“I promise to ADMIRE and appreciate you for who you are, who you have been and who you wish to become.”
With this vow, we promise to always see the best in each other and support each other in our journey towards personal growth and self-improvement accepting all the forms of each other.
What does the vow mean?
The first part of the vow means:
If we go by the dictionary meaning of admiration, it says admiration is a feeling of delighted approval and liking. And so, admiration is one of the most powerful foundations for a long-lasting relationship. It is indeed a very strong first feeling you develop in a person you have known and you respect. Admiration has to do about the story you want to tell about your spouse to yourself. And, that means it should come straight from the heart. When I say “I promise to admire you” it means I have genuine respect for you which comes from the wonder, pleasure, and warmth I get in your company.
Admiration is, thus, the first positive feeling that makes us stick to our spouses because when all other emotions begin to fade away, only the best things that we see in our spouses makes us admire them.
The second part of the vow means:
Our past has a lot to do with who we are and who we have become. I have had my ups and downs, highs and lows, and successes and failures which have shaped me to be the person that I am today. To me, getting married always meant the ultimate acceptance of me from my partner, without any regrets, accepting me with open hearts and guiding me in our future with open arms. It has always been very important to me in our marriage that we both challenge each other and help each other grow to be a better person. Here, we don’t mean to improve the way the one wants the other to, but to improve in a way that one wants to improve herself for the mutual good.
Why do we need to ADMIRE our spouse for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?
When we are at the beginning of a relationship, during that rosy feeling of the butterflies-in-the-stomach kind, we usually tend to overlook all the negative habits in our partner which we begin to notice only when we have spent a considerable amount of time with them. And when we are past the all-is-roses phase, we suddenly begin to find those habits we once overlooked and didn’t mind about as unbearable and difficult to deal with. Marriage is choosing to see the best in you with all your heart and being reciprocated.
But it’s equally important for us to communicate and appreciate what we admire in our spouses. Mutual admiration is not only the foundation of a healthy marriage, but it is also a hallmark of a flourishing relationship. “I promise to admire” means I am ready to actively cultivate and focus on the positive in the one I deeply love.
But we need to understand that a relationship can only last when you try to focus on the good your partner has rather than ruminating about the bad. Nobody is perfect. Perfect is a lie. But still we can strive for a healthy relationship if we slightly change our outlook and that’s the image I hope to carry with me throughout my marriage. I hope as Mr. Husband and I grow in love, we continue to find unique ways to admire each other looking past our imperfections and helping each other to become the best version of ourselves. And this is how we vow to make each other happy and our relationship enjoyable.
Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet B. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?”here.
Marriage to me is a conscious choice of choosing us over and over again!
With BlogchatterA2Z Challenge Theme Reveal you have already come to know that I’ll be rededicating my marriage by renewing my wedding vows. But this time around instead of 7 there are going to be 26 vows with 26 alphabets spread across 26 posts. So with this post, let me give you an opening, a sneak peek of what you’ll be getting to read and know about what you may expect from my posts through the entire month.
What do you say when someone asks you what marriage means to you?
Well, when someone asked me the same question I was so stupefied with the question that I stood there tongue-tied gaping at the questioner like a fool. Yeah, that’s what I did. But why didn’t I have anything to say for such a simple question? I was extremely embarrassed at my own lack of expression.
But this really made me ponder and reflect on what marriage truly means to me. And when I truly understood what marriage means to me, I was flabbergasted by the profoundness of its meaning and its significance in my life, rather our life because Mr. Husband and I share more or less the same ideologies. We are similar that way!
So, coming back to the question of what marriage means to me?
Having grown up in a family where my mom and dad followed and practiced a healthy and growing relationship I couldn’t have had a more positive and inconvertible feeling towards this sacred institution.
I wonder if I’d have the same irrefutable feeling had I been raised in a broken marriage. But regardless of that, I still feel marriage to me is much more than just paperwork and legal binding or social affirmation of two couples staying together.
Marriage to me is the “gift for life” as well as the “gift of life”. To me, marriage is a celebration not just for the day that we get married, but for the whole life – celebrating each other as we build a life together.
Marriage to me is a journey of a lifelong commitment to each other through everything – the good parts, the bad parts and everything in between, but out of love and not out of obligation.
Marriage to me is sticking together, no matter what, on days when we’re head over heels in love with each other, but mostly on days where we’d rather leave each other alone and not see each others’ faces. It means sticking together even when things get inevitably difficult and we’d rather find it easy to walk away desperately wanting to start over and start afresh.
Marriage to me is to share not just the last name or the same bed or the same closet. Marriage is sharing a family, sharing the joys and sorrows – sharing a life.
Marriage to me is choosing to say “I love you” every day building a life together not just over countless conversations – some serious, some nonsensical, myriad of fights and disagreements – some logical some, illogical, not just over annoyance and mundanity, but also over pure happiness and sheer joy, the kind that makes your heart flutter and makes the journey worth it.
So, here’s a small poem I wrote about what marriage means to me:
Marriage to me is a beautiful song
Of forgiveness when one is wrong
To be singing when one gets hurt
Giving them reasons to stay strong!
Marriage to me is treasure and wealth
A lifelong commitment until comes death
To find them the light when one gets lost
And to stick together in sickness and in health!
