“I promise to be HOPEFUL” – #BlogchatterA2Z 

H is for HOPEFUL

“I promise to be HOPEFUL for us for today and tomorrow and to see light at the end of the tunnel when probably there isn’t any and believe in endless possibilities.”

With this vow, we promise to always expect and wish to see a silver lining in every dark cloud and overcome our fears to convert them into undying trust in each other and our marriage.

What does the vow mean?

Hope is defined as earnest anticipation that comes with believing something good. Hope is a confident belief and a peaceful assurance that every dark cloud has a silver lining. Being hopeful means you have faith that belief that makes you trust in things trying and challenging times. Being hopeful means you are being optimistic and willing to look beyond the obvious.

Why do we need to be HOPEFUL for a fulfilling marriage?

Every marriage is challenging and complex, and there’s no denying that. We have had our share of ups and downs when everything seemed like falling apart. There have been challenging and trying times in our marriage when it seemed like it is not going to work. But soon we realized that when we chose to self-reflect in our marriage we could even transform the painful experiences into growth.

When I say “I promise to be hopeful” it means that rather than focus on the hurt, pain, and disappointment I am willing to concentrate and emphasize positive memories.

Hope is such a simple word but with profound meaning and can be just the right thing in difficult times. Hope stems from the faith and though we cannot see it hope still is the substance of what we believe. We believe in us and so we are willing to practice commitment through the challenges.

Our hope in our marriage is formed out of the image and desire of the life we want for us and the belief that we can have it if we work towards it. Being hopeful gives me the power to see our relationship in a new light of reassurance and to believe that there’s a window of opportunity with endless possibilities.

When I say “I promise to be hopeful” I mean I am willing to find ways to stay in love and stay married when it becomes easier to call it quits. Hope alone can mean the difference between giving up on something and hanging in there. Without faith, there is no hope, and without hope, there is no true faith.

Keep watching the space for the next vow with alphabet I. You can find the opening post to the vows “What marriage means to me?” here and the previous vow with alphabet G here.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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Three days, Three Quotes: Day 2

Life goes on!

This quote by one of the most prominent American poets Robert Frost is probably one of my favourites.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on. – Robert Frost

What does this quote mean to me?

This quote has come to be the perfect succinct of my life. It holds so much meaning in my context that it has become a favourite and a constant source of motivation. To me, it means rising from the pain and the suffering, and treasuring the most precious gift called “life” and preparing to unravel the miracles and mysteries it has to offer. Isn’t it what life means – even in the wake of struggle and despair, the ability to “go on”?

What did this quote give me?

Loss of a dear one can be shattering. My mother left us for the heavenly abode when I was about 4 months pregnant. I lost a life when I was nurturing another life within me. I was broken and devastated. So many dreams and wishes had crumbled and lives had come to a still, refusing to move forward. But as I continued to dwell on the sadness of the parting life, it gave way to a new life lifting me of my perpetual sadness.

This quote gave me hope – hope to laugh, hope to be happy, hope to love and hope to live. In spite of the massive loss that I suffered, life is still continuing to move forward. I know it will never be the same again. But there’s hope that I will rise from the pain. This quote taught me that it is easier to dwell on the past than to move forward, but life isn’t going to pause or start over. It’s a fact. Bad things happen, but either we can choose to be immobilized by the gravity of our loss by dwelling on it, or choose to honour it and move forward. And to let go of the past burdens and knowing and believing that life goes on definitely gives me strength and courage to make the best out of the worst.

What did I learn from this quote?

When I felt the flutter of the innocent life growing within me, it suddenly brought a smile on my face and I loved my life for this blessing. I was alive again. This is when I realized that life goes on. Despite the fact that my eyes were blinded by tears of despair and my heart hurt, there are going to be myriad opportunities for loving, laughing and enjoying life. However hard it might be to believe at the moment, but nothing can change the fact that life must go on and it is truly possible that the best is yet to come. And so long as her memory lives in my heart, I will say that life is good.

My humble thanks to sweet Jena Pendarvis for having me be a part of this fun Quote Challenge where we get to discover and know new bloggers. This opportunity is simply amazing. Dear readers, please check out her blog for some good stories. And read my quote for Day 1 here.

Rules of the Quote Challenge

1) Thank the person who nominated you

2) Write three consecutive quotes for three days (one quote per day)

3) Nominate three new bloggers each day for the challenge

My Nominees

1) Wit and Whimsy

2) BeLoved

3) The Moose Poop Diaries

I hope you all have fun playing along!

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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This day that year – Discovering being pregnant with those “two pink lines”!

Those “Two Pink Lines” – Discovering I was pregnant!

It was 24th March of the year 2016. It was Holi – the Indian festival of colours and this time I was to celebrate the festival with Mr. Husband after 2 years. But I wasn’t sure if I was keen for the celebrations because, since past few days I had not quite been feeling normal with fuller achy breasts, bloated tummy and the urge to urinate frequently. These are the typical pregnancy symptoms, right? But these symptoms had long ceased to interest me over the years of countless failed attempts to get pregnant.

