This quote by one of the most prominent American poets Robert Frost is probably one of my favourites.
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on. – Robert Frost
What does this quote mean to me?
This quote has come to be the perfect succinct of my life. It holds so much meaning in my context that it has become a favourite and a constant source of motivation. To me, it means rising from the pain and the suffering, and treasuring the most precious gift called “life” and preparing to unravel the miracles and mysteries it has to offer. Isn’t it what life means – even in the wake of struggle and despair, the ability to “go on”?
What did this quote give me?
Loss of a dear one can be shattering. My mother left us for the heavenly abode when I was about 4 months pregnant. I lost a life when I was nurturing another life within me. I was broken and devastated. So many dreams and wishes had crumbled and lives had come to a still, refusing to move forward. But as I continued to dwell on the sadness of the parting life, it gave way to a new life lifting me of my perpetual sadness.
This quote gave me hope – hope to laugh, hope to be happy, hope to love and hope to live. In spite of the massive loss that I suffered, life is still continuing to move forward. I know it will never be the same again. But there’s hope that I will rise from the pain. This quote taught me that it is easier to dwell on the past than to move forward, but life isn’t going to pause or start over. It’s a fact. Bad things happen, but either we can choose to be immobilized by the gravity of our loss by dwelling on it, or choose to honour it and move forward. And to let go of the past burdens and knowing and believing that life goes on definitely gives me strength and courage to make the best out of the worst.
What did I learn from this quote?
When I felt the flutter of the innocent life growing within me, it suddenly brought a smile on my face and I loved my life for this blessing. I was alive again. This is when I realized that life goes on. Despite the fact that my eyes were blinded by tears of despair and my heart hurt, there are going to be myriad opportunities for loving, laughing and enjoying life. However hard it might be to believe at the moment, but nothing can change the fact that life must go on and it is truly possible that the best is yet to come. And so long as her memory lives in my heart, I will say that life is good.
My humble thanks to sweet Jena Pendarvis for having me be a part of this fun Quote Challenge where we get to discover and know new bloggers. This opportunity is simply amazing. Dear readers, please check out her blog for some good stories. And read my quote for Day 1 here.
Rules of the Quote Challenge
1) Thank the person who nominated you
2) Write three consecutive quotes for three days (one quote per day)
3) Nominate three new bloggers each day for the challenge
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde
This is a very famous quote by the very famous Irish author and poet Oscar Wilde. Over the years, the quote has inspired many souls and I also couldn’t remain untouched by its deeper meaning.
What does the quote mean to me?
To me, it means identifying and expressing my individuality and uniqueness. It means believing in my originality and authenticity. Rather than trying to fit in and becoming a blind follower of the herd, it means representing my own style, opinion and character. Because knowing and believing in myself gave me freedom and courage and a true perception of who I really am.
There was a point in my life when I had lost all sense of self-worth and didn’t value myself. I constantly sought acceptance and approval of somebody for the most trivial things. I was at my lowest best and I had begun to harbour negative emotions, not for anybody else but for myself.
What did the quote give me?
When I started introspecting I became very vulnerable to my own thoughts and feelings. The guards which I had been putting up for so long were suddenly brought down. This quote made me confront with my own unknown and unfathomed emotions enlightening those uncharted regions of my heart. And I had to face my own deepest fears and apprehensions. But, when I came to acknowledge those unsounded emotions, I felt the power to transform those fears into something more positive and more creative. It helped me to contemplate and express myself without any reservation leaving me feeling empowered.
It gave me a world of freedom – freedom of thoughts, freedom of expression and freedom of personality. It gave me a sense of liberation from hypocrisy. It gave me my individuality – letting me make mistakes, letting me learn from them and giving me the gift of experience. It let me believe in myself and my dreams – to be myself. this quote inspired me to stand for the values and beliefs that I hold true. But it also helped me discover the real me. The “me” that was lost somewhere. It allowed me to celebrate myself appreciating and honouring “me” for my gifts and talents along with all my flaws and shortcomings. It made me more aware and confident and helped me grow as a person. It did need a lot of efforts and it was daunting and confusing at the same time, but figuring out my truest essence has made my life more meaningful, enlightening and fulfilling.
What did I learn from the quote?
And it was then I came to realize, there are all these ideals about what is perfect and what is beautiful and what is smart, but the most appealing thing is, that which is “me” is nobody else. I am “special” indeed in my own way and I am going to live that way. And this blog, my friends, is the result of discovering my true self, where I truly embody my truest essence, setting myself free, feeling liberated and spreading the word. Don’t forget to follow the other two quotes.
I would like to thank the very kind and humble Jena Pendarvis for introducing me to and nominating for The Quote Challenge. It is really fun being a part of this challenge where we get to discover new bloggers. Thank you, love, for this amazing opportunity. Please pay a visit to her blog to check out her stories.
Rules of the Quote Challenge
1) Thank the person who nominated you
2) Write three consecutive quotes for three days (one quote per day)
3) Nominate three new bloggers each day for the challenge
Planning for a baby and getting ready for pregnancy is perhaps the biggest life-changing step you are ever going to make. If you have a baby on the mind, then it probably means you are at the stage in your marriage and life where you are ready to take the plunge. You are thinking about starting a family soon, then it probably also means that you are mentally prepared to take your life and relationship to a whole new level. But now that you are mentally prepared is your body really prepared to take the big step? Let me tell you this while the decision of having a baby can be frightening overwhelming, having the right information can save you from a bumpy ride and make the journey rather smooth.
Creating and growing a life inside you takes a great deal of responsibility on the mother’s part. A mother needs to provide the unborn baby with a healthy environment required for its healthy growth and development. So let me share with you how I prepared myself and embarked on this beautiful journey.
Getting ready for a baby!
The 3 key steps in planning for a pregnancy involve:
1) Preparing your mind for pregnancy
As I already said, being ready mentally marks the first and the biggest step towards starting a family. Having a child, without a doubt, is a lifetime commitment and calls for responsibility on the part of both the partners. So it’s time you thought it through. If either of the partners is unsure or having second thoughts about it, it’s important to reconsider your decision. Having a baby should be a mutual decision involving the consent of both the partners and both should be equally committed to being parents. Therefore, it is very important to have an honest discussion and be open about each other’s thoughts on having a child. Neither should you force or get pressurized yourself or even resort to emotional blackmailing and stuff. If both partners aren’t unanimous over the decision, it is best to hold it off for some time.
2) Preparing yourself financially
Starting a family also calls for considering your money matters. Prenatal checkups, prenatal vitamins, medicines, tests, procedures and other medical bills can account for a major part of your salary. So it is best to be prepared for it beforehand so as not to put an unnecessary delay on anything. Opting for a good health insurance (if not already) is always a good bet to cover your prenatal expenses and lift some of the financial load off your shoulders.
