How I’m a “HAPPY” stay-at-home mom?

On March 7, 2019March 8, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Motherhood, Parenting2 Comments

In my earlier posts, I have talked about how being a stay-at-home mom has been a conscious choice for me and pointers on how you can be a happier mom. But being a “happy” stay-at-home mom is a different ballgame altogether. This International Women’s Day let’s talk about how I have managed to be a “happy” stay-at-home mom.

A “happy” stay-at-home mom might come as a myth to many. Why you ask? Because statistically speaking, the stay-at-home moms are the ones prone to boredom, anxiety, depression, and aggression owing to their demanding, exhausting and isolating nature of work that can be too taxing on their mental wellbeing.

I’m a doctoral degree holder and I have been a meritorious student all my student life. But presently I’m “just” a stay-at-home mom. Did you get offended when I said “just” a stay-at-home mom? Yeah! Even I was among those who didn’t feel proud of my “not-so-job-like job” as a stay-at-home mom. And trust me; the pride that I am taking today in being one didn’t come overnight. It has gradually grown with time simultaneously with my son. And today, after more than two years into it, I cannot emphasize enough how proud and thankful I feel for the opportunity.

So, does it even cross my mind even for a second that I’m wasting my hard earned education?

Never! Never ever!

My education is being put to good use. It’s just that having a career is not one of them at the moment. So what if I don’t get accolades and recognition for what I do. So what if I don’t draw a handsome paycheque for the time and energy I invest in my little man. Instead of leaves I get unannounced wet kisses, smothered all over my face. No employer can be so generous I’m sure. Instead of appraisals, I get plenty of “I love you, mommy” in a single day. How about that? Instead of health coverage I am asked, “What’s wrong or All OK?” several times during the day. Can any job in the whole wide world be so satisfying? It’s surreal!

True happiness comes from satisfaction, right? And being happy is what I choose every day. So how exactly I’m a “happy” stay-at-home mom?

1) I’m happy by making sense out of nonsense

It was sleep time for my son. My toddler doesn’t go to sleep without his favourite blanket. And I have to wash it and get it dried in a single day for it to be available for him. So on one such day when he asked me about it, I said, “It’s right there. Let me bring it.” And I went and brought it to him. But he started to cry saying he wants to bring it. So I went and kept it back for him to bring. But again, he started to cry, saying, “Mummy will bring.” I brought it again, but he again wanted to bring it by himself. This continued for a good 15 minutes in a loop when I finally gave up and yelled at him for being so unreasonable. The poor soul started to cry again, yet, he came up to me, climbed on my lap and snuggled into my arms only to fall asleep within minutes even when I was the one at fault to hurt his feelings. And it was then that it perfectly made sense. Sometimes you derive happiness from the most nonsensical and illogical things. I will always be his happy place and that makes me so happy. No matter what, he will come to me for both comfort when he’s in distress and for rejoicing when he’s happy. So does it matter if just a second before I was scratching my head in complete confusion, unable to comprehend his behaviour? My toddler is unpredictable and his actions unexplainable but with him, I’m learning to make sense out of the nonsense.

2) I am happy by finding music in noise

Even if you have read several books on parenting I’m sure you would have been confronted with occasions when none of the parenting mantras work. At some point or the other, you must have felt clueless without a sense of direction. Are you nodding in approval? Because children come with all sorts of hues and shades of moods and which shade becomes their current favourite is very difficult to guess. And, there’s no such thing as universal parenting, which can suit every child. So even when Shaarav’s terrible twos have barely begun I still get meltdowns every now and then. There are screaming and howling directed towards me for literally no reason. But when I pick him up and hold him close he hugs me tightly. And in the moments for which the hug lasts, I feel his heart-beat in sync with mine that beat together in unison. When I am about to lose it all I rather choose to stay calm. I am learning to find music in noise because if I cannot tame my own temper how am I going to help him in expressing his feelings and emotions? This way I’m better in rhythm with his moods and feelings.