Very early in the morning, when Mr. Husband was still sound asleep, I sat up and mechanically taking a home pregnancy test from the drawer I sneaked my way into the toilet. I very distinctly remember that historic day. It was very early in the morning, the sun hadn’t risen yet. There was just the pink sky before the sunrise and the morning birds had only begun to chirp. For the years that I had been trying, I had watched the urine reach the other end without batting an eyelid, waiting eagerly for the result – each time more hopeful and excited than the previous. But this time, as I sat on the toilet pan, unmindful of the process, the last 4 years of struggle, hope and faith started to unfold and flash before my eyes.

For the past 4 years, it had become a routine that whenever we were together and I missed my periods, even for 2 days, I would religiously take a home pregnancy test in the hope that this time it comes positive. I would keep looking at the test with my eyes wide open until the test completed only to see the white evaporation line each time, and that solid pink control line mocking me. But unfortunately in our 4 years of marriage, and amidst I don’t know how many pregnancy tests (I had lost count of), I hadn’t had one single test positive. It wasn’t that we were trying throughout, but we weren’t “not trying” either. Initially, my mother would just give hidden cues, but now even she had started to talk about it openly and directly. It had been so long now that not only people, but even I had begun to question my fertility and almost convinced that something was definitely wrong with me. Many a time even the thought of adopting a child had crossed my mind.

I had watched close friends who married after we did become parents. Some of them became parents even before they celebrated their first marriage anniversary. Nobody had ever pressurized me about the matter, not even my in-laws. Mr. Husband had also been understanding and supportive throughout, but his silence spoke volumes about his desire and disappointment. It had all begun to grow on me and I was becoming desperate. So much so, that I spent most of my time endlessly reading pregnancy related articles on the internet, obsessively tracking my cycles keeping tabs of my fertile window and active days, and absently wishing to be pregnant. And the pressure inside me kept building.

Being a Virgo I have a habit of planning everything beforehand, and even before I got married, I already had a list of names of babies with me. I had even thought about the innovative ways I would break the news with family, friends and Mr. Husband, of course – a different way for each one. I had planned it all. Now all I needed was to be pregnant, and that was the one thing that wasn’t happening for us. Pregnancy still remained a lost dream.

My periods have always been irregular so tracking didn’t help much; but still, I kept on tracking it to maintain my sanity intact and in the hope that I might be lucky to get one cycle right. So, though I was more than a week late and was feeling a bit off I did not suspect a thing. And looking at my past record of several negatives how could I? It had now become more of a routine.

Suddenly, with a thud sound, I was brought back to the present. As I came to my senses I realized it was the newspaper boy throwing the newspaper roll in the balcony. Without much interest, I carelessly looked back at the test that lay there at my foot waiting to be read. And as I looked at the test my eyes started to widen in amazement and I could feel my nervous heartbeats thumping hard against my chest. I rubbed my eyes to get a clearer look at it as I stood there with trembling hands and legs, gaping at the pale faint pink line, shimmering and dancing beside the dark pink of the control in front of my eyes. For an instant I was numb. I don’t know how long I stood there staring at it in surprise or shock (I still don’t recall). I was totally bewildered at the unexpected and unbelievable result. The sight of those “two pink lines” which seemed to smile at me exhilarated me to the core. I felt so alive on the spur of the moment that it couldn’t be described in words.

I was so thrilled that I remember even pinching myself to be sure if it was for real or I was having a dream. I wouldn’t have been shocked if it were a dream because getting pregnant had become so consuming that it had begun to haunt me. But not this time. I was so used to seeing the white nothingness of an evaporated line that those “two pink lines” amused me immeasurably. My happiness knew no bounds and it was getting difficult for me to control my emotions. After all those sleepless nights of wetting the pillow with silent tears and I don’t know after how many earnest prayers God had finally decided to shower us with His blessings.

I quickly gathered myself, washed my hands and joyously went to wake Mr. Husband up who was blissfully asleep, snoring away, still unaware of how our lives were going to change course. I had always imagined for this moment, devising several ways to surprise Mr. Husband with the “good news” and all I could do was wake him up to show him those “two pink lines” and say “Hey! You’re going to become a Dad!” (How cliché! I know). But in that glorious moment words did not matter, only feelings did. And it was overwhelmingly emotional. We hugged and rejoiced. Our lives were going to change forever, we knew it, only yet to discover it how.

And all of a sudden I was eager to celebrate Holi – the festival of colours because we got our “bundle of joy” as Holi gift. And as colourful this beautiful festival of colours is, we knew instantly that in a similar manner he is going to colour our lives with his amazing baby colours and give our lives a new meaning. And since that instant, our life canvas has been getting painted with the prettiest colours there could ever be.


This piece of writing marks the beginning and is the first in the series of pregnancy-related posts where I am going to share my pregnancy journey. Keep watching the space for more updates and interesting pieces.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

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