3) Preparing your body for pregnancy
So now that you are mentally and financially ready, it’s time to take the next big step which is getting your body ready for the life that you are going to grow inside you. Here’s how you can do that:
(a) Scheduling a pre-conception visit
Visiting a good gynaecologist from the very beginning is a good idea to start a healthy pregnancy. A pre-conception check-up involves reviewing your personal and family medical history by your doctor. The practitioner will take a detailed account of your personal health, any kind of medication you’re taking which may be unsafe for the pregnancy and also about any unhealthy habit you have, such as smoking, drinking, etc. She would discuss with you about the tests and immunization which need to be done and also recommend you prenatal vitamins. Choosing a good and trusting doctor plays a key role in planning for a baby because only a good and experienced doctor can make you at ease and guide you properly through your journey.
(b) Starting on prenatal vitamins
Ideally, it’s said that starting on a folic acid supplement of 400 micrograms (mcg) a day, 6 months before you plan on conceiving is very crucial to carry a healthy pregnancy. But if not started earlier, at least 1 month prior to conceiving is a must. This not only prepares your body for conception but also prevents your baby from having certain birth defects, including a neural-tube defect like spina bifida to a great extent.
(c) Following a healthy lifestyle
Since you are trying to conceive and nurture a life inside you it is utmost important that you maintain a healthy lifestyle. It’s time you stopped your unhealthy habits such as smoking or drinking, cut short your caffeine intake, and check binging on junk food. Instead, it would be great if you started making healthy and nutritious food choices very early in your journey so that your body gets packed with the necessary nutrients you need to sustain a healthy pregnancy. Try to incorporate a balanced amount of whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and milk and milk products in your diet. If you are a non-vegetarian intake of eggs, poultry, meat and fish are also a great choice. But it should be borne in mind that milk, meat and fish should come from a pasteurized source, disease-free animals and non-contaminated water respectively. You should also give doing yoga and/or moderate exercise a thought for a well-rounded fitness and a healthy body. You should also avoid working in a hazardous and unhygienic environment to avoid infections.
(d) Trying actively and tracking your cycles
If you are on birth control pills it’s time to stop those and bid adieu to any other kind of contraception you might have been using, and actively try (meaning every other day). Women on pills may take a month or two before they start ovulating again. Although some would prefer a more calculated approach of keeping a track of the ovulation dates and fertile window, I suggest it’s best to actively involve every other day if your cycles are sporadic just like mine. While keeping a record of your cycles is equally important to get a clear picture of your fertility days, doing it every other day increases your chances of conceiving. But it does not mean you have to mechanically do it. It should involve love and passion and you should enjoy it. It isn’t called “lovemaking” for no reason.
(e) Aiming for a healthy weight
Women with a higher or lower body mass index (BMI) may find it a little difficult to conceive. Starting off with a healthy weight right from the beginning not only helps you in conceiving more easily, but it also helps you to avoid weight-related complications in pregnancy and prevent you from delivering a premature or an underweight baby. Women with higher weight are also associated with risks of high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, etc. So weight goals should be kept at aim right from the start.
(f) Keeping updated on immunization and vaccinations
It would be a plus point if you are updated on your immunization of flu shots, chicken pox, rubella (German measles) etc. It would help to avoid any complications during pregnancy which might lead to miscarriage, birth defects or stillbirth.
So these are some of my experiences and learning which I am happy to share in the hope to guide you and prove helpful in your journey towards a happy and healthy pregnancy. Making a right start at the right time can help you get the right results. But make sure to follow and maintain the same healthy lifestyle during as well as post-pregnancy. This is the second post of my pregnancy series. Don’t forget to read my previous post on Discovering being pregnant with those “two pink lines”.
Those “Two Pink Lines” – Discovering I was pregnant!
It was 24th March of the year 2016. It was Holi – the Indian festival of colours and this time I was to celebrate the festival with Mr. Husband after 2 years. But I wasn’t sure if I was keen for the celebrations because, since past few days I had not quite been feeling normal with fuller achy breasts, bloated tummy and the urge to urinate frequently. These are the typical pregnancy symptoms, right? But these symptoms had long ceased to interest me over the years of countless failed attempts to get pregnant.
Very early in the morning, when Mr. Husband was still sound asleep, I sat up and mechanically taking a home pregnancy test from the drawer I sneaked my way into the toilet. I very distinctly remember that historic day. It was very early in the morning, the sun hadn’t risen yet. There was just the pink sky before the sunrise and the morning birds had only begun to chirp. For the years that I had been trying, I had watched the urine reach the other end without batting an eyelid, waiting eagerly for the result – each time more hopeful and excited than the previous. But this time, as I sat on the toilet pan, unmindful of the process, the last 4 years of struggle, hope and faith started to unfold and flash before my eyes.
For the past 4 years, it had become a routine that whenever we were together and I missed my periods, even for 2 days, I would religiously take a home pregnancy test in the hope that this time it comes positive. I would keep looking at the test with my eyes wide open until the test completed only to see the white evaporation line each time, and that solid pink control line mocking me. But unfortunately in our 4 years of marriage, and amidst I don’t know how many pregnancy tests (I had lost count of), I hadn’t had one single test positive. It wasn’t that we were trying throughout, but we weren’t “not trying” either. Initially, my mother would just give hidden cues, but now even she had started to talk about it openly and directly. It had been so long now that not only people, but even I had begun to question my fertility and almost convinced that something was definitely wrong with me. Many a time even the thought of adopting a child had crossed my mind.
I had watched close friends who married after we did become parents. Some of them became parents even before they celebrated their first marriage anniversary. Nobody had ever pressurized me about the matter, not even my in-laws. Mr. Husband had also been understanding and supportive throughout, but his silence spoke volumes about his desire and disappointment. It had all begun to grow on me and I was becoming desperate. So much so, that I spent most of my time endlessly reading pregnancy related articles on the internet, obsessively tracking my cycles keeping tabs of my fertile window and active days, and absently wishing to be pregnant. And the pressure inside me kept building.
Being a Virgo I have a habit of planning everything beforehand, and even before I got married, I already had a list of names of babies with me. I had even thought about the innovative ways I would break the news with family, friends and Mr. Husband, of course – a different way for each one. I had planned it all. Now all I needed was to be pregnant, and that was the one thing that wasn’t happening for us. Pregnancy still remained a lost dream.
My periods have always been irregular so tracking didn’t help much; but still, I kept on tracking it to maintain my sanity intact and in the hope that I might be lucky to get one cycle right. So, though I was more than a week late and was feeling a bit off I did not suspect a thing. And looking at my past record of several negatives how could I? It had now become more of a routine.
