving each other a healthy relationship unhampered by anger, hurt or resentment.

Why do we need to FORGIVE and seek forgiveness for a satisfying and fulfilling marriage?

Humans are prideful and egoistic beings. As humans, we are bound to make mistakes because to err is only human. Some mistakes we commit intentionally while some are totally unintended. And we are bound to hurt or be hurt. And in our marriage, we don’t even promise that we’ll never hurt each other because sometimes even the best intentions fall short.

I’ll tell you about the incident. It was Mr. Husband’s first birthday after marriage and we were living in different cities at the time. So I planned to surprise him by paying him a visit on his birthday. But when I reached there he did something which made me really disappointed in him. I was about to leave and return back feeling betrayed and hurt.

But what he did after was really unexpected. He literally begged me not to leave kneeling before me. He was really sorry and ashamed for what he had done and he started to cry asking for forgiveness. If you have ever seen your man cry for any reason you must know how it feels. And all I could do was hold him close and comfort him. We had both started to weep. His was because of the shame and fright that I might leave and mine was not because I was hurt but because I had never seen him broken like this before. He has always been a man of calm and composure. We stayed holding each other for very long – he weeping and asking for forgiveness and me comforting him. This moment has been forever etched in our memories. It was beyond magical. He sought forgiveness because he wanted this relationship more than anything and I granted him forgiveness to show my faith in him and our marriage. It is this kind of magical experience that makes forgiveness not only vital but also necessary in our marriage.

And we both felt that forgiveness was such a liberating act. I did feel extremely hurt for his actions but had I been festering my wounds holding on to the hurt it would have resulted in bitterness and ultimately, hatred. Rather I chose to let it go allowing both of us to heal and grow. Forgiveness is not the easiest of acts but the most liberating of all.

So when I say, “I promise to forgive” I mean I am willing to learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness to show faith in our marriage and keep it healthy allowing both of us to heal and grow and retain harmony.

Marriage needs forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting it or you can’t be hurt again. Forgiveness means that you are showing faith in the relationship to let things go and move forward with life. So when I say “I promise to forgive” it also means that we care enough for our relationship to give each other another chance by willing to get rid of the hurt, disappointment, and shame, breaking the cycle of bitterness and resentment and providing opportunities to move forward. Practicing forgiveness in our marriage allows us to bring peace of mind and satisfaction making us feel more connected.

We both have “fumbled” plenty of times in our marriage and it is natural and commonplace because not all days are rainbows and sunshine. We have plenty of misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts but we practice grace in our marriage and have learned to forgive allowing ourselves to keep bitterness away, mature in our faith and grow together. To grant forgiveness takes strength and so does accepting your fault and seeking forgiveness but it truly takes two forgivers for a happy marriage. And we are on that path already.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet G. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet E here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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