Marriage to me is a remarkable way
To celebrate life, make merry, and to play
But also when it gets rough and one gets sad
To be present for them to save the day!
Marriage to me is a gift for life
Where you either be one or get a wife
You strive to grow and build a life together
And have a family to cherish as a gift of life!
No wonder I was dumbfounded by the question. Sometimes when it means so much it’s hard to express it in just a few words. Sometimes when it means so much it’s easy to write volumes of books on it. But hold your thought right there, I’d rather suffice with this small blog post for what it means to me. And when marriage means so much to me, it’s only coherent that I renew my vows and rededicate my marriage with this person to whom I’m bound to for now and forever. Join us as we redefine our marriage this April.
And I would definitely love to hear your views and opinions to this question – “What marriage means to you?” in the comments below.
“Marriage Rededicated” is my theme for BlogchatterA2Z
Hello Readers!
March was fun with three posts in a week on Women’s Day. But April is going to be extra fun. I’m excited to share that my one-year wait has finally come to an end and I’m finally participating in the crazy BlogchatterA2Z Blogging Challenge.
Why crazy?
Because I need to post 26 posts in a single month. Can you imagine the madness? I posted a total of 30 posts in the last year that I have been blogging, and now I need to post a similar number in just a month. Whaaatttt??? That’s crazy, right? But you know what, I’m crazier, and I’m determined to complete the challenge whatever it takes.
BlogchatterA2Z Blogging Challenge
If you are wondering what BlogchatterA2Z challenge is, let me tell you it is an exciting and thrilling, action-and-drama-packed, month-long blogging challenge where the participant needs to put up 26 posts with 26 alphabets in 26 days (Sundays being a holiday). The posts can be a part of a theme or individual posts depending on the participant’s choice.
So, with that being said I have chosen to stick to a theme for myself to give a feel, connect and solidarity to my posts, something that my readers can look forward to reading each day throughout the month. And now, it’s time for the “Theme Reveal” and I can already sense the adrenaline gushing in me, that’s the kind of excitement BlogchatterA2Z challenge entails and is raved about. Excited much?
Theme Reveal
The theme that I have chosen for the challenge is “Marriage Rededicated”. Yes, that’s the theme I choose for the challenge. Having been known each other for 6 years of marriage plus 6 months of courtship we have started to take each other for granted. With Shaarav in our lives, we hardly take time to appreciate each other. We both take very highly of our marriage and we just want to appreciate, cherish and invest in it a little more than we already do. We wish to give our marriage an extra shine with a little extra polish. And to add that extra shine, I suggested it’s time we renewed our marriage vows, but with a slight twist. Also, I did not want to wait for a landmark anniversary or veritable lifetime to pass before I did this. It’s time we celebrated our marriage and reaffirmed our commitment towards the person we would like to spend an eternity with. So, join me as we renew our marriage vows by taking not 7, but 26 vows through alphabets A to Z with #MarriageRededicated. Exciting, right?
With these 26 vows from 26 alphabets spread across 26 posts through BlogchatterA2Z, I wish to redefine our marriage. With this challenge, I should also be able to set new relationship goals for us and also add a little extra shine to our already shining marriage. This April should be special as I celebrate and cherish our marriage with a new vow each day. Keep watching this space starting 1st of April’ 2019 as I rededicate my marriage vows, or even better you too could with me.
I’m okay with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!
In the previous post I talked about how I might be a “work in progress” but still, “I love me.” In this post, let’s talk about how I came to appreciate who I am and what I am and why I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!
I was this super skinny girl, both literally and figuratively, throughout my preteen years right until I got married. I started putting on weight only after I got married and during my pregnancy, I put on some 20 kilos. And although all the baby weight I had gained went away the way it came, the stubborn abdominal fat stayed behind and refuses to go away. So if you ask me what shape I am now, I’m clueless myself. Because I used to be a perfect size M but now I’m somewhere between a size M and L as M feels a bit smaller while L is too large.
Body image is a mental representation that we create for our body compared to the standards set by the society, disregard of how others perceive us. Body image, whether positive or negative can play a vital role in a person’s mental and physical well-being. And depending on the type of body image a person has for oneself, it can either conjure feelings of security, love, and value (positive body image) or inflict feelings of shame and self-pity (negative body image).
I was once a typical case of a person with a sense of negative body image. During my skinny years, even the rudest people who made mean and snide remarks could never make me feel low, discouraged or demoralized. But when you make harsh comments about your own body, by saying it out loud or by even thinking it, it hurts your self-esteem more and it hurts just as much as if when somebody else said it. So, it was me who admonished my own body because I couldn’t wear a certain type of clothes I’d like to wear. I won’t say I was ashamed of my body, but I felt very self-conscious and insecure about it for a really long time. It was my own disoriented view of the aesthetics of my body which filled me with dissatisfaction, made me feel disheartened and lowered my self-esteem.
Our society has placed inordinate value on the beauty of the human body since time immemorial. And, we’ve been brought up in a society where we are conditioned to believe a certain body shape to be perfect. And the cherry on the cake is the digital media, which have been flooding the world with such highly stylized and unrealistic appearance ideals, creating a very flawed concept of “perfect.” The high cultural expectation from this unobtainable “perfect” that has been fabricated in our society has been leading to a lot of discontentment and insecurities in people like me who lack it.