3) I’m happy by hearing what’s not spoken

My child is my best critic. I mean he’s the only one who gives me feedbacks that are unbiased and far from being formal. I ask him, “Did you eat your tiffin?” and he’d say, “Finished” and I check his lunch box only to find it untouched. And I take a mental note for not sending sautéed French beans for his tiffin again. I ask him, “I’m preparing oats for dinner. Is it OK?” and he’d say, “No” only to find him finishing off his plate within minutes. And I again take a mental note that he likes oats. Some days he says stuff he means it, while on other days he says one thing but means entirely the other thing. But the mommy in me is learning to hear what’s not spoken and I feel happy when I ace it.

4) I’m happy by taking what’s not given

My toddler finds immense happiness in dancing in my arms, jumping on my back, pulling my hair and tickling me, which I find extremely annoying. But I understand that this is his way of reminding me that all he wants is me – to be beside me and explore the world with me. I understand that even if I have no chance at winning myself “the best employee of the year award” I’ll still have my son as my biggest true fan. And while I don’t get to throw parties for big success at work I’m happy to celebrate my little accomplishments with Pizza party. I’m still learning to take what’s not given.

5) I’m happy by staying fixed even when I’m broken

And for all the above-mentioned reasons, even when I struggle through the day to not get upset and unleash my temper on my toddler because he unfolded the laundry the eighth time I folded it back, I still prepare his favourite Soyabean chilly for lunch. Because I’m happy to watch that spark in his eyes and that big grin on his face when he sees his favourite food on the plate. I’m learning to keep it together even when I’m on the verge of breaking loose.

True womanhood is about identifying the real you. It is about chasing your dreams and making them come true. It is about empowerment and what makes you happy. Motherhood is a truly empowering spirit and I have realized that if you’re unhappy with the choices you’ve made you can never really enjoy the exceptionally rewarding experience and joy that motherhood has to offer. And happiness comes from the satisfaction.

A “happy” stay-at-home mom is not a myth. Actually, the reality is far from it and I’m a living example. Because when being a mom itself is hard, being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom is definitely harder. But happiness is a choice that I choose every day despite all sorts of challenges and setbacks that I face time and again. Because it is not happy people who are thankful but it is thankful people who are happy. And I’m thankfully happy to be blessed with the opportunity and privilege to pour and invest myself and my time in raising my son. Even though it is exhausting and I’m left feeling burned out I am happy watching my son grow into an intelligent, kind and compassionate little man. And I have immense satisfaction in knowing that being a “happy” stay-at-home mom, I have the privilege to be a part of my child’s life and to be happily present for him physically and emotionally, be it tending or toiling.

This post is a part of the #MomsSpeakUp Blog Train hosted by Prisha and Nayantara. I would like to thank Ravijot Kaur for introducing me. Read their take on the prompt here. I would like to introduce Anoushka Singhal. I’m sure you will enjoy reading her take on the prompt here. Please check out other wonderful posts on the theme by other boarders as well. Here comes the train! Choo Choo!

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

Hosted By :

#Mummasaurus
#MommyingBabyT

10 pointers on how I learned to be a happier mom

On May 27, 2018May 27, 2020 By Sweta KachhapIn Motherhood4 Comments

Have you wondered what prevents you from being a happier mom and enjoying the enriching motherhood experience? Motherhood fills your days and nights with countless moments of sheer pleasure, utter happiness and pure bliss. But apart from a thanklessly rewarding experience that motherhood is it also comes with its fair share of discontentment, frustrations, anger and bickering. Though most of the times the joyous ride of motherhood overtakes the chaos which motherhood brings with it, there are times when ‘unhappiness and despair’ hidden in those dreamy moments can pop its head outweighing the happiness and can rob you of the otherwise rich and rewarding experience. The stress of responsibilities and obligations might start to rob you of the joy of motherhood and a big chunk of your happiness as a parent and a mother might go missing. But, happiness is an elusive state which is more than the simple fleeting positive emotions and a smiley face. Rather, happiness is a state of well-being which encompasses a good, satisfying life with a deeper meaning and purpose making it worthwhile.

My kid gives me the greatest pleasures of my life, but raising a happy kid entails a lot of chaos and drama along with a heap of laundry and other responsibilities. But I want to keep it real; I have been that mom where I was losing the joy of motherhood in the shuffle of the obligations and the jumble of stress. I was beginning to lose my calm and poise due to being worn out both physically and emotionally. And an irritable and impatient ‘me’ was taking over an otherwise calm and composed ‘me’. But don’t we all know that only a happy mother can raise a happy baby and I do not want my relationship with my kid to suffer because I am not happy. The innocent smile on my child’s face gives me more happiness goals than anything or even anyone else for that matter could ever give. And that is why I make conscious efforts not to let some pointless unhappy moments to take away my happiness and ruin my motherhood journey.