Suddenly, with a thud sound, I was brought back to the present. As I came to my senses I realized it was the newspaper boy throwing the newspaper roll in the balcony. Without much interest, I carelessly looked back at the test that lay there at my foot waiting to be read. And as I looked at the test my eyes started to widen in amazement and I could feel my nervous heartbeats thumping hard against my chest. I rubbed my eyes to get a clearer look at it as I stood there with trembling hands and legs, gaping at the pale faint pink line, shimmering and dancing beside the dark pink of the control in front of my eyes. For an instant I was numb. I don’t know how long I stood there staring at it in surprise or shock (I still don’t recall). I was totally bewildered at the unexpected and unbelievable result. The sight of those “two pink lines” which seemed to smile at me exhilarated me to the core. I felt so alive on the spur of the moment that it couldn’t be described in words.
I was so thrilled that I remember even pinching myself to be sure if it was for real or I was having a dream. I wouldn’t have been shocked if it were a dream because getting pregnant had become so consuming that it had begun to haunt me. But not this time. I was so used to seeing the white nothingness of an evaporated line that those “two pink lines” amused me immeasurably. My happiness knew no bounds and it was getting difficult for me to control my emotions. After all those sleepless nights of wetting the pillow with silent tears and I don’t know after how many earnest prayers God had finally decided to shower us with His blessings.
I quickly gathered myself, washed my hands and joyously went to wake Mr. Husband up who was blissfully asleep, snoring away, still unaware of how our lives were going to change course. I had always imagined for this moment, devising several ways to surprise Mr. Husband with the “good news” and all I could do was wake him up to show him those “two pink lines” and say “Hey!You’re going to become a Dad!” (How cliché! I know). But in that glorious moment words did not matter, only feelings did. And it was overwhelmingly emotional. We hugged and rejoiced. Our lives were going to change forever, we knew it, only yet to discover it how.
And all of a sudden I was eager to celebrate Holi – the festival of colours because we got our “bundle of joy” as Holi gift. And as colourful this beautiful festival of colours is, we knew instantly that in a similar manner he is going to colour our lives with his amazing baby colours and give our lives a new meaning. And since that instant, our life canvas has been getting painted with the prettiest colours there could ever be.
This piece of writing marks the beginning and is the first in the series of pregnancy-related posts where I am going to share my pregnancy journey. Keep watching the space for more updates and interesting pieces.
Finally, we were able to organize the Mundan or Head tonsuring ceremony for Shaarav at 16 months. I am not a blind supporter of customs and rituals and have an open eye to superstitious beliefs; I believe when traditions do no harm to us there’s no need to oppose them uselessly. In our culture, Mundan or Head tonsuring ceremony of a child has been considered an auspicious ceremony apart from Chhatthi, Annaprashan, and Marriage irrespective of a girl or boy child.
Mommy and Daddy are busy distracting him!
We had a very fun and enjoyable Mundan ceremony as Shaarav took the ceremony very gaily and did not cry one bit during the procedure. But it did take a lot of distractions and cajoling. Shaarav was the one to enjoy the most. He met new people, interacted with them and even played with them. Shaarav with his friendly and inviting nature was a delight to watch and the centre of attraction for all guests. He kept the guests entertained with his baby antics and kept the ambience very light and fun. All the guests had a good time, enjoyed a good meal and showered Shaarav with happy blessings. So all together, the ceremony was a success.
All about Mundan Ceremony You Need To Know
“Mundan ceremony” or “Mundan Sanskaar” is a popular Indian tradition where a child’s hair is shaved off completely. Some strongly believe that shaving the child’s head and offering it to the Gods get rid of the evil presence surrounding him and purifies the soul and body, removing any past karma or negativity and blesses the child with good health, long life and prosperity. Well, though I find it amusing and I do not believe in it.
Shaarav with his Mommy & Daddy after his Mundan!
The ceremony is usually performed during the first or the third year of a child’s life (basically the odd years). But we did Shaarav’s at 16 months because the basic ritual was performed when he was just a few days old (during his Chhatthi ceremony) and this was just a formality.
Still, for performing the Mundan ceremony, an auspicious day and time “Mundan Muhoorat” was decided upon. I emphasized that day to be on a Sunday so that all the guests could grace the occasion without much hassle. The priest was called upon (in our case it is called a “Paahan”) to perform all the necessary rites and rituals. We preferred to celebrate it at home so that Shaarav could be comfortable and take his timely nap without a fuss.
Daddy dearest getting Shaarav ready for his big day!
On the day of the ceremony, Shaarav was bathed and made to wear new clothes. At the scheduled time Shaarav was then made to sit on his Naanu’s lap (Shaarav’s maternal grandfather) which he obliged happily. The barber began shaving off his head slowly, part by part and Shaarav’s Bua (Shaarav’s aunt and Mr. Husband’s sister) collected his hair. The collected hair is supposed to be disposed of in the holy waters, but I plan to save a small piece of his locks for his record book (grinning!).
Shaarav getting his head shaved without any fuss
Even with the utmost care, Shaarav sustained some minor nicks and cuts from the shaving for which a paste of curd, turmeric, and sandalwood was generously applied to his head for soothing and healing. Sandalwood is known for its cooling properties, while turmeric is antiseptic, thus helps in the healing of any cuts and bruises.
The reasons why I decided for Shaarav’s Mundan
Apart from the cultural and religious custom, I decided to go for the Mundan ceremony for other reasons which are as follows:
1) The summer is approaching and just like his Dad Shaarav too sweats a lot. His head is especially hotter compared to the rest of his body. So I found this to be an opportune time to get his head shaved since it helps in keeping the child’s body and head cool during hot seasons like summer.
2) Shaarav was born almost bald at the front while he had some hair at the back of his head. And to our surprise, his hair was brown in colour when nobody in our family has it. Though there is no scientific evidence to prove it, but with my own personal experience, I believe that the hair after shaving grows back fuller and healthier.
He looked so cute!
My tips for a safe and smooth Mundan
Our ceremony went very smooth and we sailed through it without any hurdle. But it did need a bit of caution, planning ahead and preparation. Here are some tips which can help you sail through it safely and smoothly just like we did:
1) Prefer the location of the ceremony to be your home so that the baby is acquainted with the place and is at ease.
2) The baby should be well-fed and rested before the beginning of the ceremony.
3) Baby should be surrounded by known faces so that he does not become fidgety and jittery and remains calm and comforted to avoid any serious cuts.
4) Keep toys or pacifiers ready and handy for distracting and engaging the baby.
5) The shaving equipment should be new, clean and sterilized to avoid infections.
6) Keep warm water for wiping baby’s head.
7) Keep a paste of curd, turmeric, and sandalwood ready for applying to the head after shaving for soothing and healing.
Mundan ceremony holds a sacred and significant place in a child’s life in our culture. Though I chose to perform it for other reasons apart from religious and cultural, I made sure the ceremony went well without hurting anybody’s sentiments including mine. And who doesn’t like a fun family get-together? Shaarav’s Mundan ceremony has proved to be just another excuse to meet relatives and friends and enjoy a fun-filled day.