But not long ago, I stumbled upon this beautiful song “Perfect” by Anne Marie with a very powerful message of self-acceptance and it made me realize that I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!
I realized that I don’t need a perfect body to feel perfect. I needed to like my body to feel perfect. And when rather than fixating on body negativity I started focussing on body positivity I had a clear true perception of my body and it was then I began to respect, appreciate and celebrate my body.
Why do we need somebody else’s approval for our own body? Aren’t we unique because of our imperfections? The ode to self-love is all about loving our imperfections. That’s what makes us perfect, right. And, I’m OK with not being perfect, and that’s perfect to me!
This post is a part of the #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon Train hosted by Preetjyot, Jasmeet, and Charu. It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers are celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. I would like to thank Ravijot Kaur for introducing me. Ravijot is a strong single mother who is courageously raising her daughter. She shares the journey of her life with multifarious interests at Shining Shower. Read her take on the prompt “Body positivity” here. I would like to introduce Revati Bhushan. A fellow stay-at-home mom she was a Soft Skills Trainer in the corporate world when motherhood happened. She now shares her parenting journey at Mommy Musings. I’m sure you will enjoy reading her take on the prompt here. Please check out other wonderful posts on the theme by other boarders as well. Here comes the train! Choo Choo!
I am a stay-at-home mother and trust me it is extremely difficult to be one. It can get overly lonely, isolating and depressing at times. Being a stay-at-home mom is difficult and the never-ending responsibilities can feel like growing on you. There are high expectations of being a stay-at-home mom. Not just from the little human dependent on me, but also from Mr. Husband and people around me, but mostly the expectations are self-inflicted by my skewed views of myself and how I dreamt and envisioned my life to be. And being a Virgo I have a habit of being overcritical of things and in particular myself. I tend to over-analyze stuff and get worried needlessly. There was once a point in my life when I had lost all sense of self-worth and didn’t value myself. I constantly sought acceptance and approval of somebody for the most trivial things. I was at my lowest best and I had begun to harbour negative emotions, not for anybody else but for myself.
And then I came across this very inspiring song by Meghan Trainor “I Love Me.” There never have been more self-empowering words than these.
I’m sure I loved myself. But did I actually?
It hit me where it hurt the most. But before I could truly love myself I needed to discover the real me. I needed to identify who the real me was. When I started introspecting I became very vulnerable to my own thoughts and feelings. The guards which I had been putting up for so long were suddenly brought down. It made me confront with my own unknown and unfathomed emotions enlightening those uncharted regions of my heart. And I had to face my own deepest fears and apprehensions. But, when I came to acknowledge those unsounded emotions, I felt the power to transform those fears into something more positive and more creative. It helped me to contemplate and express myself without any reservation leaving me feeling empowered.
It was then I found a world of freedom – freedom of thoughts, freedom of expression and freedom of personality. I discovered a sense of liberation from hypocrisy. I found my individuality – letting me make mistakes, letting me learn from them and giving me the gift of experience. I could believe in myself and my dreams – to be myself. Not only did the song inspired me to stand for the values and beliefs that I hold true, but it also helped me discover the real me – the “me” that was lost somewhere. And then it finally happened! I was in love – with me!
I might be a “work in progress” learning to celebrate myself appreciating and honouring “me” for my gifts and talents along with all my flaws and shortcomings but I still, “I love me.”
I might be a “work in progress” growing in confidence and as a person and even when it does seem daunting and confusing at the same time figuring out my truest essence but still, “I love me.”
I might be a “work in progress” identifying, exploring and expressing my individuality and uniqueness. But I believe in my authenticity and originality. I represent my own style, character, and opinion and “I love me” for it.
I might be a “work in progress” still trying to come to terms with the true perception of who I am and testing my newfound courage and freedom but still, “I love me” for it.
And I have realized that loving me is the best I can do at loving others. I mean, how I could love someone else before loving myself. Today I feel closer to myself I have ever been. Because I not only love me when everybody does, but I also love me when nobody does.
And amidst all the chaos of finding and getting found, it suddenly dawned on me that there might be all these ideals about what is perfect and what is beautiful and what is smart, but the most appealing thing is, that which is “me” is nobody else. I am “special” indeed in my own way and I am going to live that way. I am happy loving me because it has made my life more enlightening, meaningful and fulfilling. And this blog, my friends, is the result of discovering my true self, where I truly embody my truest essence, setting myself free, feeling liberated, loving myself and spreading the word.
Ever since “I love me” more each day and this song has become my go-to motto and even now whenever I feel blue or need self-esteem boost I simply put the song on the speaker to get my groove back!
This post is a part of the #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon Train hosted by Preetjyot, Jasmeet, and Charu. It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers are celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. I would like to thank Ravijot Kaur for introducing me. Ravijot is a strong single mother who is courageously raising her daughter. She shares the journey of her life with multifarious interests at Shining Shower. Read her take on the prompt “Self-love” here. I would like to introduce Revati Bhushan. A fellow stay-at-home mom she was a Soft Skills Trainer in the corporate world when motherhood happened. She now shares her parenting journey at Mommy Musings. I’m sure you will enjoy reading her take on the prompt here. Please check out other wonderful posts on the theme by other boarders as well. Here comes the train! Choo Choo!