So here are some tips and learning which have helped me maintain my happy, become a happy person and an even happier mom and make motherhood more enjoyable and enriching:

1) Learn to value yourself and your motherhood

The responsibilities that come along with raising a baby can sometimes feel like drudgery. Doing heaps of laundry, wiping noses and bums and cleaning after the baby day in and day out was feeling a lot like drudgery to me and was getting to wear me out. And so the first and foremost step that I took towards becoming a happier mom was to learn my value and the value of what I was doing. It is very important to understand that whatever you do for your child today, whether it is cooking a meal, kissing boo-boos, reading stories or playing hide and seek, goes a long way. It has a deep impact on the connection that you have with your child. It not only adds up to develop a strong, healthy bond between the two of you but also helps you become a happier and effective mother. Being positive with motherhood brought meaning to my life and gave it a new dimension. I just had to believe that even when I wear pyjamas or yoga pants I was still amazing for my kid and family who couldn’t do without me. Each little thing I do for them, which may seem insignificant and invaluable is in fact very crucial to bring me closer and make them feel secure and happy.

2) Label your feelings and admit when stressed

Labelling my emotions and feelings and admitting when I was stressed actually solved half of the problem. When I started to label my feelings and describe in a word how I was feeling it not only helped me to identify my emotions but helped me to also deal with it better. Stress, frustration and anger are common emotions that go hand in hand with motherhood. It would be a big fat lie to say motherhood is all fuzzy and rosy the entire time. But it becomes easier when you accept the reality. It will be a lot easier if you know that it is perfectly normal to feel stressed, or frustrated or angry. The feelings these emotions doesn’t make you a bad mother. Rather, when you accept and label them it helps you to overcome them easily.

3) Sort your priorities

Being a mother is not easy. From the instant you open your eyes in the morning and to the moment you close your eyes at night there are endless tasks and chores you need to get done in the limited hours you have. Most days I found the time insufficient to complete all the chores and they just keep on piling. That’s a pretty common picture of any household with small kids and mine is no different. But despite knowing that it can become easily daunting and get you overwhelmed. So in order to become a happier mom, what came handy for me in this scenario was prioritizing my chores. Some things need immediate attention while others can wait for the next day or even two. Also, how much of each work needs to done can also be prioritized. Don’t let the surmounting work come in the way of watching and enjoying your little miniatures grow and turn into amazing human beings. Because the time that you spend with your children is the one that’s going to matter and not the time you spend doing laundry and dishes. At the end of the day it is how you spend your time with your family making memories that is going to count.

4) Appreciate and savour the moment

Motherhood is a thankless job, but its beauty lies not in being a nitpicker, but in appreciating the things as they are and savouring those moments. Believe me when I say you can save a lot of your sanity by just doing that and inch a little closer to become a happier mom. When you have small kids, those toothless or toothy smiles, those wet kisses and those soft cuddles are the sort of thank yous you’re going to get. Rejoice in the beauty of the moment. Savouring those little moments and creating beautiful memories out of them is what you will look back and cherish. The life of a mother is difficult, I totally agree. But finding your perfect moments in those imperfect moments is the art that you need to master to keep your happy. Life will give you lemons, but it’s up to you to decide if you want to cringe on them or prepare lemonades. It’s not always easy to nourish and propagate positive emotions, but a little effort towards it goes a long way. And don’t you think it’s all worth it?

5) Feel grateful

Gratitude is a habit we all need to cultivate in ourselves. Why do I say this? Because gratitude forms the basis of my journey towards being a happier mom. There are going to be tough days, that’s true, but finding good in even the worst harbours positive feelings and opens doors to happiness and satisfaction. Appreciating and being grateful for the riches you have not only lets you live a fulfilling life, but also helps you maintain your equilibrium and sanity. When you have optimism embedded in your habit, you are less likely to get dazed and have a setback. Feeling grateful and acknowledging others for their good not only act as great mood busters but practicing gratitude also prevents the bad days from getting the best of you. Happiness then becomes a journey rather than a destination.