Motherhood Bliss – The myth of the bliss or the bliss in the myth
In one of earlier posts, I wrote how my motherhood has been bliss – “If this isn’t bliss, then I’m not sure what is!”. Oh, it sure is. But I forgot to ask you to read between the lines. Since time immemorial, motherhood has been made out to be this state of eternal bliss of some kind, which obviously it is not. It’s time truth be told and myths be busted. Is motherhood bliss a truth or a big lie? Let’s find out.
There will be days when your world will be full of love and laughter, while on some days you might even regret having decided to have a child. Motherhood does come in seasons after all. Some seasons will be full of festivities and celebrations while others might be passing by in hope and wait for the festival. Life can seem pretty difficult when it feels to be tangled in knots that can’t be undone.
Motherhood bliss – The Dream
Sometimes I even find myself wondering and questioning if motherhood bliss is even real. Before being a mother, I had read and heard people talk endlessly about it in plenty, and that was one of the reasons why I was eager to become a mother, rather I was desperate to become one. I mean, who doesn’t go gaga over those chubby cheeks, want to coo over those rosy lips and tiny fingers or snuggle and cuddle those cute little bundles of softness. Well, I wanted to, to have my own to hold and love. Not wanting and having children is still not a thought Indian women are familiar with and is considered distinctly odd even for the Western women. But, hold your thought right there, I certainly do not need a child to fulfil my womanhood. I am complete the way I am. Read my take on feminism here.
Motherhood bliss – The Reality
I delivered this miraculous baby love for whom had been building the instant I knew I was carrying him. And I can’t emphasize how much I love him. But, it was after the initial cooing and giggles subsided that my eyes opened to this less talked about side of motherhood – the downside – the physical draining, sleep deprivation, whacky-frenzy hormones, postpartum blues, anxiety, sadness, irritability and crying incessantly for no apparent reason.
But I could not find a single person who could soothe my worried soul and put rest to that dull lingering feeling of sadness that ran on the back of my mind. Nobody talks about these. Even my friends pretended motherhood to be fabulous. But, I don’t know of one new mother who sleeps peacefully even for a couple of hours, let alone for long hours. It’s been 16 months I haven’t been able to sleep for a stretch of 4 hours straight. Sleep is probably the first sacrifice that a mother needs to do for her baby. Talking about hormones, my feminine hormones have been pretty much whacky since the time I entered into womanhood, then the pregnancy hormones wreaked havoc and again postpartum mood swings were the final blow. And who had to take the brunt of it all – poor Mr. Husband (Read my letter of gratitude to him here). I am not going to lie, there have been days when breastfeeding hurt and left me whimpering in agony and feeling terrible. Those days I kept reminding myself of the beautiful pictures and the wonderful feelings of motherhood that I had read about and imagined during my entire pregnancy. It’s tough not being starry-eyed with all the picture-perfect images you see on Instagram and Facebook, but, I have come to realize how impossible it is to visualize and imagine what motherhood is actually like until you delve into it.
Motherhood bliss – The road less travelled
Shaarav is a happy toddler, I absolutely adore him and never in my entire journey of motherhood have I ever wished I hadn’t had him. But when he was little, I did use to wish, that I got some off days and didn’t have to look after him all the time. Sometimes, I do it even today when all of it seems a lot to contain, even if it is just a fleeting thought, to stop everything for a bit. I like to be open about my experiences since I feel it not only helps me vent out my feelings but at the same time might even be helpful to plenty of other moms-to-be and new moms who are struggling and overwhelmed with their newfound responsibility. How I wish I could get the road of motherhood all mapped by the mothers who happened to forage the road ahead of me.
Motherhood bliss – The Acceptance
I so wish there were an apprenticeship for motherhood because at times the tending gets converted into toiling which becomes torture and leaves you frustrated. The sleepless nights of the demanding baby, day after day, was driving me berserk. And if I am being completely honest, some days were hell. My thoughts and feelings came as a shock to me as well and it made my heart swell with a sense of guilt for having a thought like that, even if it was momentarily. But I prefer to be rather open and talk about it than being demure.
Motherhood bliss – The myth of the bliss or the bliss in the myth
I do not deny the fact that I am in total awe and utter love of the magic that has been transforming my life into something that I could never have imagined was even possible. And here I am spending my days just staring at my baby sleeping peacefully; blissfully unaware of the turmoil my life has turned into. I love my son to bits and not in my dreams do I want to miss out on the tiniest minuscule moment of watching him grow, but, it would be wrong if I say I am lustily obsessed with him. Somewhere in the deepest corners of my heart, I do feel the slightest glimmer of sadness emerging from time to time for how my life has taken a drastic turn- how the things that were my top priorities once do not even make it to the list now. My bookshelves which consisted of romantic novels are filled these days with books of Eric Carle and Peppa Pig. Do you see what I am trying to get at? Some would argue that I could still keep those books, oh yes I can, but where do I find time to indulge in the luxury of reading my own books when my booklover son wants me to read the book where “the very hungry caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly” a hundredth time? So what if it has begun to get boring? Those looks of spark and twinkle in my kid’s eyes make me read to him once again. It makes me wonder where I lost the old me and sometimes even question if it even existed.
Motherhood bliss – The Challenge
Privacy has become the thing of the past. I consider myself lucky if I get my 2 minutes in the loo without my toddler peeping from below, banging the door, sticking out his leg inside the door or inserting whatever toy he finds from below. Forget about enjoying those long leisurely baths I once used to do. Most of the time I am busy planning and plotting for finding or devising ways to sneak in and out of the loo without getting noticed by my all-the-time-alert toddler. But all in vain (sigh)! I have become so busy that I don’t even find time to grieve for the things that once used to give meaning and definition to my being. They now exist just in memories. But yes, this lurking sadness is definitely undeniable and pops its head every once in a while. Many choose not to talk about it, but I, on the other hand, choose to acknowledge it and be vocal about it.
Motherhood bliss – The Realization
Here, I am not questioning “motherhood bliss”, but, as a matter of fact, I am trying to portray its true meaning and what it actually encompasses. I am not afraid of admitting my fear and apprehensions thinking they make me any less of a mother. I am ready to embrace the true motherhood bliss with all its seasons, including the tending and the toiling, and to delve deeper into the motherhood bliss unwrapping the cornucopia of things it has to offer. I have come to understand that it is okay to miss the old me, but, not get too overwhelmed with it. I have also come to the realization that rather than ignoring the drastic identity makeover, acknowledging the unfathomed loss and embracing the profound meaning of motherhood brought me closer to myself and my baby. It made me love motherhood more and that too, guilt-free. If it gives you some relief, just know that every mother has to go through these challenges only some are candid about it though. You are not alone in this and I hope I could be of some help.
Let’s observe this International Women’s Day by celebrating the change rather than ignoring it and enjoy the true spirit of motherhood the way it was intended to be – “a little more of privilege and a little less of sacrifice!”