We went eco-friendly this Rakshabandhan celebrating the festival with a 100% biodegradable Rakhi. This plantable Rakhi is made from hand-made paper, natural colours and, seeds which can be planted in the soil after the festival is over to grow plants of Tulsi and marigold. This is just a small gesture towards the Mother Nature, which also gives me a reason to share a beautiful little story of the festival which is very close to my heart.
We are four sisters and a brother. My youngest sibling (my baby brother) is twelve years younger to me. For very long I didn’t have a brother. Twelve years is really a long time, don’t you think? The sister immediately younger to me is just two years younger. So for a few years not having a brother didn’t make much of a difference. It didn’t really matter if I had a brother or not until I was seven years old. In our craft class at the school, we were being taught how to make Rakhi using silk threads and a brush and were being told the story and the significance of the Rakshabandhan festival. I, as a kid, was so intrigued and fascinated by it that I terribly wanted to have a brother of my own. Moreover, looking at other girls with brothers and listening to their plans for the festival was making me long for a brother even more.
That day, when I returned home, I was particularly sad and my mother sensed it immediately. When asked, I narrated her the entire incident that happened at the school. She laughed it away and helped me with my art & craft homework, which was to prepare Rakhis for display at the exhibition. The Rakhis that we prepared turned out really beautiful and I was very proud of that.
But Rakshabandhan being just 2 days away, I was still whining for a brother, and more so when my prepared Rakhis won the best Rakhi in the whole class. But, on the day of Rakshabandhan what my mother did for me was super duper extraordinary and will definitely blow away your mind (Well, it did mine!). My mother dressed my baby sister, who was 1.5 years at the time, as a boy and asked us to tie her the same Rakhis that we had prepared for the exhibition (My mother had converted Bably to Bablu for the day just for me). And the cherry on top of the cake was I even got a present for the Rakhi as a custom. And my happiness knew no bounds. Life is so simple when we are kids, isn’t it? And little happiness means so much. I wish life could be so much simpler now.
For 3 more years, I continued to tie Rakhi to our Bablu and later to Dably turned to Dablu. It was 1.5 years later that I got my actual brother. And the first Rakhi I celebrated with him was when he was just 5 months old and could barely sit. He just kept staring and drooling all the time unaware of what was happening with him. But that one Rakhi is still the second most memorable of all Rakhi I’ve ever had so far, the first will always be the one with my Bablu! Nothing can ever beat that one!
Rakshabandhan celebrations with my brother.
Traditionally started as a way of brothers swearing to protect the sisters as they tied the Rakhis on their bothers’ wrists, I am so glad that modern day Rakshabandhan has evolved so much. It doesn’t need to be just a brother and sister festival anymore according to its modern version. And why do we need a brother to protect a sister when a sister can do the job equally well, and sometimes even better. It is only sensible that way don’t you think?
Some beautiful moments with my mother from my marriage!
It’s been two years since she is not with us anymore. Who is she? She is my mother. Today is her second death anniversary and all the memories related to that dreadful day that is still fresh in my mind come gushing in. All this while I had kept myself shut. I had decided I would share my feelings when it would be a lot less hurting. But only recently I realized that there won’t be any time when I would not feel the void that the loss of my mother has created in my heart, and in my life. Tears roll down as I write this, but this time I have decided there’s no easy way to it and there’s going to be none in the years to come.
The truth that my mother isn’t here anymore took a while to sink in. I was unable to comprehend how she could have gone just like that. I had just talked to her the same morning, though not for long as she wasn’t allowed to use phones due to the surgery. My greatest regret is that I didn’t even get to say my final goodbye.
That fateful day, on hearing her sudden demise people had started pouring in, in great numbers. My mother was the kindest soul there could ever exist. The lives of the people she had touched, the lives of the people she had influenced, directly or indirectly, all of them were visiting to pay her their last tribute, to show their deepest condolences. They especially came up to me to console me as I was in the most vulnerable, the most fragile state anyone could be in. But my heart was beyond any consolation for the pain I felt was unendurable. I knew they meant well. But the loss was beyond repair. My life, my world was in a total wreck – shattered into the smallest of pieces which couldn’t be put back together even if I wanted to. I was growing an innocent life inside me, the most blessed of things any woman could do and it somehow felt as though it was the biggest sin at the moment.
And I didn’t want to listen to all that, “It happens”, “Life is cruel”, “It has happened with me”, “I know how you feel” – meaningless stuff. To all those people who kept telling me not to cry, not to stress, I wanted to shout to their faces, at the top of my voice, that nobody can know how it felt at the time even if they have been there, just nobody. And none of their words were good enough to give me comfort, to give me peace, which could take away the suffering; none of them at all. I was in a state of utter anguish. I wanted to cry, I wanted to mourn the massive loss and here people were asking me not to, as it could harm the baby. Instead, I kept staring at their faces, blank, without any expression, for being so insensitive. I knew they meant well, but I didn’t want their sympathy. I didn’t want anybody to pity me. I wanted to be alone – just me and her memories, and oh, my unborn baby.