6) Don’t be harsh on yourself

Perfection is a myth and the sooner you kept abreast with this reality the sooner you reclaimed your happy. We all want the best for our kids and strive very hard to achieve that. And in the process, we set the standards so high that we become too harsh on ourselves. I can understand how much you love cleanliness, but sometimes it’s perfectly OK to let things remain messy if you are too much exhausted. I personally sometimes get exhausted to the bone and still have things that need immediate attention. But I let it go. I don’t push myself too hard and just let it go. But I have learned along the way not to get too obsessed and stress over it unnecessarily. So if you sometimes find my bedroom messy and laundry is undone, that’s because I have decided to go easy on myself. And I don’t find anything wrong with that if I can steal some happiness out of it. So whatever you might find causing you stress, you should let it go. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to be reasonable with yourself just as you need to be reasonable with others. And this is what will take you closer to being a happier mom.

7) Reconnect with your spouse

My marriage and my relationship with Mr. Husband started taking a backseat since the moment we conceived. Because from that moment onwards anything and everything has been about the baby. And as a consequence our own love story became usurped by our baby love. But one thing I learned before my obsession with my baby could make a permanent dent on my relationship with Mr. Husband was to reconnect with him and keep strengthening the connection with small and simple gestures of love. It’s understandable that the early years of parenthood can be stressing for both the spouses, but it should also be kept in mind that to remain happier you need to keep working on your relationship with your spouse just as you need with the baby. Do not keep your relationship for some tomorrow and also do not let your relationship with your spouse suffer because of your relationship with your baby. Read more about how we kept our relationship alive after the baby as we started looking at our relationship in a new light in my earlier post “Are you ready for a new perspective in relationship goals?”

8) Find friends and ask for help

Motherhood takes up so much time and space of a mother in raising a baby that it begins to feel lonely and burdened at times. A mother needs help not only physically, but also emotionally. And who could better understand a mom’s problems than a fellow mom herself. Getting to share the mixed feelings and emotions that a mother feels, be acknowledged and truly understood requires a fellow mother who has gone or going through the same ordeal helps so much. The hustle and bustle of motherhood and be really overwhelming and a little help doesn’t hurt anyone. To become a happier mom you shouldn’t feel shy or guilty to reach out and ask for help and you will be surprised how good it can feel – to be connected and be happy.

9) Set up a routine and hack your sleep

I have said this before and I am saying it yet again, sleep is the first thing a mother sacrifices for her child. But it’s also true that a sleep-deprived mom is hard to be happy. Having a good sleep can absolutely make a huge difference in the way you feel. You must have got lots of advice from well-meaning people to sleep when the child sleeps, but I know it’s easier said than done. And being a mother you would rather choose to get some work done when your child sleeps. But believe me, if you are missing out on your sleep you are depriving yourself of enjoying motherhood to the fullest. This is where getting a routine in place helps. I feel setting up a routine gives me a sense of feeling organized, gets my work done on time and also helps me squeeze time to catch up on my sleep. Setting up a routine for the day not only makes you know what to expect from your day, but also makes it easier for my family and baby. Don’t let sleep stand in your way to become a happier mom, find the hack that works best to catch-up some sleep and recharge your batteries to be the supermom that your kid knows.

10) Make time to pursue your own interests

Making time to pursue your hobby is probably the best thing you could do to become happier. Being a mother does take up a major amount of your time, but it does not ask you to give up on things that you love and enjoy doing. It never asks you to give up your sense of self. You shouldn’t feel guilty about taking some time for yourself away from the baby. This would only bring you closer to being you and being happy without ripping you off your motherhood. Only recently I have come to this realization and you can read all about it in my earlier post “Motherhood might be my religion, but I am more than just a mother.”

Motherhood is a blessing, but it’s hard not to get consumed and lose yourself in fulfilling responsibilities. But there shouldn’t be any room for discontentment and motherhood should be enjoyed with a true motherhood spirit. This is the time to soak up these moments before they become memories and get your mom-groove back with these effective pointers.

