“I promise to be YIELDING and willing to save the relationship instead of trying to win an argument.”
With this vow, we promise to always be willing to be submissive and allowing to be influenced by each other and give in to an argument rather than hurting the other in trying to win in a particular situation.
What does the vow mean?
A dictionary defines yielding as tending to give in, surrender or agree. People look upon yielding as a weakness when in fact in marriage it is the most courageous and powerful attribute. When you are willing to yield it means you care enough for the person and not the situation. The person matters more than the situation and therefore we find it more convenient to lose when winning can mean losing the person and the relationship.
Why do we need to be YIELDING for a joyful and lasting marriage?
Yielding in disagreements in marriage can really be transforming if you aim for a happy and peaceful marriage. Whether you’ve had an arranged marriage or a love marriage willingness to be yielding is one of the most important attribute in marriage. And since we have had an arranged marriage and we are still in the process of knowing each other better to be yielding becomes all the more important.
Coming from different backgrounds and having different sets of beliefs, faiths, ideas and opinions are bound to attract disagreements and conflicts. And our marriage, too, isn’t conflict-proof. No matter how happy we are or how strong our marriage is disagreements is too commonplace in our marriage too. And we are not of the belief as “don’t go to sleep angry”. In fact, we are a more of “sleep-it-off” couple.
When we have a conflict we can either choose to allow it to build up and get heated up or we can choose to step back and approach at the situation with a fresh perspective. By being stubborn we only build walls around us allowing us to wound us more deeply and to grow resentment. So, someone has to be yielding and being yielding doesn’t raise questions about our equality or make us any less important and valued than the other.
So, when I say “I promise to be yielding” it means that in an event of an impasse between us we are willing to reinvigorate by stepping back and returning back to the situation with a fresh perspective rather than nurse our own inflicted woundedness.
A divorce is never an option for us. We had decided very early on that we’ll make this work whatever it takes. Why? Because, there hasn’t been a single case of divorce in our community and we definitely don’t want to be the first. That’s motivation enough for us and more than anything we are in the marriage for everything forever and we are very clear about that.
So, when I say “I promise to be yielding” it also means that rather than making our marriage a power struggle we are willing to resist our urge to “win” arguments and disagreements, and manage our conflicts in a way that we both walk out of it feeling heard, respected and valued. Because, sometimes we need to lose if we want to win.