I was going to become a mother myself and I cared least for the impeccant life growing inside me! I confess I am guilty of feeling that way when all I could do was praise for the blessing I was bestowed with when one life was taken. I was torn between what was right and what I wanted. It ached from not being able to cry as much as I wanted to for the very fact that it would harm the baby. I wasn’t even allowed to attend her last rites since I was carrying for some stupid custom where pregnant ladies are shunned from it. I cursed myself for it. She was my mother goddamn it. And I will have to live with this regret, forever.
Some lovely moments with my mother from my graduation!
For the countless days that followed, while on one hand each one of us tried to stay strong for each other as we began wearing our strongest facade of a face, trying to hide what an emotional wreck each one was inside. On the other hand, each one kept trying to find nooks, corners, and places to secretly cry their heart out so that the others didn’t know about it, only for the fact that those swollen, puffy tear-ridden eyes gave way to what exactly the other was feeling.
She was the first one we had broken the news that we were expecting. She had already bought stuff for her would-be-grandchild and even knitted booties and mittens as we were going to have a winter baby. I wanted to share so much with her, ask her so much.
“What it was like when my mother was pregnant with me?”
“What it was like to raise me?”
“How was I as a baby?”
“Did I trouble her a lot?”
“Does my child bear an uncanny resemblance to what I was as a kid?”
I am left with so many unanswered questions. I cannot help but wonder. It’s difficult to be living a life without her. Sometimes I feel it’s just a bad dream and when I open my eyes she will be there, only that it’s an ugly reality we have to live with every day. There’s this gutted feeling in the stomach all the time, cringing me constantly. This entire void only lets me believe what mothers mean to their children; what I, as a mother, mean to my baby.
I would have gone into depression if it hadn’t been for Mr. Husband. He has been this unwavering source of strength this whole time. He was there to be the pillar every time I needed to lean on. He was the shoulder each time I used to cry on. He is the witness of the tiniest tear that has ever gleamed in my eyes.
Now two years later, with Shaarav in our lives, it still hurts the same way; only the expression of it has changed. I share stories of my mother, I share stories about her, and I share her stories, to find ways to keep her in our thoughts, to keep her alive in our memories. I find ways to make Shaarav get acquainted with his “Naani” whom he couldn’t meet from the memories I have of her, tell him how she would have said or what she would have done if she was here with us today. And let me tell you, even at this tender age Shaarav knows who his “Naani” was and he has already grown fond of her. Alas, I still can’t help thinking and be wondering how different our lives would be if she was here with us today. Read my earlier post on “Surviving the Loss of Your Mother while Pregnant”, from Mr. Husband’s point of view.
Love,
Mrs. Sunshine
May her smile continue to make our lives bright and beautiful!
It was Valentine’s Day a few days ago and I so wanted to write this for Valentine’s Day. But then I decided against it and saved it for a later date. And more than anything, it was long overdue and I needed to pen it down.
Why?
Because, as an exhausted stay-at-home mom all my days are full of the daily mundane activities from which I consciously try to steal those little moments of romantic love. So in a way, all my days are special and every day is a Valentine’s Day. And it couldn’t come at an opportune time to pay tribute to the man of my life for all his earnest efforts, firm support and understanding throughout the time we have known each other.
My life, today, is all about my 15-month-old and most of the time my role as a mom gets in the way of my role as a wife. Yes, I am guilty of neglecting your needs, because often I need to choose our kid before you. Because sometimes, caring for our kid’s needs means putting his needs before yours. As a mom, this is the most difficult place to be in and as much as I hate this I find myself in the same spot again and again. And it is easier to be a mom than be a wife.
It is like snuggling into you cosily under a blanket and wanting to completely be in the moment with you enjoying it, but yet finding myself peeping over your shoulder from time to time to see if the baby is sleeping peacefully. No matter what, our baby will always be my first priority.
But it doesn’t imply that I don’t hold you up in my heart the way I once did. Oh, absolutely not. But yes, it does mean that the moment we decided to bring this innocent life on earth, it got decided by default that I am always going to choose him before you. It means putting our needs as a couple and as individuals temporarily on hold.
Bringing a baby into the world is unquestionably a life-altering decision, and no matter how much you think you are prepared you are never really prepared for it. “Because the twists and turns your life are going to get is never really mapped until you embark on the journey.” But having a companion to share the challenges and the adventure along the way truly makes it worthwhile. And my heart is forever going to remain grateful and indebted to my companion for life – to you Mr. Husband.
Being grateful
I thank you deeply for the epitome of patience you have been, since the moment we became pregnant till this day when we are raising together this super energetic, never-staying-still toddler. I thank you for holding patience all along our pregnancy and bearing my sporadic mood swings. So yes, life is pretty different from when we first started – from a carefree life as the newlyweds to the overcautious life as the new parents. And amidst all the melodrama that my life has turned into, the wife in me takes a backseat as the mom in me takes charge.
I admit it is exciting, but it is difficult too.
I agree it is fulfilling, but it is exhausting as well.
Missing “us”
This journey, so far, has been one hell of a ride, but I honestly miss those carefree days when we could do just what we wanted without having to bother about this tiny soul whose life now depends on us. I miss being able to express and reciprocate to you as much as I want to and as profoundly I feel about it. Sometimes I just want to rewind my life once again and be that slaphappy 25-year old that could live life as a freewheeler. I sincerely miss those times when we could go anywhere, just on a random whim and return home whenever we felt like, and when eating out meant enjoying a romantic elaborate dinner leisurely. I miss those long drives listening from our “curated playlist” and those “insightful conversations” over coffee. I miss indulging in those long, freewheeling shopping sprees without having to bother about the finances.