It’s not even been a month since I joined this amazing community of bloggers and I have been nominated for the much coveted Liebster Award 2018. I feel so privileged and honoured for the love and appreciation that I am receiving and owe it to the readers for accepting me as a part the blogosphere. I am really happy with the way my blog is blossoming, slowly but steadily. My heart fills with pride and happiness to see my “baby” getting appreciation and accolades. I thank all my readers for all the support and motivation and hope that my posts continue to mesmerize you and keep you coming back.
Cloud and Sunshine is the abode where my heart dwells and where my emotions form words, taking shape of stories and tales and even advice and suggestions. It’s the place where I pour my heart to paint vivid pictures with my words and spark imagination. Cloud and Sunshine is where I relish being when I am not busy mothering my 15-month-old. I started Cloud and Sunshine as a canvas where I could paint pictures and embroider stories from my rendezvous with life and parenthood. (If you want to know more about me visit my “About” page.)
I would like to extend my sincere thanks to Jena Pendarvis for finding my blog worthy enough for the nomination. Thank you very much, Jena! Jena is a lovely soul, a new mom and a wonderful writer who untangles the knots of her artistic thoughts through her blog posts. Her blog is the reflection of her artistic talent which she uses to showcase, beautifully, through her writings and expressions. From whatever little I have come to know about her through her posts, it has left me awed and wanting for more. The challenges she has faced and the battles she has won make her the strong woman she is today. I would request you to take a peek into her life and amazing content by visiting her blog and be truly inspired.
What makes me passionate about blog posting?
Upsurges of uncharted emotions that I feel as my newfound motherhood, inspires me to document it for my son to know and learn from it. I feel it’s not the destination, but the journey that makes it more interesting and worthwhile. As I sail through my journey of parenthood, the challenges I face and the (mis)adventures I stumble across enriches my life. And, it is the urge to share my experiences and learning that I gather as I go, with the world by way of my life stories and tales is what makes me passionate about blog posting.
Let’s connect with the bloggers!
10 Random Facts About Me
1) I hate pets but would like a cute dog as a pet for my son.
2) I am a Virgo and strongly believe in sun signs.
3) I had an arranged marriage, but because of our chemistry people often confuse it to be a love marriage.
4) I take out time to write for my blog either when my kid sleeps or by staying awake every alternate night.
5) I do the major part of my shopping online from the comfort of my home.
6) I am a neat freak and go crazy when I find my things out of place.
7) I am an emotionally challenged person who usually doesn’t know how to react to a particular situation, where I might show a different reaction while I am feeling an altogether different one.
8) I am not fond of jewellery as much as I am fond of gadgets and technology.
9) I strongly dislike people who don’t value time and money.
10) I was so huge when pregnant that people often asked me if I were carrying twins.
Let’s support the blogging community!
Answering the questions I have been asked:
1) Would you rather be someone’s sun or moon and why?
The Sun is unquestionably the brightest star of our galaxy and the ultimate source of our energy. It illuminates our lives with its sunshine and provides heat and warmth. But as much as I might be inclined to be someone’s sun and spread sunshine in their lives, yet I choose to be their moon so that I can brighten their world during their darkest hour when their sun isn’t hanging around to provide the light.
2) Which would you rather watch, the sunrise or sunset?
Both sunrise and sunset are beautiful, exotic and magical in their own aspect. While both of them are breathtaking still the sunset hues with its vibrancy of colours and embedded romantic notes is far more captivating and stunning. But I’d rather choose to watch the sunrise, as it comes to me with a ray of hope – a hope of a fresh new day, a hope of new beginnings and a thankful heart for being alive to live another beautiful day. The serenity of the sunrise for me marks the dawn of exciting possibilities for a brand new day and opens a plethora of prospects for spending the day and being grateful for having been granted it.
3) What is your ritual to begin creating/writing?
Being an overtime mom to an all-time-charged-up toddler, it really makes it impossible for me to stick to any particular ritual and religiously follow it. I don’t have any particular routine to begin my writing, yet I am open to fresh perspective all the time. I always keep my desk ready for productivity so that I do not have to spend the little time I get in prepping my desk. Whenever I come to my desk, I mean business and pour my thoughts incessantly. And while I’m away from my desk and some inspiration, ideas or thoughts do happen to pop up, I just type them out on my phone and store them for later use and build around them once I get time.
4) What/who inspires you in life the most?
I find my inspiration for writing in the day-to-day things which strike a chord in my heart and ignite a response – be it happiness, sadness, anger or excitement.
5) What movie genre would you consider to be your personality?
Though I like romantic and action movies as well, I am a diehard fan of good horror movies, those with the likes of The Conjuring and Insidious.
6) If you could grow a garden, would it have flowers or fruit/veggies?
I believe growing a fruit/veggies garden is what I want for myself since, even though flowers carry with them their beauty and fragrance it is the food that I want more. What could be better than a home produce of fresh fruits and vegetables right from your home kitchen garden, free of toxic pesticides and chemical fertilizers!
7) Would you rather cook or bake?
I, honestly, am clueless about baking so it is cooking for me.
8) If you could have one wish what would it be?
If I were granted one wish it would be to have a second child. Only this time around I wish it were my husband who conceived, carried and gave birth. (Sometimes, I truly feel that way. No offence!)
9) What artist would you want to see in a live concert?
So I am a big fan of music and I myself can sing fairly well. I love listening to the old classics of Kishore Kumar but he has been long dead. I would definitely want to hear him perform live.
10) What’s the youngest memory you have of your past?
Brace yourself, this one’s going to be interesting. So my sister is two years younger to me. When I was five I was allowed to go out of the house alone, but my sister being younger had never stepped foot outside the house alone.
One day being a good elder sister and feeling responsible for her I decided to take her out to play. While I was busy playing I completely forgot about her. When I finished playing and it was time to return home, I turned to take her, but she was not there where I had left her. I searched everywhere, but she was nowhere to be found. Then crying and sobbing inconsolably, I returned home to inform about it to my mom feeling dreadful of the repercussion.
To my utter shock what I see is that she is busy enjoying her evening snack merrily sitting on my mother’s lap. And then I heaved a sigh of relief. So it had so happened that while I was busy playing she had found her way back to home all by herself. And I am still clueless when she learned to do that. In a nutshell, I had a fortunate escape from what could have turned into a good thrashing session for me. Thank God she returned home safe. That was the most dreaded I have ever felt in my entire life as long and as far as I can remember.
1) If given the power to time-travel would you rather go into the past or the future? Give your reasons.
2) If you were to choose to be born with one disability (choose from blind, deaf and dumb) what would it be and why?
3) Have you ever watched the cloud and imagined it to form some shape?
4) Which Disney character do you relate to and why?
5) If given a second chance what would you do differently?
6) What is your idea of God and spirituality?
7) Which comics fan are you Marvel’s or DC’s and why?
8) What is the story behind your blog and how did it get its name?
9) Do you need to have a baby to feel complete and if you were unable to give birth yourself, would you rather have a baby by surrogacy or adoption? Give reasons.