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine

I am learning how to grow my blog with Neha from Bloggingmadeeasier.com. In case if you are interested in joining for next batch – Join grow your blog challenge here (https://bloggingmadeeasier.com/grow-your-blog-challenge-fundamentals-of-a-profitable-blog/)

The Liebster Award 2018 – Discovering New Blogs

On February 22, 2018January 13, 2019 By Sweta KachhapIn Awards9 Comments

It’s not even been a month since I joined this amazing community of bloggers and I have been nominated for the much coveted Liebster Award 2018. I feel so privileged and honoured for the love and appreciation that I am receiving and owe it to the readers for accepting me as a part the blogosphere. I am really happy with the way my blog is blossoming, slowly but steadily. My heart fills with pride and happiness to see my “baby” getting appreciation and accolades. I thank all my readers for all the support and motivation and hope that my posts continue to mesmerize you and keep you coming back.

Cloud and Sunshine is the abode where my heart dwells and where my emotions form words, taking shape of stories and tales and even advice and suggestions. It’s the place where I pour my heart to paint vivid pictures with my words and spark imagination. Cloud and Sunshine is where I relish being when I am not busy mothering my 15-month-old. I started Cloud and Sunshine as a canvas where I could paint pictures and embroider stories from my rendezvous with life and parenthood. (If you want to know more about me visit my “About” page.)

I would like to extend my sincere thanks to Jena Pendarvis for finding my blog worthy enough for the nomination. Thank you very much, Jena! Jena is a lovely soul, a new mom and a wonderful writer who untangles the knots of her artistic thoughts through her blog posts. Her blog is the reflection of her artistic talent which she uses to showcase, beautifully, through her writings and expressions. From whatever little I have come to know about her through her posts, it has left me awed and wanting for more. The challenges she has faced and the battles she has won make her the strong woman she is today. I would request you to take a peek into her life and amazing content by visiting her blog and be truly inspired.

What makes me passionate about blog posting?

Upsurges of uncharted emotions that I feel as my newfound motherhood, inspires me to document it for my son to know and learn from it. I feel it’s not the destination, but the journey that makes it more interesting and worthwhile. As I sail through my journey of parenthood, the challenges I face and the (mis)adventures I stumble across enriches my life. And, it is the urge to share my experiences and learning that I gather as I go, with the world by way of my life stories and tales is what makes me passionate about blog posting.

10 Random Facts About Me

1) I hate pets but would like a cute dog as a pet for my son.

2) I am a Virgo and strongly believe in sun signs.

3) I had an arranged marriage, but because of our chemistry people often confuse it to be a love marriage.

4) I take out time to write for my blog either when my kid sleeps or by staying awake every alternate night.

5) I do the major part of my shopping online from the comfort of my home.

6) I am a neat freak and go crazy when I find my things out of place.

7) I am an emotionally challenged person who usually doesn’t know how to react to a particular situation, where I might show a different reaction while I am feeling an altogether different one.

8) I am not fond of jewellery as much as I am fond of gadgets and technology.

9) I strongly dislike people who don’t value time and money.

10) I was so huge when pregnant that people often asked me if I were carrying twins.

Answering the questions I have been asked:

1) Would you rather be someone’s sun or moon and why?

The Sun is unquestionably the brightest star of our galaxy and the ultimate source of our energy. It illuminates our lives with its sunshine and provides heat and warmth. But as much as I might be inclined to be someone’s sun and spread sunshine in their lives, yet I choose to be their moon so that I can brighten their world during their darkest hour when their sun isn’t hanging around to provide the light.

2) Which would you rather watch, the sunrise or sunset?

Both sunrise and sunset are beautiful, exotic and magical in their own aspect. While both of them are breathtaking still the sunset hues with its vibrancy of colours and embedded romantic notes is far more captivating and stunning. But I’d rather choose to watch the sunrise, as it comes to me with a ray of hope – a hope of a fresh new day, a hope of new beginnings and a thankful heart for being alive to live another beautiful day. The serenity of the sunrise for me marks the dawn of exciting possibilities for a brand new day and opens a plethora of prospects for spending the day and being grateful for having been granted it.

3) What is your ritual to begin creating/writing?