I miss “us” and our happy “us-time” together.
I try to be happy in my own skin, and yet desperately trying to fit back into my old clothes. I want my energy levels back and also my flawless skin. I know you say I still look beautiful to you, but sometimes with dishevelled milk stained, food smeared and poop sullied clothes and wild unkempt hair it is hard to be convinced. I know you say you still love me, but I find it hard to believe when most of our conversations are about our precious son which start and end with him. I am honestly grateful that you still find me attractive, yet, the c-section scar, the bulging belly, and the diminished energy levels still bother me. I miss being the athlete I once was who was able to play all types of outdoor sports.
I miss the old “me”.
Life is different. Life is good. I am happy.
But life with the baby is so different. We are busier than ever and we never seem to find time to do things that we enjoy doing. There’s always a lack of time and shortage of money. With only one earning member and three mouths to feed the budget seems only tighter. All our money is spent keeping our baby well fed and comfortably clothed. Today eating out is more trouble than it is deserved and the so-called date nights frequently involves a cranky baby and food splatters and smears on our clothes.
Life is a lot more different than what we expected it to be. I do not mean to imply I’m unhappy with my life. Oh sure, we are the happiest we have ever been. But looking back at those countless exhausted and sleep-deprived nights it reminds me how difficult it has been and still, we have managed to do it all. And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.
“Of course, nobody comes out of parenthood unscathed and I am not sure if every parent is candid about it. But I am pretty sure that these are the scars I want to don. And not just don but to also flaunt it proudly.”
Because it has been a privilege to bring this tiny human into the world and I am having the best time of my life. I am the happiest I have ever been and I would not change a thing about it. Neither would I want to do it any differently. And all thanks to you for standing by my side always being this unwavering and unfaltering source of support and motivation.
Life is so good, but at the same time so consuming. But I am hopeful. I am hopeful that life won’t be like this always and one day this will all be over. One day. One fine day there will only be us, again. Yet, it won’t be the same us, as parenthood has changed us inside out. The change is undeniable. And undeniable is the love that we feel for each other which has only grown deeper as we get stronger through these challenges. Though we can’t be those naively free-spirited wanderers anymore my love for you has grown only deeper watching you in your “Dad-shoes”. It’s a treat to watch you with the baby, being so gentle and handling the baby with tenderness despite your macho persona.
Someday it will be over
Life is emphatically better with our tiny human with us. But one day it won’t remain difficult to be a wife than being a mom. One day when our little man is all grown up and busy with his life we will again find us, still standing beside each other that we once chose to overlook feeling burdened with our parenting responsibilities. One day when cleaning up the spilled milk, changing the soiled diapers and doing the laundry will be a distant past. One day there won’t be a runny nose to wipe, pounding headaches from sleepless nights and tiny hands to scatter things around. One day we will rediscover each other holding hands and be patting our backs on how well we did in raising our baby to become a kind human being.
You will always be the person I’ll keep on taking for granted. You will always be the person I will lean on when I need a shoulder to cry. You will always be the person I need to guide me through when I can’t find the light. You will always be the person who brings a smile to my face and brightens my day.
I feel lucky to be sharing my life with you. The way you have maintained your patience and calm speaks volumes about your inner strength and shows how much you love me. I feel obligated towards you for being so understanding and loving me looking past my flaws. I am horrible at expressing myself when it comes to showing my feelings for you. I’ll just say that I love you dearly and I’m glad for having you by my side. Life is uncertain and unpredictable, but with you standing by me, I am ready to take on life as it comes.
“For me, love and happiness prevail where you are.”
Valentine’s Day is up and you might be reminiscing those times when cupid struck you and your heart was filled with unfathomable love for your spouse. But when you thought your heart was already filled with so much love, you got hit with the cupid yet again, and this time with a breathtakingly amazing little miracle that you made. Having a baby in the picture definitely changes the whole dimension of the love that you already knew giving it a new meaning, definition, and perspective.
Valentine’s Day as a new parent is a great opportunity and the perfect excuse to pause, unwind and rekindle the lost romance. But romance might be the last thing on your mind from the exhaustion of caring for the baby and tending to their needs. But behold! This Valentine’s Day is more special because it’s not just the romantic love that you are celebrating, but also the eternal love that you feel for your little one. And only because you feel exhausted just by the thought of going out or you don’t have time to plan anything lavish, or you have a tight budget, it shouldn’t stop you from spicing up the day and putting the romance back into your relationship.
Here’s a list of Valentine’s Day ideas for new parents just like me to make this day special and memorable not just for you, but also for the baby in the comfort of your home:
Exchange Gifts
Now, who doesn’t like gifts? I’m sure all of us do. But you don’t need to go overboard to show your love and make it special. A gift need not be a very high priced stuff and cost a fortune. The idea is to remind your spouse that he is loved and cared for. So a thoughtful present instead should be more appropriate. You can be creative by involving the baby and use the baby to make some amazing gifts for both of you with minimum effort. You can try moulding dough, clay or ceramic to prepare a keepsake for both of you and commemorate the day by imprinting your baby’s handprints and footprints. It can be a fun and enjoyable experience and a perfect gift for Valentine’s Day. What better way to gift each other something by your little fellow and from your little fellow?