10) Among the 7 wonders of the world which one do you find the most deserving and why? (Additionally, you could also rank them according to your choice.)
11) What does true love mean to you?
Check out the official rules for the award!
Rules of the Liebster Award 2018
1) Thank the person who nominated you, and put a link to their blog on your blog. Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you.
2) Display the award on your blog.
3) Write a small post about what makes you passionate about blog posting.
4) Provide 10 random facts about yourself.
5) Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel would enjoy blogging about this award.
6) List these rules in your post.
7) Inform the people/blogs that you nominated.
For more detailed information on the Liebster Award 2018 visit here.
If you choose to accept the nomination answer my questions, remember to tag me and inform me about your post by leaving a comment here for me to have a look at your answers. Hope you enjoy answering my questions. And don’t forget to nominate other bloggers to discover, connect and support the blogging community.
It was Valentine’s Day a few days ago and I so wanted to write this for Valentine’s Day. But then I decided against it and saved it for a later date. And more than anything, it was long overdue and I needed to pen it down.
Why?
Because, as an exhausted stay-at-home mom all my days are full of the daily mundane activities from which I consciously try to steal those little moments of romantic love. So in a way, all my days are special and every day is a Valentine’s Day. And it couldn’t come at an opportune time to pay tribute to the man of my life for all his earnest efforts, firm support and understanding throughout the time we have known each other.
My life, today, is all about my 15-month-old and most of the time my role as a mom gets in the way of my role as a wife. Yes, I am guilty of neglecting your needs, because often I need to choose our kid before you. Because sometimes, caring for our kid’s needs means putting his needs before yours. As a mom, this is the most difficult place to be in and as much as I hate this I find myself in the same spot again and again. And it is easier to be a mom than be a wife.
It is like snuggling into you cosily under a blanket and wanting to completely be in the moment with you enjoying it, but yet finding myself peeping over your shoulder from time to time to see if the baby is sleeping peacefully. No matter what, our baby will always be my first priority.
But it doesn’t imply that I don’t hold you up in my heart the way I once did. Oh, absolutely not. But yes, it does mean that the moment we decided to bring this innocent life on earth, it got decided by default that I am always going to choose him before you. It means putting our needs as a couple and as individuals temporarily on hold.
Bringing a baby into the world is unquestionably a life-altering decision, and no matter how much you think you are prepared you are never really prepared for it. “Because the twists and turns your life are going to get is never really mapped until you embark on the journey.” But having a companion to share the challenges and the adventure along the way truly makes it worthwhile. And my heart is forever going to remain grateful and indebted to my companion for life – to you Mr. Husband.
Being grateful
I thank you deeply for the epitome of patience you have been, since the moment we became pregnant till this day when we are raising together this super energetic, never-staying-still toddler. I thank you for holding patience all along our pregnancy and bearing my sporadic mood swings. So yes, life is pretty different from when we first started – from a carefree life as the newlyweds to the overcautious life as the new parents. And amidst all the melodrama that my life has turned into, the wife in me takes a backseat as the mom in me takes charge.
I admit it is exciting, but it is difficult too.
I agree it is fulfilling, but it is exhausting as well.
Missing “us”
This journey, so far, has been one hell of a ride, but I honestly miss those carefree days when we could do just what we wanted without having to bother about this tiny soul whose life now depends on us. I miss being able to express and reciprocate to you as much as I want to and as profoundly I feel about it. Sometimes I just want to rewind my life once again and be that slaphappy 25-year old that could live life as a freewheeler. I sincerely miss those times when we could go anywhere, just on a random whim and return home whenever we felt like, and when eating out meant enjoying a romantic elaborate dinner leisurely. I miss those long drives listening from our “curated playlist” and those “insightful conversations” over coffee. I miss indulging in those long, freewheeling shopping sprees without having to bother about the finances.
I miss “us” and our happy “us-time” together.
I try to be happy in my own skin, and yet desperately trying to fit back into my old clothes. I want my energy levels back and also my flawless skin. I know you say I still look beautiful to you, but sometimes with dishevelled milk stained, food smeared and poop sullied clothes and wild unkempt hair it is hard to be convinced. I know you say you still love me, but I find it hard to believe when most of our conversations are about our precious son which start and end with him. I am honestly grateful that you still find me attractive, yet, the c-section scar, the bulging belly, and the diminished energy levels still bother me. I miss being the athlete I once was who was able to play all types of outdoor sports.
I miss the old “me”.
Life is different. Life is good. I am happy.
But life with the baby is so different. We are busier than ever and we never seem to find time to do things that we enjoy doing. There’s always a lack of time and shortage of money. With only one earning member and three mouths to feed the budget seems only tighter. All our money is spent keeping our baby well fed and comfortably clothed. Today eating out is more trouble than it is deserved and the so-called date nights frequently involves a cranky baby and food splatters and smears on our clothes.
Life is a lot more different than what we expected it to be. I do not mean to imply I’m unhappy with my life. Oh sure, we are the happiest we have ever been. But looking back at those countless exhausted and sleep-deprived nights it reminds me how difficult it has been and still, we have managed to do it all. And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.
“Of course, nobody comes out of parenthood unscathed and I am not sure if every parent is candid about it. But I am pretty sure that these are the scars I want to don. And not just don but to also flaunt it proudly.”
Because it has been a privilege to bring this tiny human into the world and I am having the best time of my life. I am the happiest I have ever been and I would not change a thing about it. Neither would I want to do it any differently. And all thanks to you for standing by my side always being this unwavering and unfaltering source of support and motivation.
Life is so good, but at the same time so consuming. But I am hopeful. I am hopeful that life won’t be like this always and one day this will all be over. One day. One fine day there will only be us, again. Yet, it won’t be the same us, as parenthood has changed us inside out. The change is undeniable. And undeniable is the love that we feel for each other which has only grown deeper as we get stronger through these challenges. Though we can’t be those naively free-spirited wanderers anymore my love for you has grown only deeper watching you in your “Dad-shoes”. It’s a treat to watch you with the baby, being so gentle and handling the baby with tenderness despite your macho persona.
Someday it will be over
Life is emphatically better with our tiny human with us. But one day it won’t remain difficult to be a wife than being a mom. One day when our little man is all grown up and busy with his life we will again find us, still standing beside each other that we once chose to overlook feeling burdened with our parenting responsibilities. One day when cleaning up the spilled milk, changing the soiled diapers and doing the laundry will be a distant past. One day there won’t be a runny nose to wipe, pounding headaches from sleepless nights and tiny hands to scatter things around. One day we will rediscover each other holding hands and be patting our backs on how well we did in raising our baby to become a kind human being.
You will always be the person I’ll keep on taking for granted. You will always be the person I will lean on when I need a shoulder to cry. You will always be the person I need to guide me through when I can’t find the light. You will always be the person who brings a smile to my face and brightens my day.