Being an overtime mom to an all-time-charged-up toddler, it really makes it impossible for me to stick to any particular ritual and religiously follow it. I don’t have any particular routine to begin my writing, yet I am open to fresh perspective all the time. I always keep my desk ready for productivity so that I do not have to spend the little time I get in prepping my desk. Whenever I come to my desk, I mean business and pour my thoughts incessantly. And while I’m away from my desk and some inspiration, ideas or thoughts do happen to pop up, I just type them out on my phone and store them for later use and build around them once I get time.

4) What/who inspires you in life the most?

I find my inspiration for writing in the day-to-day things which strike a chord in my heart and ignite a response – be it happiness, sadness, anger or excitement.

5) What movie genre would you consider to be your personality?

Though I like romantic and action movies as well, I am a diehard fan of good horror movies, those with the likes of The Conjuring and Insidious.

6) If you could grow a garden, would it have flowers or fruit/veggies?

I believe growing a fruit/veggies garden is what I want for myself since, even though flowers carry with them their beauty and fragrance it is the food that I want more. What could be better than a home produce of fresh fruits and vegetables right from your home kitchen garden, free of toxic pesticides and chemical fertilizers!

7) Would you rather cook or bake?

I, honestly, am clueless about baking so it is cooking for me.

8) If you could have one wish what would it be?

If I were granted one wish it would be to have a second child. Only this time around I wish it were my husband who conceived, carried and gave birth. (Sometimes, I truly feel that way. No offence!)

9) What artist would you want to see in a live concert?

So I am a big fan of music and I myself can sing fairly well. I love listening to the old classics of Kishore Kumar but he has been long dead. I would definitely want to hear him perform live.

10) What’s the youngest memory you have of your past?

Brace yourself, this one’s going to be interesting. So my sister is two years younger to me. When I was five I was allowed to go out of the house alone, but my sister being younger had never stepped foot outside the house alone.

One day being a good elder sister and feeling responsible for her I decided to take her out to play. While I was busy playing I completely forgot about her. When I finished playing and it was time to return home, I turned to take her, but she was not there where I had left her. I searched everywhere, but she was nowhere to be found. Then crying and sobbing inconsolably, I returned home to inform about it to my mom feeling dreadful of the repercussion.

To my utter shock what I see is that she is busy enjoying her evening snack merrily sitting on my mother’s lap. And then I heaved a sigh of relief. So it had so happened that while I was busy playing she had found her way back to home all by herself. And I am still clueless when she learned to do that. In a nutshell, I had a fortunate escape from what could have turned into a good thrashing session for me. Thank God she returned home safe. That was the most dreaded I have ever felt in my entire life as long and as far as I can remember.

Let’s promote other blogs besides our own!

My nominations for the Liebster Award 2018

11 questions I would like you to answer

1) If given the power to time-travel would you rather go into the past or the future? Give your reasons.

2) If you were to choose to be born with one disability (choose from blind, deaf and dumb) what would it be and why?

3) Have you ever watched the cloud and imagined it to form some shape?

4) Which Disney character do you relate to and why?

5) If given a second chance what would you do differently?

6) What is your idea of God and spirituality?

7) Which comics fan are you Marvel’s or DC’s and why?

8) What is the story behind your blog and how did it get its name?

9) Do you need to have a baby to feel complete and if you were unable to give birth yourself, would you rather have a baby by surrogacy or adoption? Give reasons.

10) Among the 7 wonders of the world which one do you find the most deserving and why? (Additionally, you could also rank them according to your choice.)

11) What does true love mean to you?

Check out the official rules for the award!

Rules of the Liebster Award 2018

1) Thank the person who nominated you, and put a link to their blog on your blog. Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you.

2) Display the award on your blog.

3) Write a small post about what makes you passionate about blog posting.

4) Provide 10 random facts about yourself.

5) Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel would enjoy blogging about this award.

6) List these rules in your post.

7) Inform the people/blogs that you nominated.

For more detailed information on the Liebster Award 2018 visit here.

If you choose to accept the nomination answer my questions, remember to tag me and inform me about your post by leaving a comment here for me to have a look at your answers. Hope you enjoy answering my questions. And don’t forget to nominate other bloggers to discover, connect and support the blogging community.

Let’s spread the love and joy of blogging!

Love,

Mrs. Sunshine