Click Pictures
Who said Valentine’s Day couldn’t involve the baby? Valentine’s Day may seem cliché to some, but it’s the perfect opportunity to click some candid photographs with the baby and give your relationship a new boost. You can be innovative and creative with your ideas to get some amazing shots with the baby, which you can add to your collection and make memories. If you are down on ideas, taking ideas from the internet can be a good option.
Dinner Date
We all have been on dates before having the baby, but a date after the baby might seem a far-fetched idea. Rest assured, you can still make it happen with a little effort. You can elevate the fun by cooking your favourite foods together after the baby falls asleep and enjoy each other’s company. But if you do not want it to be elaborate instead of cooking you can still order some take-away from your favourite restaurant and have a candle-lit dinner. Just a change of lighting and some soothing, romantic music can set the mood for the night.
Movie Date
I am sure it must have been a while since you watched a movie together. With a baby in the picture and all the sleep deprivation the idea of a movie can seem a bit elusive and be getting a good night’s sleep can be more alluring. But it is Valentine’s Day guys and it’s your first Valentine’s Day as a new parent; give your relationship a little spice up by playing this little game. Both of you can write 5 movies each on small chits (movies can be new releases, all-time favourites, romance classics etc.). Now fold the chits and mix them up. Toss a coin to decide who gets to pick the chit. Now when you have a movie chosen, settle in for a cosy movie date snuggling under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn, piping hot coffee and maybe some chocolates.
Talk and Reconnect
Even if you don’t have the time and patience to go through a whole movie you can still add a little love and tenderness to the day by just having a heartfelt conversation with your spouse. With the endless nights of sleep deprivation the daunting new responsibilities as a new parent, it can be quite frustrating and you might end up adding stress to your relationship. You can take this day as a chance to reconnect with your spouse by getting cosy and speaking your hearts out. You can appreciate each other, talk about your future together with the baby and about your relationship and personal goals. You can also travel down the memory to your first date or even plan your next vacation. The idea is to reignite the lost spark.
So here’s my list of Valentine’s Day ideas for all the busy, sleep deprived and exhausted new parents out there. Having a baby shouldn’t come in the way of celebrating love. In fact, a baby gives you all the more reasons to celebrate than you already had. Now, I’m not going to choose from these ideas above, rather I’ll put to use all these ideas to make my day more interesting and special. What are your ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day as a new parent?
Clearly, being a female when I say I’m not a feminist, I might be raising many eyebrows and inevitably be inviting criticism, but it certainly is a harsh reality and a blatant truth we should all keep abreast with. And to agree or not is totally a personal call and acceptable either way.
Being a feminist is not same as being a feminine and I refuse to be a feminist just because I am feminine. I also am, most certainly, not a feminist because my country has an ingrained patriarchal society where in some parts child brides are still a reality and street harassment and rapes are commonplace.
The three kinds of feminists that exist in the society
I know of three kinds of feminists around the globe:
One, the “extreme” feminist kind who are man-haters and think men to be evil and would rather enslave men than be equal. These are the loud and outspoken hardcore misogynist-hating feminists who think they are superior to men.
Two, the “equivocal”feminist kind who not only want the perks that men enjoy, but also the privileges that women are entitled to. These nonchalant feminists are the ones with beliefs which are pretty much wish-wash.
Three, the “rational” feminist kind who want equal rights for both men and women alike and actually mean it. This kind of feminists are the ones inexistent and fighting for the true cause, but have small reach, receives disproportionate attention and usually go unheard.
So feminists are basically a large diverse group of people (mostly women) with a huge difference of opinions and beliefs. And though, sometimes, I have found myself to be inclined to belong to the third kind of feminists, but with a deeper critique, I rightly choose to opt out.
Feminism and Patriarchy
India has been a sexist nation for time immemorial with patriarchy deeply ingrained in its culture. In spite of having the right to equality to be a vested right in our very Constitution, the existence of gender-based prejudice and discrimination that women have been facing at home and workplace alike since ages are absolutely resentful. But having said that, I seriously have no issues with the patriarchal nature of the society we live in. I don’t see anything wrong with men being leaders and constituting the major part of the workforce. Yet, I most certainly have a strong objection when aspiring, intelligent and worthy women are denied and deprived of an equal opportunity at it despite having similar expertise and skill set.
The three waves of feminism!
The fault in being a feminist – the dichotomy
You see, the idea of feminism has become very vague over the years, and irrespective of whatever noble intentions it was born with, it fails to carry the same meaning. Today, it has become associated with brittle ideologues, feeding more of stereotyping than working for the cause and does deserve criticism. And more than anything I detest being stereotyped. I am an individual and I hate to conform to any norms just for the sake of it.
Feminism has been frequently used by a bunch of loud and vocal extremist feminists for gratifying personal agendas, warping the very essence for which feminism once stood for. As it now stands, feminism, today, has lost its vigour and has begun to rub people the wrong way, if yet not considered a dirty word. Of late, feminism has become more of promotion propaganda for career-driven women. I mean, yes, I have my ambitions and I want to be provided with a choice to want to work, but not just for the sake of achieving empowerment. I want to feel equally empowered being a stay-at-home mom. I want to be entitled to all the worlds I identify with as a human being and not for being a woman. I want a culture which shuns gender-stereotyping and fosters individuality with a choice of roles.