I feel lucky to be sharing my life with you. The way you have maintained your patience and calm speaks volumes about your inner strength and shows how much you love me. I feel obligated towards you for being so understanding and loving me looking past my flaws. I am horrible at expressing myself when it comes to showing my feelings for you. I’ll just say that I love you dearly and I’m glad for having you by my side. Life is uncertain and unpredictable, but with you standing by me, I am ready to take on life as it comes.
“For me, love and happiness prevail where you are.”
Valentine’s Day is up and you might be reminiscing those times when cupid struck you and your heart was filled with unfathomable love for your spouse. But when you thought your heart was already filled with so much love, you got hit with the cupid yet again, and this time with a breathtakingly amazing little miracle that you made. Having a baby in the picture definitely changes the whole dimension of the love that you already knew giving it a new meaning, definition, and perspective.
Valentine’s Day as a new parent is a great opportunity and the perfect excuse to pause, unwind and rekindle the lost romance. But romance might be the last thing on your mind from the exhaustion of caring for the baby and tending to their needs. But behold! This Valentine’s Day is more special because it’s not just the romantic love that you are celebrating, but also the eternal love that you feel for your little one. And only because you feel exhausted just by the thought of going out or you don’t have time to plan anything lavish, or you have a tight budget, it shouldn’t stop you from spicing up the day and putting the romance back into your relationship.
Here’s a list of Valentine’s Day ideas for new parents just like me to make this day special and memorable not just for you, but also for the baby in the comfort of your home:
Exchange Gifts
Now, who doesn’t like gifts? I’m sure all of us do. But you don’t need to go overboard to show your love and make it special. A gift need not be a very high priced stuff and cost a fortune. The idea is to remind your spouse that he is loved and cared for. So a thoughtful present instead should be more appropriate. You can be creative by involving the baby and use the baby to make some amazing gifts for both of you with minimum effort. You can try moulding dough, clay or ceramic to prepare a keepsake for both of you and commemorate the day by imprinting your baby’s handprints and footprints. It can be a fun and enjoyable experience and a perfect gift for Valentine’s Day. What better way to gift each other something by your little fellow and from your little fellow?
Click Pictures
Who said Valentine’s Day couldn’t involve the baby? Valentine’s Day may seem cliché to some, but it’s the perfect opportunity to click some candid photographs with the baby and give your relationship a new boost. You can be innovative and creative with your ideas to get some amazing shots with the baby, which you can add to your collection and make memories. If you are down on ideas, taking ideas from the internet can be a good option.
Dinner Date
We all have been on dates before having the baby, but a date after the baby might seem a far-fetched idea. Rest assured, you can still make it happen with a little effort. You can elevate the fun by cooking your favourite foods together after the baby falls asleep and enjoy each other’s company. But if you do not want it to be elaborate instead of cooking you can still order some take-away from your favourite restaurant and have a candle-lit dinner. Just a change of lighting and some soothing, romantic music can set the mood for the night.
Movie Date
I am sure it must have been a while since you watched a movie together. With a baby in the picture and all the sleep deprivation the idea of a movie can seem a bit elusive and be getting a good night’s sleep can be more alluring. But it is Valentine’s Day guys and it’s your first Valentine’s Day as a new parent; give your relationship a little spice up by playing this little game. Both of you can write 5 movies each on small chits (movies can be new releases, all-time favourites, romance classics etc.). Now fold the chits and mix them up. Toss a coin to decide who gets to pick the chit. Now when you have a movie chosen, settle in for a cosy movie date snuggling under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn, piping hot coffee and maybe some chocolates.
Talk and Reconnect
Even if you don’t have the time and patience to go through a whole movie you can still add a little love and tenderness to the day by just having a heartfelt conversation with your spouse. With the endless nights of sleep deprivation the daunting new responsibilities as a new parent, it can be quite frustrating and you might end up adding stress to your relationship. You can take this day as a chance to reconnect with your spouse by getting cosy and speaking your hearts out. You can appreciate each other, talk about your future together with the baby and about your relationship and personal goals. You can also travel down the memory to your first date or even plan your next vacation. The idea is to reignite the lost spark.
So here’s my list of Valentine’s Day ideas for all the busy, sleep deprived and exhausted new parents out there. Having a baby shouldn’t come in the way of celebrating love. In fact, a baby gives you all the more reasons to celebrate than you already had. Now, I’m not going to choose from these ideas above, rather I’ll put to use all these ideas to make my day more interesting and special. What are your ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day as a new parent?
How does it feel when the nurse hands you a bundle wrapped in new responsibilities? Congratulations, you’re a Dad! “Overwhelmed” couldn’t even begin to describe the mixed bag of emotions a New Dad feels. It doesn’t matter if the baby was planned or “accidental”, the truth is, the first few weeks of bringing home a newborn is daunting at both physical and emotional levels. Parenting is a daunting task and more so for the first time parents. New Dads are typically bewildered and confused, and find it difficult to process that they are actually a father, even after an eternal nine-month long wait. The news usually takes time to sink in.
Mr. Husband was in a state of utter bewilderment when our tiny human was handed to him. One can fairly get an idea of the extent of Mr. Husband’s bewilderment from the fact that each time when someone asked him how old the baby was, he would look towards me, pleadingly, asking to save him from embarrassment. Because, precisely, my man here doesn’t exactly know how old our baby is; leave alone expecting of him to remember baby’s vaccination schedule. Poor soul! How he wished the baby came with a user manual.
While to new moms parenting comes rather instinctive and intuitive since they are said to be “programmed” for this, for clueless puzzled New Dads it’s more of an on-the-job-training. Mr. Husband had to learn the basics, step-by-step.
So while Mr. Husband was uninformed and unsure about the whole parenting thing, it actually helps to make a difference by being a know-it-all-Dad. Here I’m listing 5 pieces of the solved puzzle from the firsthand experience of fatherhood from a New Dad.
The First Hold!
New Dad Puzzle No. 1: Why don’t I feel love for my newborn?
It’s said that motherly love is mostly instinctive whereas fatherly love is a learned behaviour. Mothers feel instant love for their newborns since they have been growing and nurturing them in their womb for nine months. But a New Dad may not feel the connection instantly. Though it’s common, to some New Dads it doesn’t come naturally. They find it difficult to admit and comprehend the lack of emotion and find themselves wondering if something’s wrong with them. Some New Dads even find themselves drowned in guilt and self-pity for not doing it right. But there’s no shame in admitting if a New Dad has problems bonding with the baby.
The Story:
For us, Mr. Husband felt that instant connection with our baby when he first saw Shaarav. They hit it off instantly. His bond to Shaarav is even stronger than mine. All thanks to me that I kept asking him to talk and sing to the baby bump throughout the pregnancy. He felt the connection built for the first time when he felt Shaarav kick in the womb. Shaarav had been responding to his Papa’s voice ever since. He would respond with an immediate kick or nudge whenever his Papa talked to him. Mr. Husband couldn’t thank me enough for this. But still, at times I could see hesitancy and puzzled expressions on his face which he needed little guidance with.