I want a job for my hard-earned education and merit and not because I have a vagina and a pair of breasts. I refuse to be objectified because of my gender because I am more than just vagina and breasts put together. I am every bit human just as men are. But then again, I also believe in gender roles for both genders, and rational equality; not just some irrational equality where I would go compete with men who can roam in the streets at odd hours of the night or can remove clothes in the public. But, yes, I do want the world to be safe for women, and for that, I don’t necessarily have to be a feminist.
I don’t need feminism to teach me about equality. My basic education has given me enough understanding and know-how to know my rights as a human, and as a woman. And the very people who need to be enlightened are either the ones who do not care about their rights altogether (the lower class) or those who are too stubborn in their loyalty to patriarchal values to accept the change (the upper class). And, the sad reality is, while the former makes up the majority of the female population who have no say, the latter is just a bunch of elites who are in control.
The irony of modern-day feminism
The very women who proudly call themselves feminists want to enjoy all the perks of a man without letting go of the privileges that come with being a woman. Women take so many favours in their day to day lives just in the name of being a woman. Whereas on one hand, we are asking to put an end to the taboo and stigma attached with menses in females, on the other hand, we also deny to refrain from taking the two-day special leave that is sanctioned to female employees every month; so much for feminism.
While women want to be treated equally, they still wish to have seats reserved for them in public transports and also wish the man sitting in the area reserved for women to get up and oblige. And sometimes, even pass snide remarks so that he eventually is forced to vacate. How ironical! These are the same women who shout out themselves as feminists and would refuse to vacate the seat even for a more deserving elderly male.
Women talk about feminism and still need alimony after a divorce. Have we thought about giving alimony to the males instead?Wouldn’t this qualify for women empowerment?How many working women would go on to marry men without jobs and leave it up to them to work or not (the concept of stay-at-home dads is still a new concept)? Not even the most career-oriented women would do that. Every girl dreams to marry a man who has a good job, draws a handsome pay-cheque and is financially well-off.
Finding true equality
Females are not perfect creatures and neither are males. Just like women, men too face issues at home, at work, and in the law. We need to have the eyes to the atrocities that men and women have alike as humans. And rather than painting women as the perpetual victim and obsessing over one gender we need an empowered society which treats humans equally for their struggles and to be something more important and significant to be addressed together as a society and not just as men or women.
Joining hands for an egalitarian society.
Young boys equally fall prey to rapes and assaults, but a man getting sexually assaulted is difficult to comprehend and such cases are easily belittled and dismissed because men are infamously known to enjoy sex, right? Don’t such plights need to be equally heard and addressed?
We need to realize that just as not all females are bra-burning misogynists, similarly not all men are power-hungry patriarchs. I know of at least three men who are everything but female oppressors.
My father, a very authoritarian kind of male and the head of the family, was not the sole breadwinner. My mother had an equal role to play and had a say in every decision that has ever been made.
My brother, a free-spirited male, has been growing up among four older sisters, and has learned every possible household chore his sisters can do apart from running errands outside of the home. He even abides by the same rules we as females have to follow.
My husband, a kind, generous soul has never violated my rights. He despite being the sole earner in the family has allowed me the freedom of choice to be a stay-at-home mom while he willingly helps with almost all household chores and the baby even after his working hours.
Men like these are also part the same patriarchal society who we very conveniently use to put our blames on. They also need to deal with issues such as the pressure to be the breadwinner, unfair treatment in custody battles, the pressure of portraying themselves to be strong and tough to avoid being shamed, to name a few. Women fail to see the sacrifice that goes when these men, as part of the norms and values of our patriarchy adhering society are expected to protect and provide for women. Why for reasons like these even men are taken for granted just as women are for different other reasons?
Is feminism about women’s issues or is it about equality of the sexes?Isn’t it hypocritical to incessantly tout that feminism is for equality of both genders and then ignore men’s issues just because historically women have been oppressed more? Feminism does deserve criticism after all, not just for embracing precisely the gender roles they assert to eschew but also for lack of empathy, proclaiming loyalty to equality and monopolizing gender discourse while diminishing their issues and making them even nonexistent.
Isn’t it about time we stopped portraying ourselves victimized and began to empathize?
And, I don’t think feminism is the word we need to continue using. If equality is what we are after, then equality is the word we should use.
The proud declaration
Feminism can’t perpetually be used as an umbrella of “not everyone is happy” and “life is not fair” anymore. We have to accept and celebrate the biological differences that we as genders have and refashion the cultural conditioning that exists today. It’s time our liberty taught us to not be selfish, self-centred and that the feminism we know of today morphed into a more coveted equality and egalitarianism.
And for that very reason, I feel pride in calling myself a self-proclaimed rational gender egalitarian with strong beliefs for equality of both genders. I resent the idea of having to alter my identity or change titles to make me agreeable to hateful or ignorant people. And though, unfortunately enough, no such society exists, I would still like to think otherwise and hope to see a change in times ahead.
Love,
Mrs. Sunshine
We can do it!
Views: 641
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you accept this policy as long as you are using this websiteAcceptView Policy
Hosted By :