New Dad Tip No. 1:
Don’t despair if that instant love doesn’t happen. You can totally give a rest to the societal pressure of immediately falling in love with the baby as soon as you look at or hold the baby. Sometimes it doesn’t happen. In order to foster bonding with your little one, the physical touch and skin-to-skin contact is the most important. Talking and singing to the baby making eye contacts, particularly helps in a good bonding experience. The love gradually develops as you become an involved father engaging yourself in burping the baby, changing diapers, and rocking the baby to sleep. You are eventually, very certainly, going to fall for their cute angelic face, those bright, twinkling eyes and, boy oh boy, those perfect toothless smiles. And it won’t be late when you will find yourself basking in the glory of your own “masterpiece”.
Mastering the art of holding a newborn!
New Dad Puzzle No. 2: How to hold these tiny creatures?
Holding these tiny human beings can be utterly terrifying and extremely intimidating. They are so tiny when they are born and in a couple of days, they shrink even more, and more so when the baby has a low birth weight baby or is born prematurely. Newborns have a soft and delicate head with no control on their neck whatsoever and need constant support to avoid injury.
The Story:
Though Shaarav was a big baby compared to others, in spite of it, Mr. Husband was petrified to hold him. When the nurse tried to hand over the baby to Mr. Husband, he froze and just stood there for some good 10-15 seconds gaping at the nurse with his mouth wide open. I believe his jaws could have touched the floor had he not come to his senses in another 5 seconds or so. He had this bewildered look on his face as if saying they were committing a sin by asking him to hold this fragile thing. How could they? It was quite a scene and though my stitches hurt, I still had a hearty laugh. It was hilarious. I remember he had difficulty picking up the baby. And when the baby was handed to him, he would first take positions (deciding which side he wanted the baby’s the head to be) but after that, he would be just fine. Once he mastered the art, rest is history.
New Dad Tip No. 2:
The most important thing in holding a newborn is to cradle the neck and head in a comfortable position to give them support. Just don’t shake, throw or drop the baby. Put your common sense to use. Rest you must be fine and live to see another day and tell another story!
Their tenderly talking sessions!
New Dad Puzzle No. 3: How to soothe a crying baby?
Newborns can cry for various reasons and crying is the only way they know of to communicate and express them. So if they are hungry, or feel sleepy, or need to be changed or are tired or are sick, they are going to communicate by crying (read howling). Small babies can be quite a howler.
The Story:
Shaarav was a howler when he needed a change and Mr. Husband would wake up from sleep with a pounding headache all confused and annoyed. God bless him! But Shaarav has always been a very calm and happy baby and he seldom cried even as a baby. But on occasions that he did, he was difficult to calm and Mr. Husband, unable to comfort him, would just hand him to me to soothe. You see babies are intelligent creatures. They are brilliant at picking up emotions and sensing your fear. Babies are able to “mirror you” as they spend a large amount of the little time that they are awake in studying faces and expressions, especially their parents’. Babies use all their senses to identify and differentiate other people from their caregivers.
New Dad Tip No. 3:
Don’t take it personally when your baby begins to cry just looking at you or the instant you hold him. While it’s a good idea if you want to hoard on earplugs, it’s even better to know the tips and tricks of calming a cranky and crying baby. You need to show them that you’re confident, even when you’re not. Babies particularly begin to relax once they begin to feel your growing confidence. You might as well try rocking them gently as most babies love motion. Shaarav would also feel comfort from tenderly talking and enjoy the “one-sided” conversations.
I so love my boys!
New Dad Puzzle No. 4: How to change those dirty diapers?
For the first three months, there will be poop, lots and lots of it – in different colours, in different textures, in different smells, also in different quantities and probably in different sizes too. It’s always good to be prepared and stock up on diapers if that’s what you are going to use. Now changing diapers or even nappies for that matter can be really tricky when you have a squirmy and wriggly baby in hand. It might get messy if you are not careful. They can sweep their hands whenever and wherever they like.
The Story:
Since I had a c-section and was on analgesic I could not move. Each time the baby pooped Mr. Husband would run to call the nurse on the charge to clean him up. Alas! The nurse had enough and gave him a good scold (giggle)! She challenged his fatherhood and he took that as a challenge to master the messy art. There was once this very famous incident when as soon as Mr. Husband opened Shaarav’s diapers for changing him, Shaarav let out a massive poop-explosion and Mr. Husband was all covered in poop. That was epic! I’m sure he has lots of poop stories to share with Shaarav when he grows up!
New Dad Tip No. 4:
So to avoid all the mess, before changing the diaper don’t forget to place a changing mat beneath as you never know just when you are busy cleaning up the puddles you can get a downpour. Give your baby something sensory to hold, such as a musical toy, lighting toy or pacifier so that his hands are busy while you change without messing up. Trust me on this.
I live for moments like these!
New Dad Puzzle No. 5: How to make a newborn sleep?
Newborns spend about 16-18 hours sleeping. But yet it can be quite an uphill task to get an over-stimulated baby to sleep. Babies can both be heavy and light sleepers. Babies are used to living in close and dark quarters of the womb, and imitating the same helps them to relax and aid in making them sleep.
The Story:
I don’t understand what it is with Shaarav and Mr. Husband that they enjoy each other’s company a lot. I mean “a lot”. Although Shaarav is a light sleeper and tends to wake up at the slightest noise, he still manages to sleep peacefully beside Mr. Husband despite him being a heavy snorer. Take note, when I say a heavy snorer I really mean a really heavy one. I have countless pictures of them sleeping skin-on-skin on his chest. Shaarav loved being rocked though, but hated being swaddled and wanted his hands free at all times.
New Dad Tip No. 5:
Shaarav typically found comfort in the warmth and closeness and motion. He snuggled up cozily as he relaxed. So it would be a good idea to gently rock the baby to sleep while cuddling them as close to yourself as possible. Swaddling the right way can also come handy for those babies who like being swaddled. Creating white noise also helps as babies are used to hearing the humdrum of the heart and other organs working during their stay in the womb.
Basking in the glory!
The Takeaway:
Gear up guys! Fathering a newborn is definitely the most gruelling, demanding and messiest task you will ever do. You can only find solace from the fact that the adventure of fatherhood has just begun and the best is yet to come. Just remember, everyone has some bad days and that shouldn’t stop you from being the amazing dad that you are. It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent and there’s something wrong with your parenting. You are the Best Dad your child could ever have and nobody else can do this any better for your kid. Be proud! The time you spend with your little one enduring sleepless nights, changing smelly diapers, and rocking them to sleep truly defines and demonstrates a Dad’s love at its best. Be prepared to fall only to rise stronger. And enjoy every moment you can, including the bad ones, because whatever you do, you can never bring back this time once they are gone! And if this comforts you any, just so you know, you are not alone!
Love,
Mrs. Sunshine
The adventure has just begun!
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